The Stripper Movie

This sort of goes with Ashley Judd's thing about despicable pig behavior about guys who make movies.

When I was in graduate school, I had to make a thesis project. Very few people know this story except the ones involved. It's horrible in that, in hindsight, I was exactly what I hated about this business. Manipulating garbage. And to the unsuspecting. Or who knows...you decide...

I'd written a script about a stripper who is a part time student. It was going to be a big production. I was sinking in $25,000 into it. Going to shoot it on 35mm film. Everyone else borrowed camera gear from school and shot 16mm. It's cheaper. But I wanted something glossy. I was going to rent. I put so much energy into the nuts and bolts, and promoted myself so hard, I didn't realize until just recently how ballsy that kid was.

Anyway, the story was total garbage. But, here's the thing...being lonely in L.A. (as my girlfriend at the time had dumped me) I wanted to make a "atmosphere" movie. It was going to be fragmented deep thoughts voicing the depression I must've been in. Through the eyes of a stripper. A grad student, named Russ, a few years ahead of me was going to shoot it.

I did terrible storyboards and conceptual art. I was really serious about this movie. At 25 years old, I thought I was Luis Bunuel. So during casting we called in a lot of women. The entire time, I kept wondering what they would look like nude. Since it was a stripper movie, we had to see nudity. My directing teacher was apprehensive, as was my screenwriting teacher. The directing teacher was a middle aged woman. What the Hell did she care? She warned me of all the strict SAG issues with this. I didn't care.

At the time I was living in Hollywood. At Van Ness and Hollywood Boulevard. It was a pit. But it was where the action was. It was 1999 and NO ONE was there. I mean, homeless and a free clinic lined my street back then (tawny Thai restaurants and high priced apartments occupy that street now). A few blocks away was Jumbo's Clown Room. This is an infamous place to the people of Hollywood, as it was where a bunch of future actresses went to get quick money. It's a pasties type place. No nudity. I needed a strip club. By the way...this plays into the naivete of a guy fresh in Hollywood...I thought this wasn't going to be an issue. As a grown up now...it was completely stupid. I hadn't really known the San Fernando Valley was the best bet. Strip clubs galore. Except at that time it was owned by some seriously scary people. Probably still is. Just now surrounded by...Thai restaurants. I walked into Jumbo's full of confidence. Didn't help my 25 year old Asian face made me look 13. The woman behind the counter looked at me wearily. She was in her 20's as well. She was wiping down the bar when I entered. I threw my pack of smokes on the bar. I smoked cigarettes back then. I thought it was a tough guy move.
"Got an I.D., sweetie" (shit...sweetie is what they call a kid)
"yeeess.." I reluctantly pulled out my driver's license.
"Fuckin' Ohio, huh?"
I nodded.
"WhatcanIgetya'" It was said so fast.
"Uh...you the manager" I was sure my voice cracked.
"No." Jumbo's is a TINY place. The actual stripping area is basically just a strip of wood. I can't imagine anyone not hurting themselves trying out moves there. She called out to someone.
A guy appeared from underneath the bar. Where the fuck---
"What's up?" He took a look at my pack of smokes. "No smoking in here."
I cleared my throat "uh. Sure, okay..I'm a grad student at Loyola Marymount and I'm making a short movie."
He gave me one of those side glances. He's heard this tap dance before. "And um..."
"Look" he flipped over an ashtray "go ahead, but if fire inspector comes in, it's a candy dish." He seemed to sense my nerves and decided I needed a smoke. I lit up a Camel. Whoooosh. Felt better.
"I need a strip club. I can shoot off-hours, I'd pay security...please."
I didn't even finish my sentence, "yeah, sure."
That's it. All that for "yeah, sure."
"People shoot in here all the time. You ARE a student, right?"
"Oh yeah!" I went back to my wallet for my student ID.
"It's cool man. Just on the off-hours." I offered to pay for a drink. He waved it off.
"Yeah, it'd be a weekday." At this time, Jumbo's was pretty hot. So not only did I get a bar, I got a strip bar.
This is where it gets seedy...and where I become ashamed of my self...