The Freshman Prom

I joined marching band as a freshman. I played the mellophone. We were known universally as “The Band Geeks.” I thought we were cool. We whittled ourselves down to a pep band for basketball games and expanded for symphony where I played the panty-ripper French horn (more like the Vagina sander).

In marching band we had something called “Color Guard.” Who we dubbed “The Whore Corps.” It was funny to us 15 year olds, since they were really unattractive women. Except for my friend Ashley, all the other women were pretty rough. I guess I shouldn’t judge, I never got girls.

It was prom time…I was just a freshman at the time, so I just wanted to play my guitar and get my driver’s license. One of the flag girls named Jennifer was a junior and she wanted to go to the prom. She had the typical 1989 blonde frazzled perm. Large hair, and large blue eyes hidden behind big grandma glasses. In a teen movie, she would be the friend of the nerd girl, in the background holding a Trapper Keeper. Well, one day she out and asked me to prom. My brain nearly melted. I’m 14 years old asked to a prom by a 16 year old. I recall being flattered she asked, but being so nerdy myself, just had no clue the gravity of what it meant to her. I don't think she asked because she liked me romantically, I think she just knew I'd say yes. Because she didn't know all that many guys. So I said “yes.” And thus was a montage week you see in high school prom prep.

I decided to get a white tux for the night. To which I regretted during the event. Because the wait staff were in white tuxedos as well.

I got a lot of respect because I went to prom as a frosh. But I wasn’t attracted to Jennifer. There was this hot chick I was obsessed with. So to me, it was pure friendship. I had a great time, but it was all so brother and sisterly. To me, anyway.

And we went on with the end of school. An odd thing happens at social events. This is why weddings are the best time to meet girls. You’re looking your best. So I got a weird feeling during band that year. Jennifer would attempt to talk to me. Sit with me on bus trips to marching band competitions. All the while, not really showing her much attention. I think she eventually got the message and things got awkward for a while. I felt she we should be dating, but I was too young to care. I really developed late. I think she ended up dating a few guys in high school. But I think she really focused on her life before anything else.

Eventually I got a serious girlfriend as a junior and she faded into the background as I went off to college.

It’s been over 20 years now, and I stumbled on her Facebook page. She got her hair straightened and is now a redhead. Lost her glasses and, at 42 years old, is absolutely stunning. She looks like a young Julianne Moore. She also recently married. And looks amazingly happy. It actually made me feel great for her.

I think the concept of ugly duckling exists. If I have to pass any advice to my 16 year old nephew, it would be that don’t overlook the gawky girl. Not that we don’t grow due to looks, or that looks should matter, but I think the “ugly duckling” tends to have a deeper well to draw from . The popular pretty girls fade quick (the girl I was obsessed with went to Duke, wasn’t the prettiest girl there, and fizzled out fast). The prom queen in high school will make you miserable.

The prom photo of Jennifer and I still sits in a frame on my work table at my parent’s house in Cincinnati. I look so dumb and awkward with a stupid haircut, and as an added dumb move, I thought it was cool to grab the girl’s hand. Jennifer and I smile broadly. Her smile is nature. My smile looks forced and like I shit myself. When I visit I laugh at that goofy photo. My Mom loves the photo. Because it’s me dressed nicely (a VERY rare thing). She casually remarks “that’s a really pretty girl.” At the time I waved her off. It’s funny how Mother’s see what you can’t.