Dude...Shut The Fuck Up...

“Dude…shut the fuck up” I muttered to the actor that was fidgeting and singing to himself. To stave off his own boredom, he took to talking to himself and “acting up.” Like a child.

“Did you just tell my actor to ‘shut up’?” the director confronted me.

“Yeah. Guy won’t shut up.”

“Don’t tell him that” the director wasn’t being a hardass. He knew the guy was being annoying. But he needed him. He was confused as to what tone to use in order to be firm without insulting either parties. I wanted him to fire me. I should’ve just walked. But I couldn’t do that to a friend. No matter how irritating this “actor” was.

This was a student film during my last year there. It was a project for my friend Stu and we’d commandeered a used car lot in Santa Monica, and time was limited, they were still selling cars, afterall. The sun was beating on us, and I was just done with this guy making me miserable. For one thing, he was a nobody. In order to even have the nuts to stall a film when all this was going on…that sort of not paying attention to your surroundings has ALWAYS irritated me. My philosophy of life has always been to keep my head on a swivel. People who are oblivious should be killed.

Yeah, unprofessional of me. I’ve done it on a real set as well. There was an actor who couldn’t remember his lines as film was burning through the camera. He said “why aren’t you guys shooting digital?” To which I leaned on the magazine on the camera, stared at the guy directly, scoffed as if to question his talent, and told him “get it together.” To which the director stepped in, took him aside and went through it piecemeal in order for him to feel comfortable. Does this help the situation? Absolutely not. But I think it should at least drive it into their brains that we’re all here for them. That if you show up unprepared, you should feel terrible (if this is what you want to do for your living).

 I’m not sure why I have this animosity towards actors as a cameraman, only that I have very little patience due to my crew. I treat my crew with kid gloves, because I know the pressure they have and the boredom they endure. There is no assistant cameraman reel. They have nothing to show for it other than hustling for the next job. I would expect an actor to feel that their stupid fucking faces on a project, no matter how small, will go “out there.” To be dissected and criticized. This focus when money is involved seems to have blown over these examples I’ve just mentioned. There is no never ending well to which they will constantly work. Most of us are thankful for any opportunity (well, not me…since I’d been a punk kid then). To me, I did my research before coming in. In fact, I thought I was doing the director a favor by saying something he cannot.

But, they are fragile creatures: actors. They have an audience in the makeup girl, or grip…they take it. If say, the actor were taking moments to think about where they are in the script, it seems it would gain respect. To me, the ones that goof off, get distracted and lose focus…no one takes them seriously.

I recall being on the set of “Saw.” I was standing next to Cary Elwes, cautiously approaching him the bathroom set, as he was chained there (for 12 hours, mind you). He silently sat as the set ups were being changed. Not one complaint. No singing to himself. It is DULL as dirt. I was eager to give him a zinger from his past movie “…as you wish.” Waiting for the perfect opportunity. It was down time, why not?

That’s when he spotted me “hello.”

“oh, hey man. How’s it going?” I froze.

In a clean British accent “It’s cool.”

“Must be rough, not being able to move.”

“Oh yeah” he laughed to himself, indicating the chain which was around his ankle.  Something bugged me about where he was staged in the shot. The corner was shadowed. Dark. We just stood there for a while. Finally, as I saw camera wasn’t set yet, I walked just outside of the stage flat and brought a ladder.

The whole time I was thinking that I had to zing him. He quietly watched as I ascended the 6 step ladder to peel off a cover on a fluorescent bank of lights. It boosted the light by about a ½ stop.

He looked up, smiled…“that’s better” the British accent again. Seemed thankful that someone was looking out for his key light.

I looked down, just smiled and nodded. Missed my opportunity to say the line “as you wish.” Just took my ladder and walked away. Two professionals. Respect.

He remembered me on the day I’d been absent. I was touched he did. That’s why he’s a working actor.