The Recovery

Dependent on the amount of years you've sunk into boozing is about the time it'll take your liver, kidneys and pancreas to detox all levels of alcohol from your system. This thought is alarming. Mostly because I couldn't tell you when I started drinking or how long it's been in between. I can tell you that recovery has been a nightmare. One day at a time.

The issue of when you stop drinking is about when you start to re-evaluate all the things you can do to stave off the pain. Yes, I'm not going o lie, it's physically painful. Your brain turns to absolute mush. But you're cognizant enough to feel like you should be working on projects. But you can't because you feel so miserable. So not only are you antsy to do something with your life, you're body shuts you down. Your brain knows it should be doing something important. But...FUCK YOU is why.

So what can you do? I look into vitamin supplements to offset this misery. My stomach hurts, my head is in a fog, I'm achy. This is a few months AFTER I quit. Yes folks, this is basically my body and brain officially understanding that it's not getting anymore booze. It (more or less) is going into panic mode. Pissed off to spite you. And it will do awful things to you to make sure you know the ramifications of being sober.

I've gone in and checked with my doctor. His explanation is that it is a mind over matter. All my tests are fine. But I feel like a zombie. I eat crap at this point. Whatever staves off the pain. And have terrible head rushes at night that keep me from sleeping. Withdrawal maybe? Not sure. I had similar pent up energy surges when I gave up smoking. My brain may be convinced I'm not longer drinking, but my body refuses to allow it to. Why? Because I've been living off of it for so long, it only knows that it requires booze. So now is the reforming of mind and body. Which is why this convinces me, we are capable of re-wiring our brains for ANYTHING.

But it's a painful journey. And I get to deal with it on a daily basis. It's not what I would wish on anyone. But I have to remember that I did this to myself.