I have another theory about why people get married when
they’re in creative endeavors. Meaning their career is in something creative
and they get married. Before any of you fucks tell me I’m full of shit (which I
likely am) hear me out.
I feel a lot of marriages out here in La La Land seem
specifically geared towards forcing someone to grow up. See, we thrive best when we just
consider ourselves. Selfish in a sense. In a Peter Pan universe. If our
imagination dies, our careers die. When you marry, I think a lot of people put
the onus on their spouse. Not intentionally, but it does give them an “out”
when it come to failure.
You hear things like “I gotta do this thing with the wife, I
can’t make movies anymore” or “it’s too expensive, do I want college money for
my kid or do I want to make a movie?” “Diane needs a new dress for (fill in
holiday) so I’m not making a movie.” This extends to even the least amount of
money too. Writing. People are distracted when they have to think of others.
That’s just the way it is. It’s not a bad thing, it’s just the way it is.
Sometimes it gets downright sad. I know someone who is
married with kids and satisfied with just random thoughts he’d just have. He
use to be spitball king. Now, it’s like watching Richard Pryor on his last
days. And he isn’t even 40 years old yet.
Sure, there was a time when a spouse supported you. “I’m
your biggest fan.” Or “I know you can do it, hunny-buns.” You know what that
turns into? Resentment. On both sides. If you suck at making movies, that constant
support sounds really condescending. They also have a weak point they can
attack. In a contentious fall out, guess where someone goes to? “I said I was
you biggest fan, but you’re an idiot, boy did I bet on a dead horse” Or “You stories were always stupid, I
didn’t have the heart to tell you.” Yeah, you also didn’t have the heart to
tell me your boss at the vet clinic you worked at was fucking you.
And it’s double worse if you’re in a relationship with
someone else in the movie business. Yes they understand what it takes to make
it. But inevitably one person would be slightly more successful than the other.
Grab some popcorn for that fallout. Because it’s epic.
Now in normal situations where you don’t deal with batty
creative types, this is handled civilly (generally speaking). My friend who
works a warehouse job, doesn’t want positive reinforcement at his job. He’s hardly asked what he does, or what
he’s doing. But, you can imagine there’s no jealousy of him going to that job.
So when things go wrong, they don’t cut someone’s identity down. Because in the
movie business, your job is your identity. Yeah, sad. But it is. For actors,
your identity is your brand. You convey who you want others to believe you are.
If you were to switch that off like my warehouse friend, you’d be boring.
That’s not who you are. For directors, your movies define you. I don’t see
Ridley Scott as a doting father who shows up at nursery school slobbering over
his kids. He’s the guy sitting on a camera crane in Malta trying to get
gladiators to fight each other. He’s the guy who made “Blade Runner.” And shit
if he doesn’t know it. It’s not a bad thing. It’s just who we are. I know a
couple now who are about to get married. While they love each other deeply and
I’m happy for them, their goals in entertainment, unless they sacrifice a LOT
may be derailed. If they’d come into it already established, things may be
different, but for the most part, it’s conceding that this lifestyle and
sacrifice isn’t worth personal happiness. Whether or not they do succeed in
small victories, is up to them. Chances are, they’ll most likely lean on each
other to leave this behind altogether.
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