If You Ever Have A Woman Cook For You

Pretty rare these days. But NEVER ever ever say...if she cooks for you and she asks "How is it?" Should you ever respond "I'm eating it, aren't I?"

I know you guys aren't that dumb. But I was. And when I play it back in my head, man...I could've saved myself a ton of nights not apologizing or having her angry at me over it. Angry woman equals miserable life. Because she won't be happy until you're pissed off as she is.

I'm trying to imagine a male equivalent. Probably it's something like this.

Me: "how was the sex?"

Her: "Well, at least that's over with."

Yeah, not a happy moment for all.

3:30AM Studio City, CA Pavilions Supermarket

The place was empty. My favorite time of the morning. When I pick out food to eat for the day. Fortunately this Vons Supermarket was open 24 hours. Unfortunately, the only ones doing checkout are Russians who speak very little English and are pissed you pull them from stock duties.

I'm in checkout line with my morning groceries. In line in front of me, a middle aged woman dressed like a teenage, with a tight t-shirt, covering fake tits.You could tell since women that age don't have tits that solid, no matter how much she arched her back. She seemed like a broken down groupie. We're the only ones there. So a lot of uncomfortable silence as I stared at her items and she mine, probably getting a bead on who we are in life.

She had strange various items on the belt. Dog food, paper towels, a palette of Gatorade. At this hour, it's probably someone's assistant out on a run. OR craft services filling out bits and pieces, since CBS was nearby. She'd mentioned that her "company card" may not work, since it was new, and was apologetic. She mumbled something about having a really bad week. To which I responded "week's just started." She turned, smiled and said "yeah, but I've been going pretty hard up to this point. It's just bad" Even worse through her botox'd lips. I just said "well, it could only get better, right?" To which she just nodded. She seemed really sad. I'm just wondering how a person goes through life already waiting for bad things to happen to them.

She bid me a good day, and disappeared into the darkness.

"I Don't Trust Happiness" ~ "Tender Mercies" (1983)

“Tender Mercies” is a movie directed by Bruce Beresford and written by Horton Foote. It stars Robert Duvall.

When I watch a movie like this, it makes me sick to my stomach, because I write with one thing in mind “how do I get someone to read it?” So I put a lot of phony plot twists in order for it to be deemed interesting. This movie is the complete opposite. If I were to pitch you the idea today, it’d never get made. But I have to tell you, the character in this type of movie resonates. And it cuts to the core of human values, boils it down to its basics and lets you decide. The movies today will never do that.  I bet the under 40’s exec in some studio would more than likely wipe their asses with even the notion that you can make a movie this quiet, gentle, yet speaks volumes.

One of the reasons this wouldn’t exist today, because they are about people we often don’t think about. Small town people. The so-called “fly over” states. Because they’re very removed from that sexy urban living. Fast moving lights, with a promise of stimulation. Out in the corn fields, you can forget that. But even that dynamic has changed. With the internet, even the yokel-est of hayseeds can be more hip. Certainly more hip than me.

I wish they made movies like this again. Not gonna happen. Even though there is a LOT of universal truth that can be heard in everyone who lives in America. Dreams of family, disappointment, dreams, and failure. It speaks to most people. Most people I think that slow down enough to hear themselves. To be fair, during the time this was released, it only went to three theaters. Yes, you heard it right. THREE theaters. Universal Studios buried it, because they sunk all their marketing into “Scarface.” They just didn’t care. “Tender Mercies” was a tax write off as far as they were concerned. It went on to be nominated for 5 Academy Awards.

The Thrownaways

I recently watched a movie called “Trancendence.” It was directed by Wally Pfister, a fellow film purist. And savior. He is usually Christopher Nolan’s cinematographer. But he directed this movie. It’s great. A lot of high concepts. Fascinating questions of life and death and how long we should preserve humanity. In other words, far smarter than me. I know smarter people have questions about it. But I just like the emotion is conveys.

As I was watching the movie, a thing occurred to me. There is a character in the movie that denies all technology. Hippie shit, at the surface. When we finally discover it is the last grasp at humanity. What this movie posits is that we transcend humanity. Since we destroy what we create. An A.I. would know better.

As I was watching the credits I saw that Nathan Maguinness was the visual FX supervisor. When I was much younger and desperate to work in any movie field…I contacted Nathan. At the time, he owned an Oscar winning FX house called Asylum. I didn’t want a job. I just had questions. Also, I found out he was into vintage motorcycles. So we had that in common.

He actually responded to my email. It was unbelievable. A guy who is busy took the time to answer my stupid questions. A nobody.

A few years later, Asylum went bust. They, like many other FX house went under, due to outsourcing. It’s funny when you consider that the amount of FX work went up, but the amount of small boutique VFX shops went under. What did that tell me? Hollywood are scumbags.

Anyway, it was great to see Nathan’s name on something. Especially as you will see his genius at work in this movie. More importantly, it seems a band of throwaways or deserted, like film lovers or VFX artists can band together and still create. That when Hollywood, or for that matter ANY industry, turns their back on you, you can find people who share your passion to group together and build your own clubhouse. 

Marriage In Holly-weird

I have another theory about why people get married when they’re in creative endeavors. Meaning their career is in something creative and they get married. Before any of you fucks tell me I’m full of shit (which I likely am) hear me out.

I feel a lot of marriages out here in La La Land seem specifically geared towards forcing someone to grow up.  See, we thrive best when we just consider ourselves. Selfish in a sense. In a Peter Pan universe. If our imagination dies, our careers die. When you marry, I think a lot of people put the onus on their spouse. Not intentionally, but it does give them an “out” when it come to failure.

You hear things like “I gotta do this thing with the wife, I can’t make movies anymore” or “it’s too expensive, do I want college money for my kid or do I want to make a movie?” “Diane needs a new dress for (fill in holiday) so I’m not making a movie.” This extends to even the least amount of money too. Writing. People are distracted when they have to think of others. That’s just the way it is. It’s not a bad thing, it’s just the way it is.

Sometimes it gets downright sad. I know someone who is married with kids and satisfied with just random thoughts he’d just have. He use to be spitball king. Now, it’s like watching Richard Pryor on his last days. And he isn’t even 40 years old yet.

Sure, there was a time when a spouse supported you. “I’m your biggest fan.” Or “I know you can do it, hunny-buns.” You know what that turns into? Resentment. On both sides. If you suck at making movies, that constant support sounds really condescending. They also have a weak point they can attack. In a contentious fall out, guess where someone goes to? “I said I was you biggest fan, but you’re an idiot, boy did I bet on a dead horse” Or  “You stories were always stupid, I didn’t have the heart to tell you.” Yeah, you also didn’t have the heart to tell me your boss at the vet clinic you worked at was fucking you.

And it’s double worse if you’re in a relationship with someone else in the movie business. Yes they understand what it takes to make it. But inevitably one person would be slightly more successful than the other. Grab some popcorn for that fallout. Because it’s epic.

Now in normal situations where you don’t deal with batty creative types, this is handled civilly (generally speaking). My friend who works a warehouse job, doesn’t want positive reinforcement at his job.  He’s hardly asked what he does, or what he’s doing. But, you can imagine there’s no jealousy of him going to that job. So when things go wrong, they don’t cut someone’s identity down. Because in the movie business, your job is your identity. Yeah, sad. But it is. For actors, your identity is your brand. You convey who you want others to believe you are. If you were to switch that off like my warehouse friend, you’d be boring. That’s not who you are. For directors, your movies define you. I don’t see Ridley Scott as a doting father who shows up at nursery school slobbering over his kids. He’s the guy sitting on a camera crane in Malta trying to get gladiators to fight each other. He’s the guy who made “Blade Runner.” And shit if he doesn’t know it. It’s not a bad thing. It’s just who we are. I know a couple now who are about to get married. While they love each other deeply and I’m happy for them, their goals in entertainment, unless they sacrifice a LOT may be derailed. If they’d come into it already established, things may be different, but for the most part, it’s conceding that this lifestyle and sacrifice isn’t worth personal happiness. Whether or not they do succeed in small victories, is up to them. Chances are, they’ll most likely lean on each other to leave this behind altogether.

Feminism Is A Crock Of Shit

I had to look up the definition:
Feminism is a collection of movements and ideologies that share a common goal: to define, establish, and achieve equal political, economic, cultural, personal, and social rights for women. This includes seeking to establish equal opportunities for women in education and employment. A feminist advocates or supports the rights and equality of women.

In what world would feminist think we wouldn't want them to have equal rights? PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD take over. Earn all the money. Get more money and support the family. There isn't a guy in the western world (yeah, I left out the middle east and far east) who wouldn't want You know what would happen? Women would find you a dickless worthless piece of shit. You wouldn't get pussy. That's a fact. So what do feminist want? Answer: Everything. They want the guy who supports them, but has equal say. Really? My boss makes more than me, you think I have equal say? But it's suppose to be a mutual consideration. No, it's not. You're trying to right a perceived wrong. Get this finding...women make more as producer/directors in movies than men. Yes, you heard that right. The same industry Patricia Arquette criticized for having no women roles...well, it's your sistah-hood that's keeping you down. Men aren't bitching about it. And there's no outrage (except for me), because...who fucking cares. Good. I hope you make more than me. That way I can start bitching. I hope companies pay you a ton of cash. Then you go and blow it on shoes and purses. Keep the money cycling. We guys throw it into family. My Dad would give me his last dollar if he had to. NOT buy himself anything. He doesn't care about that shit. Cut to: my sister, who leans on me to buy her stuff on my credit card and she pays me back. Is that what a grown up does?

Incidentally, you shouldn't want Hillary Clinton as a president. She's the same person who stuck with a guy who had an intern suck him off in the oval office. Is that good decision making? You know how many of your sistah-hood does a chicken neck "no way, dump that man!" chants there were? She's a doormat confusing the fact that she stuck with him for this moment of running for presidency. To me, that's scary. She plans that far ahead. I have no problems with a woman being president. But you feminist need to understand how weak a person this type of person is. But it's empowering. Why not Palin? Because she believed family was important. Feminist don't like this. Family means, man/woman/child in a happy post nuclear home. God forbid we push family togetherness. You aren't individual thinkers either. You're the worst thing about group think. Shit, even at a certain point in a sorority, you all time your periods together.

The concept of feminism worked when you couldn't vote, work or own things. I get that. That was bullshit. Now, it's a stupid archaic label, some people actually are proud to wave.

Also, feminism doesn't mean you can be a fucking whore and wave that badge. You're just a whore. I know a few who love talking about "fucking hot guys." Wow, that's progressive and I'm impressed. You've slingshot past the biggest douchebag hipster who was a virgin up until he grew in his Amish beard.

Women, real women, classy women deserve the best. Not based on my definition but what nature decided. Feminist think they deserve the best. That's the difference.

Weights Vs. Cardio

Now at 40, cardio REALLY sucks. I do a moderate stair climb or a little bit of the elliptical. But generally, I'm with the free weights. It's a balance. Cardio does make my heart feel better. And sweating burns off the salt I pour down my face on daily basis. However, doing weight training burns fat faster. Weights have been stressing my joints lately. And it's not because of poor form, but because...that's being 40. I saw a guy at the gym the other day, about my age. He was yoked. I took the time to watch what he did for a workout. I mean this dude HAD to be a bodybuilder. He did a very light shoulder cable row. I mean 5 lbs. light. Then he went and did three sets on the bench. Again, roughly 1/3 of his weight. Then he left. That's it.

We may be over thinking this. At a certain age, that much muscle isn't practical. I see 50 year olds who are massive, but look like every step is killing them. They are toned on top, mushy at the bottom. Looks like my ol' Li'l League coach. Not the ideal body type.

Michael Keaton Was Actually Cheated YEARS Ago - "The Paper" (1994)

This is the other Michael Keaton movie. The one that he should’ve won an Oscar for. He wasn't even nominated. You know who won? Tom Hanks for "Forrest Gump." Unreal.

Directed by Ron Howard, this movie would’ve DESTROYED today’s movies. Not only because it's a snap cracklin' actor's piece, but because it relies on one thing...story. No gimmicks. No tricks. Just the type of filmmaking you wish you saw again. This movie immerses you so deep into the world, I forgot where I was when I finished watching it.

“Birdman” wasn’t his best. In fact, it was really subdued and angry (which I think out society seems to value these days). “The Paper” transcends the subject. An amazing never ending energy that is surprising in the sense that it is a forgotten movie.

I recall watching this movie as a teen and was impressed by its construction. I beg you to watch this movie again. Every movement is choreographed more exciting than any musical. Every performance and nuance of character at a rat-tat-tat pace that rivals “The Front Page” or “His Girl Friday”. Both of which was clearly influential. This movie moves. Guess what else? It’s all dialogue driven. Nothing flashy. Just an ensemble of true filmmaking joy.

Seek this movie out.

Keeler, California

Population: 66
Not joking. This is where I found a train depot. Unfortunately it has no tracks. So I'm fucked. The list of others it doesn't have:
stores
hotels
restaurants
city hall
hope

Shit it does have:
Scorpions
dust
busted ass buildings
lowfalutin

I'd actually try to shoot here, if it had tracks that ran nowhere. But I'm looking for an out of the way  train depot. Not, straight-up-dead town.

Also, who would I call to get permission to shoot. With my luck this town would probably have a film commission that would require fire fighters (non-existent), police (non-existent) and building inspector (non-existent). In short, the town would be huddled around this place.

I'm a bit afraid to even breach the subject, because in a town of 99% white and 1% other, a band of gypies shooting a movie may come off as "highfalutin" What with our GYM shoes and haircuts. How much further can I go?

L.A.'s VERY Dumb Filming Policies

There’s a scene in the movie “Friday” where Smokey (played by Chris Tucker) is going out with his friend. His Mom stops him and tells him to get her a pack of cigarettes with the money she hands him. To which he replies that it wasn’t enough. Her response “Make it enough.”

That about sums it up when it comes to making any type of movie in this town when you aren’t with any affiliation. You know, negotiating with the city of Los Angeles is futile. No special rates adjusted for how small you are (Pasadena does have a provision for crew size, but the other stuff that they pile on makes it comical). They don’t have any interest in your stupid movie anywhere in their town. In fact, you are a nuisance. Any small town Ohio LOVES movie people. Hell, I remember going to Tennessee in early 2000’s and getting ZERO shit from police for stealing shots in Nashville & Knoxville. They have more important shit to do. Guess what people do if their shit gets stolen or they injure themselves. They DON’T FUCKING SUE THE CITY. That’s common sense that is unspoken between the city and its citizens. In Los Angeles, shit…you throw things on yourself hoping you can take this broken nag to court to get a settlement.

When is Los Angeles going to wake the fuck up? It’s no longer that blonde with big tits that everyone wants to get with. People can get above and beyond great weather for their shooting. So you know what they do? They go elsewhere to shoot and come back to live. Didn’t think of that one, didya’ L.A.

Yeah, the luster is gone from Tinseltown, so the least you can do is give breaks to the people who want to work here. Whose toes are you stepping on? Some washed up starlet who had one hit t.v. show in the 80’s?

I love the attitude that most film commissions roll with (which ever town I’ve visited thus far). “If I don’t like it, I can shoot somewhere else.” If I were management, I’d fire that asshole on the spot. You are the government reaping the benefit of NOT being punched in the face (due to federal regulation) but still are funded by…um…US. I think I figured out my next cause. Getting some of these public places to open up to short films for free with insurance.

I wish that would happen. Unfortunately though, this is small fish. Guys up there in the mayor’s mansion, they’re too busy emptying the city’s funds. God forbid they actually do something and putting a spotlight on them doing illegal activities. Head down…stay quiet. Don’t rock the boat. I sincerely hope those people get syphilis.

"Speed" (1994) Could've Been REALLY Stupid

So I was watching "Speed" again last night. Listening to the commentary with Graham Yost (credited screenwriter). He's a lot of fun. Self-effacing humor. Lots to say about the politics behind the making of this movie. Mostly talking about how REALLY bad "Speed" could've been. Then I discovered that Joss Whedon had done maybe 80% of uncredited work on it.

Now, amongst the ideas they had pitched
1) Sandy Bullock's character would be a stand-up comedian and would crack wise during the entire movie (Whedon ditched that idea, since who jokes around like that when they're in peril?) In "Die Hard" John McLane does wise acre a lot. But that's in his character to beat away those fear thoughts with humor. Also, Bullock was suppose to be Ellen Degeneres.

2) Alan Ruck's character was a dirtbag lawyer who would spend the ride bitching whining and complaining. You'd want this dude blown up. They changed him into a tourist.

3) Harry (played by Jeff Daniels) was suppose to be partnered with the mad bomber. At the end, the reveal is that they are incahoots for money. This changed to just Harry being the brains of a two man bomb disposal guy.

Now...these are just a few examples of how, when we look back of decisions we could've made, that's how fragile stories are. In light of my own projects, yeah, it's really hard sometimes to see where things could go off the rails and what's worth keeping. Quite honestly, if you were to pitch this movie today (and not knowing the success it was) I guarantee studios would turn it down again. Wouldn't you?

Germanwing Flight Co-Pilot Intentionally Crashed Plane

Here's the only thing you should know about this crash: You are not in complete control of the world. Sometimes crazy people are.

When I was younger I use to think I could make things happen for me if I did more. Or I put myself out there more. Or people would see y genius if I made enough noise.

Fuck that shit.

That's the mindset of the 149 people on that plane. That you could change the course of your life if you took action. Only one was bat shit and took them and their supposed control of their lives into the French Alps. You want to see instant result, there it is. From I gathered from the news, the pilot had taken a break out of the cockpit, when the co-pilot, Andrea Lubitz took over the controls. Having returned to the door of cockpit, it was locked. And a sudden shift made it clear they were descending. Fast. According to the black box, there were banging on the door to the cockpit, and dials and switches were still being tinkered with (implying someone was still at the controls...and operating calmly, in case we thought the guy had passed out). Screams and knocking for roughly 8 minutes. Can you imagine yourself doing this? I can barely type for five without getting winded.

So, a terrorist-proof door works one way, but...not the other. AND, that 3" door width was all that separated you from death. Seems incredibly cheap now. Seems even more devastating that confusion would be the last thing the passengers felt before the final outcome.

I think we like to think we can cross our T's & dot our I's and nothing will happen. But, I would say, in terms of living your life to the fullest with the least amount of stress and anger, make everyday count. Make every minute count. I don't think any of us would want to be in that situation feeling we had more to life on this planet.

Moorpark Train Station Location

On location right now, looking at what could possibly be the most perfect place to shoot my short film. Now the rub...PERMITS!! Fees!! Bureaucracy. Gotta love filming in California.

Yes it's an abandoned site. So guess what? Building inspectors, fire, safety garbage, OSHA, insurance, insurance for insurance. Now who actually owns the building? CalTrans? Nope. The city does. The city can do a lot. What it may not be able to do is to allow me to shoot there, because...it's not safe. I get it, we're all sue happy assholes. My fellow filmmakers ruined it for all. The other thing city hall told me...which consists of 4 people that I saw, by the way...they don't even know what to do with the building. Maybe demolish. Before anyone has a chance to preserve to film. I love it.

It made me think of a joke someone told one time about making a movie about just two people sitting in their living room having a chat. Then have the other person be a mannequin (cue Starship "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now"). Fire retardant, of course.

Some Fiction

Emily Benedict Morgan, age 17, just moved into a tiny apartment with her mother, Catherine. They were new to the block, in fact, new to the urban space where they were referred to as the "The Lily White Duo."

The projects is a tough place for anyone with a shred of morality. To their new occupants, it was a war zone. Was this the best they could do? Yes, as the father, a Mr. J. Peter Morgan, banker, had jet off with his new girlfriend to a country far from the reach of an American lawyer, it was definitely out of reach for the alleyway dreg of a litigant Catherine could afford.

So, broke as they were, they made the best of the space. Catherine's family wasn't exactly the portrait of sustainable function. They were full of glee when she married into money. Devastated when it went away. Emily, a teen now, was always quiet. A reader. Never cared for her father. Was the one who caught him on many an occasion grabbing at the female caterers during annual parties at the mansion in Amberley Village. She liked to think her mother was perceptive to these terrible indiscretions, but it's hard to pay attention when she was enamored with the bartender.

So the Jaguar is now a Toyota and the jewelry is now metal bracelets. Funny how the shine of expensive items go dull under sodium vapor light. Equally difficult are the friends they left behind. But for some reason, there was a freedom to poverty. To Emily, she could excuse herself from events she thought too dull by simply claiming they didn't have the gas money. Or that she'd feel awful if she didn't arrive with a present. She discovered most of her friends had a very empathetic nature, whether it be honest of not. She'd take advantage of this by NOT taking advantage and remaining at home to make sure Catherine didn't have to watch "Moonlighting" alone.

During the day, however, Emily still had to go to school. Public school. The type of school people write about decades later that would seem more like prison. Except, in Emily's case, it wouldn't be too far off.

James A. Garfield High was a free for all. The population was predominantly African-American, why shouldn't the school? When one-half the Lily White Duo showed for school, mid-semester, this caused a ripple. Now when a blonde-haired blue eyed uppity snob of a girl entered, it was a tsunami...

Stay tuned...

Best Workout Part 2

The VERY best workout you can do doesn't require machines or a membership. It's just doing a shit-ton of push-ups. Do them till your form sags. Then wait a minute, then go it again. Three sets. That's it. How much time would that take? 7 minutes...tops.

This engages your entire body. And you will cut to definition really fast. There is a caveat. If you have a gut, this will suck balls. Because you won't have upper body to support this. Not yet anyway. The natural movement of pushing your body weight is to engage also your core. If your core is buried in blubber, it's going to be a disaster. So, get rid of the fat before you do this. Or at least cut back by half the blub. Understand though, too...the older you get the more this will really suck on your joints. Prepare now, if you're about 40 years or younger.

Hollywood Hates People Who Shill For America

I was just watching “Black Hawk Down” recently. A really engaging hard to watch movie about an attempt to secure a hostile land off in Mogadishu, this cesspool of a pit. I actually got the special edition. So I’ve watch a lot of the extras. Very interesting story about men being sent into a mission and underestimating the resolve of what amounts to primitive cavemen…but with RPGs.

On the box there is a indication that it won two Oscars. One for editing and one for sound. Now…correctly me if I’m wrong but this happens to be about the same awards “American Sniper” walked away with.

What the fuck is wrong with Hollywood that it can’t appreciate a war movie UNLESS it paints American effort as wrongheaded? I give you “Platoon” (1986) Best Picture winner. This was about a boy growing up with a need to fight and learning the brutality of war. The minute the story falls into the idea that we suck as Americans in a war we shouldn’t have been involved in…DING DING, we have a winner. So more recently “The Hurt Locker” won for Best Picture (sticking with war pix). This was truly unfair. In fact, in this case Hollywood should be ashamed. It’s the Most Improved Award. The industry was SO starved for a woman director to win, it overlooked this  so-so pic. I think they were just so blinded by a woman directing a war movie. And it also got into the psyche of a bomb disposal operator…who by the way, is clearly a nutjob. Another victim of war.

It so happens “American Sniper” undid itself with the title. There is no one in this business who doesn’t respect Clint Eastwood. But he doesn’t play by the stupid rules of Hollywood. He doesn’t kowtow to the likes of their message. Which is that war is bad. No shit, guys. Eastwood proudly waves his conservative beliefs whilst living in a liberal world. He doesn't seem to care, nor is he outspoken about certain topics. He lets the media do his talking. Sometimes you uses the media to do his talking (as in his ads about pro-America). What is wrong with being pro-America? Why can't we say America is better than every country anymore?

I think in some odd way, most of Hollywood thinks the military and people who support it are their fathers’ who disapprove of their “artistic” integrity. So they lash out.  Too bad for them. I watched war movies with my Dad. A warm memory, no doubt.

Also, here’s a rub I have with liberals and conservatives. Seems if I think people shouldn’t have kids who can’t afford them, is considered a liberal thought. I honestly never knew. To me, that’s just practical. There are cultures out here that pop out children and struggle to support them. Then the government steps in and has to deal with it. That’s the same government that grabs me by my knees and shakes me down for every little bullshit tax it can. But I’m the bad guy for saying this. Or at least the liberals consider me a piece of shit conservative. NEVERMIND that I don’t give a shit about gay marriage. Anyone can marry whatever, has been my stance. But then conservatives would think me a faggoty liberal. Funny how I can’t just be in the middle. TO be honest, I think more of us are on the middle. But dependent on where you live, you sorta’ keep whatever views you share underwraps. I noticed that guys in post production are white conservatives. They share a lot of their very short sighted views, but with each other. It’s a boy’s club no one mentions. But white folk in post stick with each other. This is a generalization, but whatever. IF it’s true it’s true. I’d be the first to tell you Asian women drivers are THE ABSOLUTE worst.

Anyway, about the war movies…I think this does say a lot about where Hollywood stands, in terms of the war effort. I don’t think we should be sending young folk out there to kill. But it’s (unfortunately) necessary and am proud of them. I couldn’t do it. I see war movies and think what a big pussy I’d be. I think if Hollywood folks had the balls of Eastwood, they’d shower him with Oscar gold, which they have everytime he makes a girl empowerment movie, sorta’ like “Million Dollar Baby.” How quick Hollywood forgets, he made one for you.

Arriflex BL-3

So I finally bought a 35mm sync sound film camera.

The price of a new Arriflex BL3 camera during its heyday was well over $100,000. Look it up. It's crazy. I got it for a fraction of that cost.

Introduced in the 1980's that could've bought two houses in a pretty decent neighborhood (in the 80's anyway). It really gets me thinking about what people consider valuable or trash. I mean, the camera hasn't changed. And it's shot MAJOR motion pictures. So why the newest and the best? I couldn't tell you. I bought a still film camera a few years back. People had switched to digital many moons ago. That camera is still the system that shot super models and hot cars. Still have a few loyal followers and users. Yet...it's consider to some as "bulky and obsolete." Man...where did we fuck this up?

"Do You Believe?" A Trailer...I said "Huh-What?!"

So there's this new Christian movie called "Do you believe?" It stars a bunch of ha-been washed up actors, clearly in it for a paycheck. I think Cybil Sheperd did it to get into God's good grace. Having already admitted to fucking Elvis Presley when he wasn't fat and sweaty. And Mira Sorvino, which...I would say fell the most sideways since her Oscar win.

This was a trailer in front of "The Imitation Game" I saw a few months back. And it really grated on me. A lot of these new Christian message movies are coming out. There was one for a Christian Rock concert I laughed out loud about. It was basically made to look like some teen pop on the road type movie. Then it springs it on you. Fucking bible verses. Fuck you. You're one of the worst things in life, because it probably comes from a seriously dark place. You are "spreading your message" through mis-representing yourself as being "cool with you hip cats" type Flanders tactics. I think when a person like this dies, Jesus punts you in the nethers. Because he can't believe the depths you go to recruit.

Kirk Cameron owns Hell. Maybe that's his angle. We run from his stupid self-righteous face to the embrace of Satan. Then that's when he pops out and says "Gotcha!" Something is seriously wrong with that guy. I think he was ass-raped.

What We Can Learn About Movie Business From "Coyote Ugly"

There’s a scene in “Coyote Ugly” where a desk receptionist is turning away our lovely protagonist because she’s trying to give her a tape of her music to let the “big guys in the business” listen to.  The receptionist proceeds to tear her a new asshole with sarcasm laid so thick, she’s shitting bricks. It basically broke down the nature of failure in any creative endeavor and business. How in God’s name would I help you further your dreams when my own dreams failed miserably.

This is Hollywood in a nutshell.

NO ONE. And I mean it, NO ONE cares if you succeed. And wherever small town you came from where the church put together a fund to get your small rinky dink movie made, in the world of barking dogs, you’re a daily reminder of others failures. The fact that you come with enthusiasm, sweetness and homespun charm…good luck with that. People want to beat down mangy dogs. It is a dirty shame, but I saw so much of this (and experience some) that it is a despicable function. And a necessary  evil. If you want it bad enough, you're willing to do anything.

It bears some irony that the ones who run the entertainment business. Has such a big heart towards Somalia or Haiti or some third world country, but will not extend kindness to a fellow American trying to crack into the business.  These people are far more ruthless than corporate. Which leads me to conclude what theory had existed before that those who do the most charity have the have the darkest of hearts to mend.

"Cinderella" (2015) review

Yeah I went to see this movie alone. It's not what you think. It was shot on film. That's why. I totally risked seeming like some pedophile, since the rest of the audience was made up of mothers and their little succulent daughters. That's a joke, you filthy fucking animals. The best was seeing a grandmother with her (assuming) grandchild. That was the sweetest. Princesses in different age brackets. I probably looked like some fucked up junkie staring at them with tears in my eyes that they spent time together at a movie like this.

The reason why this movie didn't light any fires, is because it's nothing new. It's exactly what you've seen, heard, read. But I don't care. I liked it for that. The cynic in me was bored to tears. Since the dialogue is corny. But then I tried to imagine what a book would read like. That's it. Directed by Kenneth Branagh, I was surprised how charming it was. Not because Branagh isn't charming, but because he's not someone I'd think on my radar to direct this (according to IMDB the original director was Mark Romanek (Yes..."One Hour Photo" creepy Robin Williams Mark Romanek). Disney's getting weird.

Anyway, what I really want to gripe on is the rating. It's rated "PG" by the MPAA. I have no idea why. There is nothing salacious, mean, scary, violent about it. In fact, it makes great effort to keep things on the line. Not even a crass joke. THEN it hit me. These old fuckers at the office probably watched it and got a chubby. The mere implication that a girl's cleavage could give you wood conjures sexual thoughts to these dinosaurs. Well MPAA...FUCK YOU. "Cinderella" was sweet. CORNY like you wouldn't believe. But this movie wasn't made for me.

Incidentally, anyone who says they can emulate this type of look through a digital raw file...good luck with that. THIS is a reason to shoot film. Texture, color and scope of this movie and the pure look was...magical. There is NOTHING like it. I've seen plenty of movies that attempted to get this look...not even close. And I'm not just schilling for film here. I was purposely trying to discount why they would shoot it. Man...the look is unbelievable.

Or You Could Be Like This...

When I was a kid about 12 or so, I remember my Dad's business partner's son (who was about 3 years old at the time) fall out of their two story home. He landed on his head and was brain damaged for life. Life being that he died at 18. My Dad's partner turned to religion. In fact Christianity to figure out why this happened to him. I never talked to him about it. Even at that age it was really impolite. They never brought it up. Nor did they ever share that tragedy. Was never even told the son had died while I was away at college. Only that they kept him alive for that long. I imagine it to be really burdensome. The face of someone who could've grown to be a bright person and excel at life, cut short, because of one stupid moment where a window was left open.

I don't say this to bum you guys out. I say this because most of our lives we live in so much uncertainty. That uncertainty seems to be of the future. Whether or not you will have enough to eat and a place to live. Our greatest fears, I think, is to be another victim of life. In this case, they weren't given a choice. But, it made people reconsider what was important in life.

To me, it was always following your heart. To do things. It meant a lot of sacrifice, but I think I could say now that a lot of it was worth it. I believe I would've been a bigger disaster had I stayed in Ohio and married my college girlfriend. A lot of resentment. I think, in some sense, I would've been that kid with a head injury, living to die...and not living to live.

This type of emotional trauma to people, I think, should make you re-evaluate what you think is important. A lot of anger, resentment, grudges...SUCH A WASTE OF PRECIOUS TIME AND LIFE. I hope that would be a mantra, if you are this type.

All Style, No Substance

An old friend had read a few scripts of mine. He brought up an interesting observation. I write mostly style, very little substance. He compared this type of style to a director like Tony or Ridley Scott. “Thanks” I said, figuring it was a compliment. I don’t think he meant it like that. He said I write mood. A tonal movie and very little story or character development. When you think about movies like that, I think you walk away from them and just say very little.

I started to think about the stories that drive these types of filmmakers. For instance, if I were to break down Tony Scott’s movies, I couldn’t tell you one of them that had character development. I think the closest one was  “The Fan.” I wonder if this didn’t lead to his depression.

Anyway, going through his filmography, I really can’t see a single movie that a lead in the film has depth. Depth like, say an Anthony Minghella movie. I watched “The Talented Mr. Ripley” last night again. Wow, is that movie beautiful. It’s like Italy shown in the most beautiful light. BUT the lifestyle too. That is all nice, but what transcends the subject, is the character of Tom Ripley played pitch perfect by Matt Damon. His characterization of Ripley is of a man who is so desperate to live the lifestyle of the rich and wealthy, he despises his own poverty. He dreams to live the way Dickie Greenleaf (played by Jude Law) lives. A beautiful girl, money and a life of leisure. Then you realize, not everything is truthful with his life as well. This is great filmmaking. No one is one thing at all times. People change. And their behavior will destroy them. Then I examined “Blade Runner.” The original script seemed to have examined Deckard’s inner conflict which you hear in voice over. It’s a cheap gimmick they ditched in the director’s cut. But for the theatrical release, they wanted to make a film noir. This doesn’t require inner monologue’s. And the only reason he becomes conflicted with his hunt for replicants, is that now he has fallen in love with one of them. THEN, to add a twist…it’s implied that he may be a replicant as well. Hardly the same type of behavior that connects us as human. Seems last minute. Which is why they had conflicts during the shoot. They just couldn’t figure out the “human element.”

I recently wrote a quick script to fast track into production. This was due to a film noir atmosphere movie I always wanted to make. I realize that there are just key moments that I would not have time to develop in a short. My friend Sam had pounded out a quick synopsis based on a concept/location. Train station , man sitting on bench, woman with knife runs into him – GO!

He had a great concept. And could be told completely without dialogue.  However, I felt that it lacked a connective film noir element. That the woman gets away with screwing over the guy and leaving him to his demise. He’d written a nice ending. That’s when I added that he was on the run, as was she, and they run into each other at the train station, only to have him get screwed over in his escape by a woman he showed kindness to. Then I realized one thing…logic. Why would these two “accidentally” meet and just happen be her escape route. If he never existed, she’d be stuck.. Fuck me.

So I shuffled the story around to not make it so coincidental, and maybe imply she already has plans to screw him over. This still doesn’t solve my problem of behavior=character=story. But maybe that’s not a bad thing. Maybe just watching a high style movie, people can just walk away and say “man…that sucks.” Worked for early Billy Wilder.

Martese Johnson: New Bloody Face Of Outrage

The new platform seems to be no longer an "act like a thug be treated like a thug" stance. The Black community is now turning the focus to here's a honor student (in Italian studies & media) who got the beat down by cops for attempting to get into a bar with a fake I.D. That's the information for now. An altercation occurred and he was man-handled by Beverage Control (are these guys even cops?).

Now outrage pours from social media about how a bloodied young man on the ground had been abused.
Two things...
...should we not question why a person who attempted to get into a bar with a fake I.D. and was turned away, this fact is ignored by the outraged?
...wouldn't you think by now, ANY physical altercation between the public and Black folk would be seen in this light?

The campus had a protest about it, 1000 people showed. Like there's anything better to do in college. I should know, I showed up to these trying to meet women. Hell no I won't go! Or whatever your stupid cause is that will get me some pussy. I get it though, when I was younger, I was somewhat of an idealist. I think as you grow older you realize humanity sucks balls. Everyone is an asshole to different degrees. Because your existence doesn't benefit anyone. You have stupid ideas, and your function in life is more of a speed bump if I have to look at your dumb face.

Protesting is a waste of time too. Blacks seem to love to march for anything. THAT I don't get. I'd get golf carts or those mini-cars like the Shriners have. Drive around in circles beeping the horn. Marching means you have to walk and talk to the other idiot next to you. AND, what can political people do other than pretend to care about your cause so they can get re-elected.

I guess in a way, it's something to whine about. Something that doesn't effect anyone. Seriously, how does a college kid who attempted to get into a bar with a fake I.D. pay my taxes or be the face of equality? Weird, no?

Asian Equality In The Community

You know, my Mom has a silent contempt for Asian people. Not sure why. Other than she probably believes their behavior is annoying. She doesn't realize that some of her behavior mirrors her own. So in defense of "our people" I'd like to say...
...whenever there is a conversation about race and equality, you hardly hear a peep from the Asian community. Why? I have a theory...

I believe it's because we have integrated ourselves where ever we end up. There is a level of respect to keeping to yourself and NEVER drawing negative attention to yourself. If there is an inequality, rarely (if ever) are there marches to support this. The thing about Asians, that are split into SO many dimensions and include parts of Russia and all of India, is that we don't give a shit about equality. IF I were to lose a job  somewhere, it's not because of my slanty eyes or brown skin. It's because I didn't try hard enough. Guess what? Try harder. If people don't like the way I tend to my home, guess what? I trim the bushes and clean the trash off my lawn.

In America, Whites, Blacks and Hispanics seem to have this...contrarian chip that says "fuck 'em if they don't like it...this is America. I can do whatever the fuck I want and Joe Schmo from next door isn't going to tell me." Well, I don't think I've ever been around an Asian person who takes that stance. It's not worth the hassle. And it keeps you off the radar. The worst thing that could possibly happen is that it escalates to a place you do not want to be.

I think a lot of times is that if someone suggests that you aren't living better in life, that they are superior to you. I take it as more of a opportunity to learn. My Dad didn't have a lawn in Taiwan. When he got his home and yard, he could only look over to Mr. Matson's home and mimic it. Not turn it into a hay and farmhouse like Taiwan. Sure, there are moments, such as hanging clothes to dry (since my Mom was too cheap to use a dryer). But even then it wasn't stretched across the yard so that it was unsightly. Keep a low profile. And you never have to deal with other people's shit.

Maybe...just maybe America needs this discourse. The idea that inequality is a constance struggle. That Blacks, Whites and Hispanics need to constantly refresh our memories about the Constitution. Or why we should value freedom. I think most people keep themselves in chains, when they claim there isn't equality in the world. It's unfair, yes. But it's not unequal. I think we all can do whatever we want. Laziness and convenience is the real culprit. March against that.

No Distinguishable Trait In Movies

I think we're at a point now where we can't really see a director's mark in movies. The only person I can think of who remotely stands out is Quentin Tarantino. The rest could be shuffled around like mah jong tiles. Tony Scott, my hero, passed away. He's be the other one where if I saw a trailer for his movie, I could tell it was him. Same for Wes Anderson.

Who is left? No one. That's sad. There is no unique voice. And maybe the industry doesn't want it. Case in point James Wan is "directing" the new "Fast 7" movie. Directing? Really? How much louder could you "direct" Groo to scream out that he lives a quarter mile at a time?

I hate going to movies for this reason. Just no real distinguishable difference. Everyone is interchangeable OR inter-related. Chris Pratt could play some smart aleck space jockey, OR a smart aleck dinosaur tamer. OR...I dunno.

This shit is so dead. There just is NO room for style anymore.

No I'm Right...No You Are

I just had a heated exchange with a sales person about something I saw online in regards to their equipment. It deteriorated to me screaming to this jerk that their product is still online. His argument was, did I go to their website or did I Google it?

Um...I see it on their website. But did I Google to find their website? Yep. And I see the FUCKING item on their website. He explained (tersely) had to go to their website and navigate to their lens section. Really? Like it I clicked on a link to their website, that item doesn't exist?

To which he finally relented and said this was something that was floating out in the internet somewhere. To Mike in sales of Visual Products....FUCK YOU and your website. It sucks. Not only does it suck, it's going to lead to heated discussions like this. Because you're a fucking idiot that doesn't know their shit is floating around like fireflies for dickheads like me to call about. Clean up your space, and we wouldn't have this fucking problem, right? You're a goddamn business for crissake. I expect it from my 16 year old nephew who is lazy and doesn't delete shit. But a multimillion dollar company? Get bent.

So, here we were at an impasse. Due to a misunderstanding. Do you want me to badmouth your company on a blog. Keep mouthing off to customers. Asshole.

Ask Women: Podcast review

Whenever you listen to women talk about what women want, the first thing a guy wants to do is to shove something sharp into our earholes. Maybe hoping you'd stab your brain and erase what you've just heard. What I like about this podcast is that they know how stupid they are. They have a dude chime in as a "voice of the guy."

the show is hosted by Marni Kinrys & Kristen Carney. One looks like Madonna with down syndrome, the other is gonna feel the effects of babushka-ism soon enough. I think they're attractive in that sense. That they are attainable to the general public. And their insight into the dating world is fascinating, given that they're both married.

They seem to have fun picking the most schlubbiest of questions by very sad desperate men. In my youth I'd completely would've written them with my plight. Now...I could give a flying shit. I just like to listen to car crashes.

The do have interesting guest though. A bunch of wingmen. One guy is a systemic dating guru who is popular on YouTube, but a disaster trying to convince these two women he's remotely interesting. That's the point of his life, is that he enjoys being in the subconscious thoughts of women as "that guy who annoys the fuck out of me." Hey, if it works, it works. But, acting like a douche is too much effort for even the prettiest & tightest of snatches. That's just my dead libido talking of course. For all others, it's worth a try to stave off loneliness. Me...I think it's an interesting way to hear interaction between "the game of dating." Are they experts? So they say. But a woman crowns herself an expert every time she does it one time. Put a meat loaf in the over, she's an expert chef. Suck one cock, she gives the best head. And so forth.

I think for the most part though, I feel like it leaves you with more questions than answers. Because women are indecisive. If we're to be completely honest here...women go for hot guys who look like they can fuck. But that would only last 15 minutes and they wouldn't have a show.

Buying Motion Picture Camera Gear Part 2

"I'm willing to pay X amount for your motion picture film camera. Because it's all I can get my hands on."

"I can offer it to you for Y"

"No, I only have X amount. I can't get anymore. Check it out, here's a listing online for an updated version of that camera for less than what you want to go."

"I'll ask management"

A day later

"Y is the lowest they'll go on that camera. Feel free to come by and take a look."

Thinking to myself: Did I not just say X is all I can spend? Is this dude fucking with me?

"It's worth a try" I write back "Maybe when he's tired of it sitting in your warehouse collecting dust, we can renegotiate. But I want you to understand, the next price will be Z."

Fuck them.

Hipster Children

Fuck you. I want to kick your fucking kid in the fucking head. Then kick you in the balls. Look fuckface who couldn't start that glam hipster band you wanted to at 20 and at 40 you're still wearing black nail polish. I hope you die in a fucking burning building. STOP thinking your cooler than the people who raised you and start acting like a grown up. A grown up doesn't treat their 3 year old like an extension of themselves. They don't care who the Ramones are. And you're not unique. You're an asshole who won't let their kids be kids. You feed them gluten free, free range shit. And pump it in their brains that society is toxic to them. Know why? People hate your fucking stupid face.

You overspend on clothes they outgrow in a few months because your ex (yes, she probably got enough of this faggoty shit) forced this on you. You're NOT cool. You're old. And you aren't expressing anything. You're raising a bigger asshole than you. Because this type of "expression" says to the kid that there are no boundaries to them. They are king. And they are the best. Your retarded kid sucks, dude. AND now you saddled them with hip punk kids. I can't stand this trend in Los Angeles. Burnout losers. And you wonder why there are shit head kids in L.A.

You know what the real problem is? Women who fuck whiny fagbots. You know these guys who tag strippers? Strippers are deeply abused women who find guys who are like...women. Makes sense, yes? Because a "rocker" is spineless coward of a crybaby which they describe as "sensitive." Yeah, you perpetuate these fucking assholes. Like Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson. Your kid is going to get so many jokes about jizzing in your face. You couldn't punk someone back then, you're going to be castrated now. So raise your kids like kids. Let them understand the appreciation of Osh Kosh. Not spike their hair into a mohawk and make them look like your stupid face. THAT should be child abuse.

Shapeless Jazzercise

I go to this gym up north from where I live. Drive about 17 miles outside of Los Angeles. This is very much on your way to next-to-nowhere. I like this gym because it's motivational. In probably the wrong ways.

I pass this morning group of middle aged women doing some type of dance workout. Zumba? Jazzercise? Who the fuck knows. All I know is that they are shapeless blobs doing somewhat sleazy dance moves. now before you get on my case about judging, they are doing this:
A) in front of a wall length mirror
B) with a wall length glass behind them

In other words, there is no hiding. There's just something really off about a flabby middle aged woman doing these types of moves in public. Clearly an attempt to stay in shape. My thoughts are this...it's not working. So fucking stop it. You look stupid. From front and behind. And you should know people judge you. This is fucking America. Anyway...

There's another gym I go to that is in the deep armpit of the San Fernando Valley. It's also an L.A. Fitness, but a converted one from what looked like it use to be a "whites only club." Or racquetball club. It just looks very 60's. Anyway, there's this really fat woman who goes in the Sunday I'm there. She pedals a stationary bike with her fat folds overlapping the chair, watching the t.v. Just pumping those ham hocks away. I respect her so much. She doesn't go on no damn floor and gyrate like some Alaskan stripper. I think you need a bit of shame to fix what's broken.

Gettin' Motivational

Okay, let me get motivational here for a second. Most of this is pretty much speaking to myself.

You know, success is built on time given to the craft you choose. Most people put in JUST enough to get by. But as you're doing that, someone is inevitably putting in more. They're obsessed with it. To a point, if you matched their fervor, you'd be burned out.

Know what? That thing isn't for you.

If you decide to do something, there isn't a mid-way point. It's all or nothing. A person who tells you they are exhausted after 10 hours on something they supposedly love...FUCK YOU, you're dead.

I find myself constantly pushing to get better. My brain moves slow nowadays due to rehab fog. But I know if I'm not putting in my time, I'm no better than the first year kid who comes into town with hopes and dreams. In fact, if that's my competition, I fucked up somewhere. I should already know, that in order to climb that ladder, I have to push past exhaustion. I've been writing everyday now. I don't care if it's good or not. Whether I feel like I should be writing or not. I've got no choice. The minute I feel burned out by it, I write here. Every minute that passes where I haven't moved from one spot to the other, someone else has. They are willing to suffer past where I'm not. I think those who stay in the game know this. I was talking to an old film school friend about this. He's fallen a little through the cracks as he no longer is that interested in production. ONLY that he stays creative. To him, there is a level of re-invention. Instead of the bullshit that comes with putting together a movie, he works with one other person to get a comic book of a feature script he wrote. Is it good? Who cares? He GOT SOMETHING DONE. I think he doesn't realize what an accomplishment just have a feature script written is. Most people talk about ideas until the cows come home. No one has anything written down. It's that fear that brain to type doesn't add up to what you thought. Or you get bored. And you quit. Stephen J. Cannell a writer for most of the evening actioners back in the 80's and 90's once said that he never started a script he didn't finish. Good or bad. He got to the finish line. That stuck in my head, because it's very much like our business to not want to run through a briar patch. When you hit a bump in your brain, it's agonizing trying to dig your way out. What Cannell realized is that, the solution may be stupid as fuck, but it's at least a resolution. That feeling of completion is in every one of us. To leave something at the halfway point...this lingers whether you think about it or not. I've got about three feature scripts in the middle, which I just need to complete. It's aggravating because my thoughts are pulled in so many directions. BUT that's on me. If I'm not stepping up, I'm stepping down.

I have to propel past my own suffering. There is no other way.

Burpees: Life's Punishment For Being A Lazy Shit

If you haven't done these, you should. It works the heart out, and engages your complete body. I would even add in a pull up as you leap up (if you're in a park and next to bars). best example

 You will shred a TON of weight almost immediately. Do three sets of 10 of these per day.

That's it.

Buying Camera Equipment & Stupid Digital People

I've recently been shopping around for 35mm motion picture camera. This is the fucked up part of Los Angeles. The insurance for a weekend shoot if you want to rent from any place and if you rent something even as small as a director's chair is over the cost of what a film camera cost now. Smart choice is just to shop around for camera.

However...I've been insulted, laughed at, and ignored for the low-ball nature of what I want to spend on a film camera. Here's the deal:
If I were to buy a digital camera, the cost would be roughly the same, give or take a lens here or there, BUT...HUGE BUT...No one gives a flying fuck about a digital camera. If I sold you a 5D mark 2 or even a Sony CineAlta camera from 2 years back, you'd think I were giving you a flaming pile of shit. It's just as useful. MEANWHILE, here I am haggling like some rabid gypsy over a camera that was introduced in 1974. Yes. 1974. Let's get to the core of what we're thinking here...
digital does not last.
Film has already been proven to last
OR...maybe people who own film cameras are just douchier? Not. It's because it's still FULLY functional. It still surpasses cameras that are built today.

People in this business are so fucking stupid. The newest is NOT the best. The best already exists. And has a track record. Again, what this business is doing is training people to see lower quality and paying the same price. And they've proven, yes they have, due to you idiots...that it doesn't matter. You'd watch an epic on your smart phone.

Anyway, I'll keep plugging away at acquiring film cameras, you keep re-buying the same fucking camera year after year. Except maybe next year they'll add another button that doesn't do anything and call it something cool. Fuck you digital shooters. You're retarded.

Online Dating Sort Of

So I got back into online dating. Not online dating, because if it were really that simple for me, I’d be out every night. It’s really “online crapshooting.”  The thing that bums me out about this is that women get flooded with emails. Guys just destroy mailboxes with the prettiest girls. I’m guilty. However, I only send one message, and if I see that she’s viewed me and haven’t responded, I move on. It’s that guerilla.

My stats aren’t bad. Just middle of the road. And in a sea of blanket messages and just picture, swipe and move, it is disheartening that none above the age of 30 have responded. Frankly, maybe it’s a good thing. I was reminded as I was hanging with a friend, at the age of 40, I do have my shit together. I didn’t think so, but then he broke it down.  In Los Angeles, if you can pay your bills, have a car and a job you like, you pretty much won the lottery. You are the elusive catch every woman in town would want. So they say. I was shocked how many people don’t adhere to just being an adult. Yeah, it sucks. But I thought I was a child. Nope. Millenials apparently are horrid about this. Some at the age over 30’s just don’t have it in their wheelhouse to move forward. Which means different things to different people. I always thought it meant owning a home with wife and kids. Apparently, in these Obama times, it means paying your bills in your own name.

I think a lot of us get away with it because we do have passable jobs. My job makes enough to live alone in a one bedroom with spare change for retirement and being able to eat where I want (well, the places that don’t require suit & ties). I really streamline my life, since I figure why pay another bill you don’t have to. No internet, means no Netflix, means no real t.v. I make due with checking out movies at the library, or if need be, buy them on EBay when I get access to it.  I rarely turn on air conditioning or heat. I turn off lights when I can, have swapped cooking and eating out (to save on gas). And I shower at the gym to save water.

Last night my sister had texted me that my Dad had said I’ve been the least he’d had to do things for. No moving stuff. No dropping in making sure life is okay. No paying my bills. Just an absentee who pokes out their head to say “hi” every once in a while. Ask about others I’m related to. I see on Facebook, people who do hang with their siblings. It seems very nice.

My friend is having a kid soon. He had gotten money from his family to buy a house. The money was then pulled out (due to personal reasons) and they are now downsizing. He’s got one kid, and another on the way with a wife. They had a beautiful house in the Valley. A place where I could see a family be raised. Even though my own belief is that L.A. is a terrible place to have a family. They are now back on their own. For me, as a single person, I find it shitty, but not insurmountable. As a family, this is the risk you run into. It sucks having to put others before yourself. Maybe “suck” is too harsh. It goes against human nature…I think, as a person who thrives on being individuals. Your identity becomes your family. I really value my freedom. Some people value purpose. I understand both.

Muscle Maintaining at 40

Damn, did I get way off topic. I actually changed this blog into vignettes of Los Angeles because, quite honestly, I fucked up in terms of building muscle. Because I'm no longer interested in building muscle at 40 years old. Maybe it should be "Maintaining Cut Status at 40." But to be perfectly frank, I lost the drive and energy to do heavy weights.

See ever since I stopped drinking, my body has turned on me. It functioned with booze for so long, it doesn't know how to process NOT being in recovery. The brain gets light headed and I just don't have the energy or drive to push through like I use to have. On top of that, if I do decide to be slightly physical, I'm sore the next day. Bone density feels weak. My muscle system feels jello-y. Yeah, I'm trying to ride this wave out a little. I snack to keep the energy up. Protein drinks mixed with greens. I've switched to eating olives as well. Pushes back the pangs. I understand why it's so easy to go back onto the sauce. Because I know if I had that one drink now, I'd be back to pushing through during workouts. The mind and body need to coordinate.

This does prove a theory of mine though. That a lot of our body type is very much genetics. I can do heavy weights till the cows come home, but it won't make me bulky like a pro wrestler (even though those dudes have to be juicing). My frame doesn't require that I can handle a Schwarzenegger load. Let me rephrase that. The muscle density of a body builder. Even though Franco Columbu has my same height, he still has width. Let me rephrase that...his shoulders are wider to handle the density of his muscles.

I'm wiry. With the hips of a teenage girl. S'how I was built. But now I'd just like to maintain the small amount of mass I have. Not bad for 40 years old. But one thing is, my brain has to get back to telling my body to out-physical when needed. I need to get my heart back into shape now. Heart good=burn fat.

L.A.P.D.

I've had one run in in the last 10 years of being in L.A. with the police department. Actually it was a pleasant exchange which basically amounted to an insane roommate who called the police on me. The cops knew she was out of her mind, and admitted that they were there so she didn't do anything bad to me or herself. They knew she was nuts, and one officer actually told me to have them on speed dial. They couldn't arrest her or detain her. She hadn't done anything. Needless to say, I slept with a knife next to me. Insane people can do insane things because they don't have limitations. Then they can get away with it because of being insane. We really don't have prevention to combat this. And, for the most part, it doesn't make the state money, so fuck you.

I recall in the early to mid-90's L.A.P.D. specifically the Rampart division were busted for being more criminal than criminals. This really set the police back by 20 years. There's never been a culture where the police in Los Angeles were ever fully respected. Yes, there were pockets of sympathy, but for the most part, it's always us against them. And they don't differentiate. The issue is that the attitude when you get questioned by authority is that we have in the back of our minds a mistrust that police are accusing us of something. It's more than likely they're trying to set us up. Pretending to be your friend. Or good cop/bad cop. Even the most honest of us play this game nowadays that we have to outsmart the officer. Especially true when you see how young police look these days. I feel sorry for the police in Los Angeles. The blues use to give you some respect. Kids grow up wanting to fight crime. Like Spiderman. Fuck that. There isn't any money in it, and you probably will develop a drinking problem.

My college girlfriend's dad was Baltimore highway patrol for decades. Eventually he moved on to being a Fed. But he's never pulled his gun. It's funny how people think police are itching to shoot someone. He admitted he NEVER wanted to pull his gun. The old adage is true, if you pull it, you'll more than likely use it. Then imagine at the end of that barrel is a face with eyes and that that person had grown up who has a family. And someone who cared for that person. And people are saying better training is necessary. I don't think there is any type of training to prepare you for a situation where you have to consider whether this person will kill you. Having blues and a shield doesn't make you less scared. And adrenaline will eventually wear off.

Cops Shot In Ferguson

Oh shit.
It's on.
And it's not going to be good.
Two police officers were shot outside a police station in Ferguson whilst some of the community were protesting.
Protesting what as this point is confusing, considering the chief and few officers and Ferguson's city manager had already resigned. This is a total mess.

Now...I don't know if any of you ever watched "The Warriors" but it's very much that type of situation. A meeting about finding an agreement goes awry when one of the gang members kill Cyrus and blame the Warriors. At this point they painted a monster target on their back trying to get back to Coney Island.

Okay, it's not exactly the same, but it seems like there are a small faction of dissatisfied people who are hellbent on starting a war. Cops against community. Alright, let's be transparent, black community. To take a shot at police outside their own house, isn't just a random act. This is a despicable act that puts the community in more danger than you've already perceived was terrible.

What the fuck do people want? Do they want police to just clear out of town, let them police themselves? And where is the Department of Justice. My guess? They're as scared as everyone. Though it didn't stop Eric Holder from making speeches. These idiots...you know what...I'm not going to call him an idiot...I honestly have no idea what to do either, because I don't know what people want. The law had cleared the cop of killing that guy. It happens unfortunately. We don't get what we want. O.J. murdered two people. He got away with that. We don't get what we want. Does it effect ANYONE? Not really. There are people who think everything effects EVERYONE. Listen, if I knew protesting against police would lower my utility bill, I'm the first in line with a gas grenade. But it doesn't. It doesn't buy me sushi. And it doesn't pay my rent. People are wasting their FUCKING time on this stupid thing that isn't even a cause. You want reform, spend your energy feeding the homeless. Or protesting prescription medication. These are the real things that are causing us to go bonkers.

What I realize is it is now guerilla tactics. Push a little. See what happens. If nothing. Push more. Than more. See what happens. They (a disgruntled group) essentially proven they aren't afraid of this type of pit war. What the government does now is going to be interesting.

Caaaaaan yoooouuuu diiiiiig it.

What Movie Lessons Can Be Learn From "Blade Runner"

Personally, I don't think Ridley Scott's made a decent movie since 1989. This was "Black Rain" (MAYBE "Thelma & Louise")

I think it has to do with accountability. I was watching a 3 hour documentary on the making of "Blade Runner" last night. Yes, THREE HOURS. And for movie makers I beg you to watch this thing. The thing was a trainwreck on all levels of production up to and past even today. Without giving too much away, people loved the script (written by Hampton Fancher from a book by Philip K. Dick and doctored by David Wbb Peoples). This looked like a brutal shoot. Everyone hated everyone. No one worked well with anyone else. They were covered in rain, dirt, smoke and debris. Oh, then they had to make a movie.

What I'm getting at is this...movies seem to work better when the director is a control freak and he has to answer to others. Ridley was new to the scene, even though he was a God amongst the English due to his success with "Alien" and the numerous commercials he'd done. Bring that ego into an American crew...uh...union American crew and you have just a fist fight waiting to happen. Story changed. Script changed. Harrison Ford hated everyone and the process to which he wasn't accustomed to. Basically, multiple takes with focus on details that seemingly didn't matter to actors. Meticulous design Nazi, Ridley just was pushing back when pushed. Now...he is surrounded by "yes" men. They know what he's capable of and there's no one to tell him his process is wrong. So now he has no process. Same with David Fincher. His movies suffered greatly after "Fight Club." The last when he had to answer to anyone. He's similar to Scott in that he is reportedly a task master. Except, now we all understand the genius and never question him. This is wrong. And unfortunate part of being successful and beloved by die hard fans.

I loved Ridley Scott. I love the style. That's what he was. A stylist. It's hard to label him as a storyteller, since his images outweigh any acting that's in front of it. But, MAN, guy accounts for every dust particle and smoke. And refuses to settle for less. Not so anymore. It's very clear these two don't have to listen to anyone anymore. And their movies suffer for it.

What I took from the documentary is that I should be more open to the struggle that it takes to make movies. That it doesn't have to be a smooth ride. And that I better have a good reason to explain to people why I do what I do. And hopefully others will share my vision. A disaster production doesn't mean the end of the world.

Sidetracked - Back To Health

Fuck, I really got sidetracked with the politics and news. Let me get back to why I wrote this. Which is, maintaining healthy body at 40 years old. Well, I just turned 40, so I only have three days of real knowledge.

Eating right is the name of the game now. I toss back fresh olives from the olive bar at grocery stores. Small slices of cheese. And I have salads now. I get fresh spinach and throw that in. For a flavorful dressing, it's sesame vinagrette. And a hard boiled egg. Salad shrimp is good too, but you can substitute with baked chicken. Speaking of which, the hot foods section at my grocery store sells baked bone in chicken. A breast yields me two salads worth. It's a really great deal. I noticed I felt a LOT more full with all of this, because it also takes me time to eat it. Yeah, it's boring. And you can't pour barbecue sauce on it. But as I mentioned in the past, it's about training your brain to crave healthier food than crap. Also, to clean out the kidneys I'm starting to mix cranberry juice in with my protein shake with a shot of orange juice for Vitamin C. You know what else is good? Sitting out in the sun to get your Vitamin D while you drink it. I think Vitamin D is a very undervalued supplement. And it's natural, and peps you up fast. Don't forget sunblock though.

Windell Middlebrooks R.I.P.

I met Windell on the film "Afro Ninja." If you see him, you'd know him. An incredibly happy-go-lucky bear of a man who oftentimes lifted the spirits of the set when he was around. He cracked me up. Always great whenever I was his audience. He knew when I laughed behind the camera, he'd recreate a funnier moment.

Windell apparently passed away from alcohol induced heart failure at 36. Doing a little research it occurs to people around 35-50 years of age when they've induced a large amount of booze for a while. Like myself, the symptoms do include dizziness, lack of breath, heart murmurs and so forth. Yes, I could be a hypochondriac, considering my doctor gave me a clean bill of health, but it's still scary stuff. Especially since I haven't accomplished what I set out in life yet.

I doubt Windell knew the damage he was doing to himself either. I had no idea that you could die of heart disease under the age of 50 unless it was like...a heart condition. But more than likely he stayed a party animal to the end. I'm not sure what the warning here is...almost like it was telling me what I needed to hear, in terms of how I have to remain on my path of no booze.

It's amazing, at my age now, people are dying off. And I'm not even old enough to get philosophical about it.