Women Are Easy Math Is Hard

I figured the irony already being that I am Asian and math should be easy and well...you know the rest.

I think some people might find it interesting...the dating world in Los Angeles, so I've set aside a block of time to speak about it from my perspective.

As some may have read, I've had a really rough time with alcohol. I think it's done permanent damage to my psyche sometimes. I get anxious when there is no cause. And I snap rather openly at people as I probably read their intentions wrong. Quite simply, I'm a total douche.

Okay, that said...I also think this has effected my dating life. By life I mean, for the most part, I've enjoyed hiding in the darkest corner of my dwelling and downing a fifth of something while harassing women online. Sad and pathetic?...you betcha'. But...and a STRONG BUT...it's kept me away from drinking and driving AND BONUS, I can always click away if the conversation turns to rejection.

Yes. My brotherhood that reads this blog, WE are the conduit of most (if not all) rejection. And you will not get out of it.

Los Angeles is a town of rejection. The most prettiest of the prom and the most hunkiest of studs come to this town to make it in front of the camera. Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on where you stand) there is a surplus of the genetically blessed. And they steel themselves for the harshest critics of all. The casting director who looks NOTHING like them but has the palm of their lives in a black Sharpie.  So vindictive they must be to have a plain Jane or a Simple Simon turn THEM down. Yes, these beautiful creatures are the byproduct of being feigned upon in their respective towns ONLY to be another face in the crowd here in sunny Southern Cal.

How would you feel if you were known for your blueberry muffins and people relied on you to save their bake-off year in and year out, ONLY to have the owner of Hostess be the judge?

I'd boycott Hostess for the rest of my life (which I know is impossible, but still...).

That's how these pretty people are. They boycott us norms. Because at some point a few of us decided to use our brains to get the career advantage over them. Some, even deviously made it a point to make it in the industry to exploit this loophole of genetics.

*speaking of genetics, there is a rash of attractive people here in Los Angeles whom seem to have been spawned from unattractive people. I think God or whomever you want to believe, balances the world through the use of high intensity drugs, dark mood lighting and weak primal urges, similar to urinating.

Los Angeles is SUCH a strange place for dating. So much to do, yet, so limited in what one wants to do if it isn't eating, watching movies or screwing. I think you can combine all three sometimes.

For me, and let's be frank...

...being short as I am, dark complected and Asian also carries its own stigma. Yes, there are a few known facts between Asian men interracially dating. And oddly enough, in Los Angeles, the melting pots of all cauldrons, we see very little of this. Sure, there are pockets where it's not such a big deal. But Asian dudes tend to stay with Asian chicks. There's biology somewhere out there about this...maybe. But I'm too lazy to read. All I know is you see more interracial dating with Asian women than you do with Asian guys. Draw your own conclusions. Here's how it is with me...

I grew up in the midwest. Cincinnati to be exact. The center of all things white. In fact, it use to be called Germantown. And I won't even get into Marge Schott. Wiki her. She's a laugh riot.

So my exposure to relationships have always been geared towards Caucasian women. It's just what I saw growing up. In middle school, there were some girls I had crushes on. Okay, I 'aint gonna lie, EVERYDAY I was smitten over some girl. I think it's because their features were so different than mine. Maybe deep down inside, to be a part of this dating pool would've been acceptance into this society.

I had two girlfriends in high school. Yes, two. One liked me because I was in band (not A BAND, but BAND, as in french horn; as in dork) but was really cut since I worked out a lot back then. The other was a longer term girlfriend. Both were exceptionally smart, really sweet, liked that I was different as well. The long term girlfriend took forever to get her to see me in a different light. We had trigonometry class together and we'd make out after school everyday. She was a year younger than me, but we still had the same math class together. Again, what did I say about the title of this post?

Anyway, my mom saw that we were really close. And quietly disapproved. Not of her as a person. But I was introducing a strange racial divide that still wasn't all that acceptable in southern Ohio into her isolated world.

I went to prom with this girl. We spent some time in the long distance relationship thing when I went off to college. The most poignant part of that conversation was the one day that her father came to our house. Without being confrontational, he spoke with a firmness about his daughter. The gist being that he didn't approve of us together. However, his tone, unlike my mom's, was more in tuned with the color of my skin.

It was crushing, since that was the beginning of the end of our relationship. Just in the back of her mind, we were always going to be different. She would have to live under the ceiling of her parents for another year. I couldn't possibly put her under that type of scrutiny. She dumped me.

College wasn't any easier. I'd like to think that I was a smooth operator. But it was embarrassing the things I did to get girls (and never got them). I joined theater at this time. NOT really theater but took drama classes. They were total b.s. but the prettiest girls were there (remember my rant about L.A....they start out in these classes). I was clearly not an actor. I could barely put together a few sentences together before I'd forget my line. They could tell I was a masher. Weren't that many Asians in Northwest Ohio. Certainly none in the drama department...try science.

I met the one girl my senior year in college I thought I was going to marry. She hit me hard. She was tall. Strawberry blonde. And sad grey eyes. I thought she was a model (even though others bypassed her). Not sure what she saw in me or what others didn't see in her. But I loved being with her. I'm sure I've mentioned her in previous blogs. Probably sounded lame.

Oh, so...back to dating in L.A. My advice to most young guys going out there to meet their mate is that...your mate doesn't have to be a "meet cute" scenario. It happens so rarely since, the people who believe in this probably don't fall under the "cute" category (but their children might) anyway. You have to play the odds. And keep a really open mind to what is available. SOOOOO many single people in this town because of this ridiculous notion of "standards". I'm not saying lower them, I'm saying be realistic. A leggy big-breasted blonde driving a Ferrari can't possibly be hanging with a guy with Converse Chuck Taylors with jeans and shirt that come from Ross.

And why would you want that standard anyway. You know how much a woman like that would cost you on an ordinary night? You do the math. I wasn't any good at it.