The Gays

It astounds me that I've actually gone this deep into my blog without having to mention what is very common knowledge (unbeknownst to my dumbass) that Hollywood is full of "the gays."

Apparently, a lot of wheeling & dealing is done beyond what has been known as "the velvet mafia." I'm not sure what that reference is other than a the gays really enjoy velvet. And the mafia. I dunno, by mentioning this, I could be dead in a very stylish dumpster in West Hollywood tomorrow with a dildo in my mouth.

When I first started going to the gym, I hadn't noticed this before. But it seems to me that a lot of gays frequent the gym a great deal. Maybe I'm in my own world with headphones on, I don't really hear the very effeminate voices. All I see are some incredibly yoked bodybuilders. It's sometimes shocking, for instance today, when a tattooed biker looking fellow was bench pressing what is equivalent to a Miata, talk to his friend like he just fell out of a Rodgers & Hammerstein musical.

The fact that I know R&H probably sets me up for all the gay vibes. Which sucks since I really love having sex with women. I think if I were gay, I'd have a better batting percentage. But my stupid brain always equates the peek of interest from a homosexual as the same interest that I should be getting from women. Which doesn't happen. Which sucks A LOT. I've been accused of having female tendencies from females. Talk about losing play upfront. Next time, less crying at "Yentl" on my part.

Oh yeah...gyms:
Yeah, so flamboyant Latin dude who straight (sic) up asked me if I went to that gym often while in the sauna. Yeah, I freak when that happens. I'm from Ohio. Comments like that get you killed. But I'm not homophobic. Yes, sometimes it pisses me off, because I would rather hear it from a big breasted leggy chick than a hairy El Salvadorean. And most people think I should be flattered since it takes a lot for a gay to take that risk of getting pummeled. But...I just put on my deepest voice and use my most heterosexual references to ward off the stench of gay "No, Paco, I usually watch NFL football on Sunday, drink some Miller Lite and crush the can on my large very testosteroned forehead."

I say "queer" & "fag" a lot because I think those words are funny. And I knock on my other friends for being "homos" or "faggy queers". But it means no disrespect to the gays. To me, it's straight guys hitting each other where it counts. In the sexuality department. AND when I say these things, it's also a bunch of us working class stiffs punk'ing each other out because we know we're not homosexual.

Anyway, are gays offended when we goof like we do? I don't think so. They know it's part of being guys. I hope. I suspect the gays actually enjoy when straight guys bash each other, instead of them. And, to be perfectly truthful, I would never use it as a hate term if I knew someone around me was homosexual and would be hurt. And there are a LOT of people who would.

Being gay in this town is not as forbidden as it use to be. Most flaunt it. Doesn't offend me. Some people it does. Some just don't like PDA in general.

But I only mention the gays because in these days where gay marriages are the talk of the country, I think to myself how unprogressive we are to deny that freedom. It's so stupid I can't even believe anyone could stand on the side of being against it. Like...similar to interracial marriages. I didn't even know it was not even legal until after the mid to late 60's. Was it really that taboo that if two people cared enough for each other, that you could pass a law to forbid it? Talk about playa' hatin'.

Yes, the very thought of homosexual activity is still strange to me. But a lot of guy friends I have want their girls to do anal. To me, that's pretty raw, and somewhat gay. So, why is it that it can be a fetish between man and woman and so seen as gross between two guys? Last I checked we ALL have anuses (as the martians have probed). So to me, it's really freakin' stupid.

Also, what self-respecting hetero dude would hate on gays. Let's face it, for the most part, they're better looking than us. Seriously better looking. They're also off the market to women, so how awesome is it that that just means more women for us?