Louis CK has an amazing bit where he goes to his doctor at the age of 40 and basically tells him there is nothing he can do to salvage any of his body parts. I mean, as a 20 year old, they can lift some parts form other parts and reconstruct a whole leg. But all he can do is cover the pain up with either medication or stretching. And that's all he can do before he and his knee both die.
Harsh.
Now that I'm close to my 40 mark, I all of a sudden understand. Our bodies betray us. It stops us cold and says "Yo buddy...you aren't a brand new model anymore, stop running like a fine tuned car when you're transmission is about to bottom out."
I hit one recently. And was taken to the E.R.
I woke up one morning with an overwhelming pain to my chest. I did the most stupid thing and decided to take a hot shower. You want to constrict your breathing anymore, try that and tell me how it feels from the bottom of the tub looking up at moldy tile.
I dialed 911. But I stopped at the first "1". Man, I'm 36 year old and calling an emergency response for a breathing problem. A shot of pain ran down my arm. Maybe...my arm was turning against me. As if to say "No. You will NOT call. We'll get thru this, you and me." That's when this thought occurred to me: most people die because they don't take this seriously. My thumb pressed the last "1".
EMT is a horrific ride and I hope never to see again. You imagine all types of scenarios and none of them positive. It took an ambulance and the fire department to arrive when I went outside to meet them. They seemed shocked that I was up and walking but clutching my chest. I walked towards them. Like Red Foxx. But they forced me onto the gurney and wheeled me to the ambulance. I kept getting surges of pain in my chest. It was hard to breathe. I was getting dizzy. One person sprayed glycerin under my tongue and asked me how I felt. It tasted like Bianca (only onld people know what I'm talking about). Little did I know glycerin is used to detect heart attacks. I told him it was fine. Better/worst...who can tell when you're looking up at the ceiling wondering how many other corpses had the same view. And fresh breath.
At the emergency room, they poke, prodded and pinched. I was hooked up to an EKG that would periodically emit a high pitch sound. That freaked me out. There was an elderly woman next to me that was suffering thru some intestinal issue. She moaned and groaned and kept saying "excuse me." I wasn't sure if she was talking to me. So, I ignored her. Sat staring into space. I texted my sister where I was and not to tell our folks. Didn't want them to worry. The elderly woman came from the convalescence home. She was my roommate for the next four to five hours. I been to college. She was the least incontinent.
Sitting there with all the apparatuses stuck to me, it occurred to me that people who come here die. This is the last thing they ever see. It is a scary wake up call to say the least. A nurse, who couldn't be less than 70 years old came in with a huge needle about to take blood samples. Now I'm already freaked about needles, so it didn't help that her hands were shaking (due to age). All the while she's mumbling how young people, like me, have a wild sense of imagination when it comes to ailments. I read stuff online and I think I may have it. Hypochondria is the technical term.
The doctor was really cool. Real nice. Didn't judge me for anything I did. I told him I had a bunch to drink the night before, so he gave me a sedative to calm my stomach. He thought it may have been acid reflux. Along with a panic attack. He did say that I had stressed my heart out a bit much because of the weights I was doing. He suggested that I get tests done with my regular physician before I move forward. He also prescribed Ativan. A friend later told me it was an anti-anxiety drug they gave alcoholics so that they can sleep. Doc said that it was like having a stiff drink. Doc...you're a cool dude and all, but you have no idea.
I dropped heavy weight training right then and there.
Nurses are funny people. The one I got was a dude. He seemed really peeved at me. I look fit and was probably taking up valuable real estate. To the elderly woman next to me, he was amazingly gentle and humane. To me, well...I may have fit the description of the guy who ran over his cat. I got the feeling after every question there was an added paranthetical, y'know the things people wouldn't say but their attitude says it already. Nurse: "And your heart hurts where (you piece of shit)?" "Oh...it's a sharp tingly sensation pulsating down your left arm (I wish you were dead, I'd take your wallet but you probably only have a dollar)." Modern health care. Gotta love it.
Hours later, I walked out of there. I forced myself NOT to do cartwheels, so the rest of the patrons wouldn't get any sense of hope. That would just be the best, huh?...do cartwheels out of there. People would think Encino ER performed miracles. How about this for a magic trick?...make that $8,000 hospital bill disappear.
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