You're Not The Expert

Okay, one thing that has really bothered me, is that when you acknowledge some sort of growth in life or a change, the other person continues to offer advice.

"I stopped drinking. Cold turkey"
"Hey man, that's great...there's this book about alcoholism..."

Hey idiot, LISTEN, the person had the strength the quit, what makes you think a fucking book or your pearls of wisdom will lead them to continue that path. It's an individual effort. And by the way, fix your own fucking life.

Dry drunk is mean drunk. Haha.

But this goes for everything. I have a friend who is into holistic medicine. Which I am totally for. Study it when I can. She continues to push her agenda on me like some born-again Christian. Hey idiot, we're on the same team.

Look, I know they mean well but there is that sense of superiority when it comes to knowledge. Or fervent passion for things. And everyone is an expert. To me, most intelligent people soak in the information.

Here's another approach to the above conversation:

"I stopped drinking. Cold turkey"
"Seriously? That's cool. What made you want to stop? What helped you stop?"

By gently switching the barreling advice turkey into a genuine concern turkey it creates a different dynamic.
Also, don't be that person who lists the benefits of it either. That's the single dumbest thing ever. Because, I can almost guarantee that person has considered it:

"Oh man, you'll feel better, have more money in your bank account, no more hangovers, bad decisions..."

Duh!

People do this the most because they think this keeps the person on track. In anything. Doesn't have to be drinking.

"Hey, I'm on a meal plan, going to shed 30 pounds"
"Great idea! You'll feel better, buy sexy awesome clothes, I'm on this plan that just drinks apple vinegar and a cleanse and we sit in a sauna and yadda yadda yadda blah..."

No shit, Sherlock.
How about this:
"Hey, I'm on a meal plan, going to shed 30 pounds"
"Cool. What made you come to that number? Is there a site that you're using?"

See, you're not the expert. Especially when it comes to an individuals' life. For instance, in my previous blog...my obese friend who gets defensive about it...my better approach would be to listen to his plan without judgement (which I judge here as idiotic or blatant lies), not offer a solution, but ask questions. People know who they are. They may not acknowledge the truth. But they know who they are. And they have to live with themselves.