Strong And Independent

I laugh when people say so-and-so in Hollywood is strong and independent.
I suppose "weak and seeks the approval of others" is too much to really say.
Because that's the truth.

I have never met anyone here that is strong and independent. Regardless of their reckless behavior. Myself included.
But I strive to be. I know it's a goal never to be attained, but attempting to go full autonomous is the key.

Pretty much key to all facets of life.

But even I can't say that. Because I require a "day job" to do what I want to do. The trick is to do what you want to do, but get paid to do so. And keep doing it your own way. Woody Allen has a benefactor. He makes his movies, they lose money (some don't), he keeps making his movies the way he wants to make them. Because someone sponsors him. He's not Hollywood. (note: I don't like Woody Allen movies, nebbish works in small doses, in an entire movie makes me want to hurl).

It's a struggle between craft and commerce. Because I refuse to let anyone tell me what stories to write because they're paying my bills. A lot of people out here NEED to be told what to do. A lot of people consider themselves independent and strong because they made the trek to Hollywood without a plan or money. They think they can live on the sly. And call themselves "independent". You're not. You actually are THE most dependent. Because you rely on the city. To not crack down. Because..."not playing by the rules" makes me independent. Get a clue.

This is the most frustrating part about my time in Hollywood. Is the painful unaware nature of their own selves being slave to the corporate machine. The hippie flower children who loved communal living and shared their resources became money grubbing producers. Or they were phony. Or they found out responsibilities had to be met...to grow the fuck up (in other words). The ones that are telling you it was about art, who didn't use their own coin to make their flicks are full of shit. Even one of my favorite directors, Hal Ashby, looked and dressed the part. We celebrate him being such an independent spirit. When he worked for the studio when the studio thought it was going to fold anyway. Also, he told good stories anyway. But how many directors was that? One?

The longer you're here. The more aware you are, the less you want any part of that.

Which is why I created my own commune. Which is why I celebrate the people who don't want studio backing. And are willing to truly work outside of the system without wanting to BE in the system.