I'm Better Than You

I had an ex-girlfriend who'd told me that the reason I drink is because my brain races around too much. That it had to be slowed down.

When I gave up drinking, the realization came that I had to face the terrible thing that haunted me since I was a teen: Validation.

It's really a crazy thing to realize but I ALWAYS had a chip on my shoulder. That I had to always think that I was better than whoever. This is a really insecure thought. Because I'm a short guy and sometimes slow to concepts, I was scrappy when it came to my abilities.

I think a lot of people do suffer from it. That they have to think to themselves that they are better than all of it. This is to protect yourself from things like rejection, and abandonment. I recall when my college girlfriend dumped me, my first thought was "good luck finding someone better than me." Y'see, we all do this. Women and men. We have to protect our ego, otherwise we'd head for the nearest bridge.

The "I'm Better Than You" idea is really destructive. I think the older we get, the less we care. I know once you're full blown adult living life, NONE of it matters. If you're healthy minded, the only thing that matters and the only validation you need is from family. It's strange how much more gravitas we put in the opinion of a complete stranger over someone who loves you unconditionally. I guess that's the point. You can't impress your family. They'd still be related to you, even if you suck at life.

We all suffer fragile egos.