Hollywood Hustler

I ran into an old co-worker last night just watching his short film. A very capable filmmaker. Decent enough person. But he's a mover and a' shaker. The kind that makes you a little apprehensive about this town. Because he speaks in hustler's vocab. "Sky's the limit, you can't get what you want until you try, son." This dude is younger than me, and vastly less experienced than yours truly.

What is really frustrating is this is not unusual. This is actually normal out here. This language is basically, inquire like you give a shit about someone's life, then completely ignore since they already have an answer for you. It's aggravating because it's actually better for uncomfortable silence, then...this.

I guess this is what people mean when they saw we're phony, or not authentic. Or raw. Raw people don't move, shake or schmooze. The lady at the Skyline Chili diner in Cincinnati, doesn't give a shit what you do or what you're doing. She does care about who you are as a person. A normal exchange that I've had in the past included: follow up questions, general concern, focus. We're really self-absorbed and narcissist. Now I'm not saying Cincy is a magical place with amazing people. My sister Jenny is self-absorbed. It's an obvious defense mechanism I've gotten as well. As, I'm more than sure, from my mom. Why else would I write this fucking blog if I weren't. I texted her last night of our nephew's awesome new job. She turned it immediately about herself and her day and some friend. This is me sharing family news. Not some trivia about me. No real interest in who she use to take camping every summer as a baby. Unbelievable. I had to shut that down. I called out her narcissism. She disappeared from the texts. I know she's angry and resentful now. She has that way about her. I may be banned from her life for the next decade. Which, on her deathbed, she will realize holding grudges only  hurts herself. She knows no other way.

I try nowadays not to do what I see others who aggravate me do. Which is mark time before it's my turn to speak. It's rough out here. The minute you slow down your speech is when the other person thinks you've turned stupid. Out here, searching for the proper words is...a liability. I value others ideas. At least I hope I, at least, validate it with some thoughts. Sometimes I just don't have the patience.
The Hollywood Hustler will never understand this.