Check Your Ego

One of the most sickening feelings to film shooters is when you get a phone call from the lab that rolls of your film didn't make it through their machine.

I'm not sure how to react. So overwhelmed with anger and sadness. Because there was a lot of time, energy and effort put into getting it. Then, it's yanked from you, due to no fault of your own. There I stood at the lab, a limp, crinkle strip of my negative, laying lifeless in the palm of my hand. You can see the outline of what could've been. Yeah...mocking me. And before you tell me that I'm a whiny piece of shit. And that I should get over it. Or call me an art fag. Think of it like this:
I'm sure a lot of you who hate your jobs still are pretty good at what you do. There's maybe a small risk that you are even skilled at what you do. So, every day you go in knowing exactly what you do day in and day out. This is the miserable part. Now...let's take a single day from your daily life. And you're asked to drive the train. This means, drive it wherever you like. That sense of responsibility and decision making, artistic license and so forth is now given to you.

Then you realize, the train is headed for a cliff (if you work in a business, let's say cash is no longer backed by gold, rendering dollars useless...so you become the banker with all paper money equivalent to shredded newspaper). Doesn't feel great being at the head of the train anymore, at no fault of your own. You just want an opportunity to do SOMETHING different. And here we are.

Okay, crappy analogy aside. This is really a painful situation for all involved. I mean, the lab is mom and pop...and struggle to keep alive with other things. Film processing being the lower tier of their market. And here I come with "professional" grade images. Acting shitty when I'm surprised the machine breaks. To save extra coin, I sacrificed piece of mind. AND...great big AND...this doesn't just happen to mom and pop. This is also big name places that do so. I mean, GIANT labs that take incredibly douchey people's film. Well, the mom and pop felt so bad for me, they gave me $200 back. Big name places tell you to go suck it. And now, I feel not only shitty I don't have the images I want, but now shitty because I took the money.

I'm in a quandry now to return the money. Even though it's far less than the cost of film, model time, makeup/hair, shooting time, and assistant. Because I so championed film, but now the flaws are excruciating.