Asian Fetish

When I was in undergrad, there was a girl who I took a class with. She seemed very artistic. But was far from it. A Caucasian girl studying Japanese. I'm not Japanese, but she had a really deep love for Asian culture. In fact, I believe she spent a few years in her youth in the Far East somewhere. She seemed to tail me in college. A lot. So much so, it got really awkward. I was infatuated with this other chick. So, really overlooked this girl. She was a strange cat. But I didn't really mind being around her since she seemed harmless. However, big thing...and something to keep in mind, as it is a lesson I learned in the past. When a person's eyelids don't touch their pupil, something is clearly wrong. This is the look of madness. Deer in headlights, when no headlights are involved.

Anyway, I just remember she'd tail me to the various bars around the small college town. She didn't drink. Not a drop. I sorta' treated her like a little sister. Everyday, she'd have a different wig on. Strange to me. Looking back, if you know any goth broads you'd know this was a really forward thinking style (incidentally, there's a girl at work now who dyes her hair so many different colors...I'd mused one day her hair will fall out. She responded "I'll just wear wigs," this same girl wanted the Star Trek enterprise badge tattoo'd to her left upper breast. Last I check, this is a permanent thing. Her response to this..."debating whether to get it on my ribcage or chest. I NEVER get a tat where it's visible with clothing, that'd be nuts." Yeah...you sure figured that one out).

I digress.

So this girl with an Asian fetish, well...needless to say I got drunk, ended up making out with her. And just really abusing her. And here's the fucked up thing...she didn't mind. In fact, I'd say terrible things to her. Then grope her. Didn't phase her. One day...I finally asked about her wigs. Why? Why? Why? (I was being a real dick). She said she pulled out her hair because she liked the sound of it being plucked from her skull. Uhhhhhh...say what? Yeah...she was insane. It was so strange as she exhibited NO SIGNS of physical/emotional abuse. I'd be curious to know what a psychiatrist would say. But, one time I saw her without a wig. She looked like a poorly shaved poodle. Her hair was in patches. The weird thing was...she is actually an incredibly beautiful girl. She had a very pleasant face. Just a proclivity of hearing follicles removed. So strange.

Well, once I got a girlfriend, she'd disappear into the fray. I heard from her here and there. I worked at the Mom and Pop video store in town...she'd walked in one night, with an Asian guy. Not just any Asian guy, a completely fresh off the boat Asian. This was a dude who spoke nary a word of English. And what made matters worst, he was from mainland China. She was versed in Japanese. I'd like to think she fulfilled her dream. Much like white dudes sometimes get Thai wives.

So, here's the thing, maybe it's my self-hating Asian (which is odd, since I enjoy identifying with that side of myself). But usually when I see Caucasian women with Asian guys, there's a side of me that thinks that the girl is batshit nuts. Something deep seeded in her youth. Usually these women (that most will tell you to sidestep) were loners. Did not play well with other kids. Read a LOT of fantasy/manga/comics. Nerdy but intelligent. Had an artistic streak. But I doubt that is completely true. I think in some sense, they're progressive far beyond me. There are jokes about this. On "30 Rock" experimenting with Asian guys was mostly done in college. And eventually they will outgrow it. We're seen as a diversion, until you settle down. Kinda' weird.

Anyway,  I think in the Asian guy community there is a sense of resentment when one of us find a white chick. They think they jumped the lottery some how. I don't care one way or another anymore. I think it's cool. Usually, the girlfriend will ask me questions ad nauseum about myself. So disappointed when they learn I grew up in Cincinnati. I do find it fun when I trade notes with my friend about being an Americanized Taiwanese. We've had a belly full of American culture. So it's fascinating when we discuss the nuances of being Taiwanese. The girlfriend/wife loves that there is a connection in eating fried canned gluten for breakfast.

I think it's great people find other people. I think that's all we're looking for. Someone we feel most comfortable with. Personally, I like talking 50's vintage. There's something about that era that I think I was born into. The style, color, lexicon. The sweetness underlying debauchery. Maybe that's what this girl in college was. So sweet. But deep seeded darkness. Some really sexy about it.