Heya Folks,
I've decided to take an extended break from the bottle again. IF I could be a cautionary tale, I hope some would take into account that it does mess your brain up. As well as any semblance of emotion you can think of. Well, except impatience with people.
Lately, I've felt numb to practically everything. When I drank, I think my brain weaved an emotion attachment to the feelings part. I believe, now...my sense of feelings were overtaken by what the alcohol provided me. Now, I think I'm suppose to feel something, but I don't. I thought this was going to be a relief, but it isn't. It is very much like "Eternal Sunshine of A Spotless Mind," one cannot pick and choose what your brain wants to forget or remember. This null feeling is extremely frustrating. Since, I intellectually understand that I should feel sad or angry. But I don't express it properly. I think this is also VERY dangerous. To the sense that I don't even understand if I make an insensitive comment. Well, you know I make them here. But in previous blogs, it was mostly tongue-in-cheek. AND I did feel something. Giddyness for my stupidity.
Now...
...not so much. I don't laugh when I write. Nor do I sense anything. This is a terrible place to be at the moment. Not entirely sure at what point my emotions will return, but in the meantime, I think it's safe to assume, I will stay relatively silent, until this passes. My only fear is...when I do get feelings back, wonder how it will manifest itself.
For those who are struggling to drown the voices in their head with booze, you may want to consider that some of what you are killing will never coming back.
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