When I first started in the film industry, gotta be honest, had no idea what I wanted to do. The influences I had were people like Tony Scott, David Fincher, Ridley Scott and well..all these former music video commercial guys. I desperately wanted to create my own media company that made short form projects because they were so cool. I did a lot of work as a cinematographer and researched a lot of companies. Pre-millenium it was tough. Still tough but much more manageable. Also I was broke. But you can still dream when you are broke. Probably dream more. I now consider my new step in the entertainment industry as, well...a communal collective. I have most of the equipment I need, got a reperatory cast, and now some crew folks. I am deeply grateful for the resources and I really wish more people were this lucky. So, in essence I have my own production company. Best of all...I don't need anyone's permission.
Whatever I make or have others make...has no bearing on the marketplace. I'm sickened by the machine that has gobbled up most of the innovators of cinema. Though, always a business, it occurred to me that it needs not be completely return on investment based. With a massive caveat. You need a day job.
Again, by sheer happenstance my day job supports this endeavor. And how great is that? Call it bragging, but the perks have outweihed the politics. Especially when you steamroll them. The trick...do something. I have battered and bruised co-workers to a pulp over these things. In Hollywood, there is no shame. Most people will not make it for that reason. That they aren't willing to swallow their pride. I wasn't for the longest time. Didn't get me anymore. And people are steadfast in their creativity but can't seem to adjust their lifestyle to suit.
I've had plenty of conversations on this topic. The actual process of making films suck. It does. Young people enjoy the comraderie of set life. Meanwhile, money is ticking away and time is leaving. As a proponent of efficiency, it's gut wrenching. I hate waste. And to be frank, filmmaking.
I think Billy Wilder said it best when he said that films are like a souffle. You make the thing, then it inexplicably rises or falls. This means no one knows what it will do regardless of how good it is.
I recall my 2nd film in film school was a short film called "Nicki Sweet: The Killing of A Dirty Cop." I made the thing incredibly cheap because I didn't get my student loan fast enough to make this other movie. Which, by the way, was really out of my budget. I had massive plans, and they all fell through which is why I resorted to making something easy, fast and cheap (pick any two). I dreaded showing my classmates. The thing about anything artistic, you are open to some ugly responses. Well, the showing to my classmates and my professors...I can only say was a massive hit. One of my professors laughed so hard and so long I thought he'd have a heart attack. He got the corny 70's detective homage. With his loud guffaws led to the class foisting the film up as best of class...that is...
...
until the final screening. Boy, was my ego up to eleven. I arrogantly gave the projection booth my tape and sat back to reap the accolades. Guess what? Not...one...single...laugh. Not even a cough. Finally when it ended, I shrugged "what gives?" The truth, you don't know what the audience will do...ever. That was a very interesting lesson in filmmaking. Some of it leaves you feeling just awful. Terrible and awful. The downside is...you retain your dignity. Yep, all downsides. So it really isn't the slightest bit fair. On top of that...you fight talent egos. I'm not saying I've had battles with actors. Quite the opposite. But sometimes, they don't want to share how disappointed they are. Most of the times...it's difficult to separate their likeness with the project. Can't blame them. Now if you have an ultra-sensitive actress, say...boy, it is an awful feeling when they don't back your work. It's happened. And will happen a lot. To be fair, there are few who feel good about what they do. As we tend to judge ourselves the worst.
But no one knows what will work. I recall hearing plenty of stories of talent who, after a screening would run out of the theater to not to have to address the public (I saw it in person). They were besides themselves with rage, self-loathing and a broken arm of trust. This town thrives on big talk and...well, subpar delivery. Though, after a few months only for the project to grow a following. Then an explosion of success. Meanwhile, the story of the talent that was disgusted by the project. Burt Reynolds comes to mind for "Boogie Nights." Championed by the world as a masterpiece, he didn't see it that way. In fact, he fired his agent shortly after. Only to be nominated for a Golden Globe, despite his lack of trust in director Paul Thomas Anderson. Perhaps Burt felt their sensibilities clashed. But this revived his career in a small bit. And that has to taste a little like acid. Not that I'm a PTA fan, but I can understand. With his ensemble group of serious actors, Mr. Reynolds undoubtedly felt out of place with his jock mentality. I would too. To point being, you can never explain this to people who don't do their research. And these are the land mines we navigate. It hardly does anyone any good to explain...EVERYONE GOES THROUGH THIS. It's not easy on any level. But our small entourage of true misfits try. That's why Ed Wood speaks to me more and to a LOT of people trying as well.
I think a lot of younger people struggle with the voices of social media. Haunted by what is essentially indelible. If it fails, it fails globally. And I pity that.
It makes no difference to me. I'm proud of things that are made, because we constantly try to push that boulder up that hill.
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