Much Doubt

I know I sound like a dude who gives a ton of advice like I know what the fuck I'm talking about, but to be perfectly honest, I don't. Neither does anyone else. There is a strong sense of most people that drives them to do things, and I'm not entirely sure what that may be. A conversation I had with a co-worker really put it into perspective. His wife had recently passed away with liver failure, and we both concluded that our lives are very limited without a purpose. Most people can sit at home watch television or play video games and go to work with enough energy to eat and drink something and that is enough. We both envied those people. Because if you're meant for something bigger, or feel like you are, there is an insatiable need to want to keep making things. No matter how good or bad. There is no other time then to seize every minute to accomplish a thing. Whatever that may be. But we get sidetracked.

I recently watched a 1971 Arthur Hiller film called "The Hospital." Written by Hollywood legend Paddy Cheyevsky. The film is brilliant, surreal and offers a very jaundiced eye towards the medical profession. It's about a burned out drunk doctor who is so stressed to the brink of life that when people start to die at the hospital, he instead falls in love with one of his patients father and attempts to flee with her. And folks...it's a dark comedy!
After watching this flick, I just knew in my heart I could never reach this level of brilliance. Much like Billy Wilder or some Coen Brothers films, this is genius level storytelling. While logically flawed, Cheyevsky made it work in his world. And...how the fuck isn't this not on the lips of more people. Aside from how grim the film is, it's incredibly poppy...and guess what else? George C. Scott is the doctor. It's hilarious, bitter, and sad. Amazing film. So it makes me depressed I haven't reached that level.

I also recently read a friend's feature script. And folks...yes this will sound arrogant, but I never thought any friends of mine could write well. I know, it's incredibly arrogant. But he presented me with a script and I essentially read it in one sitting. It's engaging, yet odd, funny and well-paced. And it's depressing that a good film will come of it. Because it's hard to fuck up a good script. And kudos to him! What a surprise. Typically, most scripts are horridly written (or worse, some tell me they've written a script and don't even have one).

What am I trying to say here? Right, if you stay the course and have faith in your own style...the sick feeling of envy should subside. It's entirely possible others are jealous of my opportunity to make things.