Disappointment

It wasn't so much The Ohio State Buckeyes lost. I would've been cool with Wisconsin Badgers. BUT a team whose athletic department habored a known pedophile is unreal.
Yet...yes..yet...after the initial shock...I was left with a sense of...it's alright. I'm not sure why. But..I think it has to do with the practical side of it. Which is
..none of these assholes pay my bills. Nor do they lower my taxes. Fact seems to be...the older I get the more I've concluded win or lose...our live move forth. That's food or bad dependent on your situation. In a shitty world...it would be a massive disappointment. Since...it would be all you lived for. Pride of a place you live.
Now...this same night the Chicago Cubs finally made it to the World Series since 1948. The Indians made it too. They haven't been there since the 1960's. Cub fans seem to make it like they're winning it. And I'm happy for them. Their futility of city pride has become a weird joke. As much as my awful Cincinnati Bengals. We may lose our identity if they ever win the Super Bowl. Not "us" the city.

I always imagine...after decades near a century of disappointment... a win falls from the sky. And they are champs...an old guy who owns a local pub puts up the team photo up on his wall. Then can tell the story of what was the most amazing season they lived through. A closure to life maybe.

I blend my disappointments now. Watered down by some shame, but othet realities. That at Penn State (the team that beat Buckeyes tonight) they were a few steps now away from the ugly recent history. I look back and do realize hanging a Scarlet Letter on them makes me worst than people who will never let the shame of slavery die ( yeh...I know it's an extreme comparison). Life goes on...and they don't know you from any other schlub in the stadium wearing their color jersey.
I'm deeply bummed but don't feel my life is over. And that feels good.