Sometimes You See Your Life Through Others (part two)

I've been doing things all wrong. We are never never ever servants of a faceless being. We are our own motivators, and the driver of our lives. Why, why, why do we let others' designate what our lives are suppose to be.

My dream wasn't to be working in a post house somewhere in Hollywood grudgingly punching in countless hours on someone else's project. It was that I would be recognize for the art I created in motion pictures. Along the way, I seem to have lost a certain step in the process. A 22 year old version of me that stepped into his VW Fox with its 80CCs and headed out west somehow vanished. So many obstacles. So many moments of convincing myself of what could go wrong. What does that sound like?

Fear.

Whiny fear. But fear nonetheless.

Fear, my dear landlord explained, is what stands in EVERYONE's way. Fear of losing everything. Why? Because we don't understand what it must feel like to be a complete and total failure, we're all happy to take the little nibbles of existence as NOT failing miserably and being a statistic. So we're a small failure. Tiny enough that the fear still consumes us but eeking out an existence.

Isn't it funny how we talk so very much about the rise and fall of people. Mostly the fall, as it is more comical. These cautionary tales spread like wildfire. And the next thing we know, we've talked ourselves out of taking chances. Self-sabotage.

How awful. Who told us we don't deserve the very best? Or that we weren't in control of our own destiny? My guess is the same people who enslave us with the meager scraps tossed to us in hopes of placating our instincts of survival. SO not the reality.

Reality is that NO ONE owns your future. YOU decide when you've had enough of rank and filing in line. We're not meant to be good li'l soldiers. We were meant to live a individualistic life. Where when we wake up in the more WE decide what to do. NOT the IRS. NOT your boss. NOT your spouse. Yeah, easier said than done. Because we fear. Fear getting audited. Getting fired. Not getting sex. All fears. Some more legit than others (sex). But this is terrible. Since as I add it all together, we just don't know what we want, we just know we don't want rock bottom.

I envy the ones who aren't anchored by fear. They seem to take it and re-distribute it to a more manageable task. I think their secret is...

...stay tune for part 3.