Sometimes You See Your Life Through Others (part one)

It worries me sometimes when I see guys in their 50 or 60's who look behind in their lives and wondered if they did the most they could do. Because I have a direct view of my future, UNLESS I choose to change it. At work I get the benefit of a young person who is just starting out in his career enamored with the minefield of a story of mine.

The old guys seem to be a ghost of Christmas future. They're skill set is so specific, very few options are opened to them when they're let go, or they retire. Both their hobby and their lives have inexplicably merged, so that when one ends, the other continues...just without a paycheck. And that is sad.

I'm in a sea of carcasses of dreams and drive I use to have. Mostly because complacency requires I just do, NOT do more. A young man's game, I think. Not quite.

The other day a woman had moved out of the neighborhood. She had been occupying her space for 25 years. Out of curiosity I walked to the patio and turn the knob of the door. It opened. Inside was the remnants of a hasty move. Dirty carpet, cheap book case, filthy walls. It was 25 years of neglect.

I turned towards the front door to see an elderly man. He startled me. Mostly because as a person of color, this breaking and entering may appear to be...dangerous for me. He happened to be renting the house I'm in now. A nice guy I'd met in passing. He didn't mind I had entered the home. He quietly removed his bermuda hat and looked around. He was the one who told me Marsha had lived there for 25 years. A feat I've yet to hear anywhere in Los Angeles.

He seemed a bit wistful. In his hands were drafting papers. He quietly walked through the home. Each room seemed to stop him. The place was a disaster. But a very unique disaster. There was an enclosed porch that looked like it once housed a outdoor fireplace. It'd been used as storage I bet. Cobwebs enveloped the home. I couldn't imagine her allowing her home to come to this unlivable state, but what are you going to do...20 years is a long time. With each room, Dan (building manager/owner) would give me a piece of history of the home's layout. I was fascinated by what the grounds use to look like. The place was frozen in time. The decor was from the 1960's. Dan had preserved it because the vintage quality was considered "rentable". The actual compound once belong to actress Jane Russell

People tend to remember her for her humongous personality.

When Dan was finished with his tour, we stood outside, sized me up and said "this damn country, doing things all backwards...teaching kids to be good little soldiers. You should be working for yourself NOT for them." And it dawned on me...I've been doing this thing all wrong.