Users

I've been seeing this girl who use to choreograph dance in music vids and also model. I asked to come to my film screening and she declined. I was a little pissed but, her explanation was simple. The entertainment business is full of users. That thought has always occurred to me, but never did I articulate it. It is the reason why I always feel so nauseous after making a film because there are a few things that you don't consider when you make film projects. See, the original idea is that you just want to make "cool shit with your friends" But this is also a business. In that business, people still have to live. The balance is between your personal projects and peoples' time. If you don't compensate them with money, you have to give them material to make money. To me, I always felt sick because I paid people so low. Now you may say "well, they agreed to low pay or no pay" That is user talk. Users permeate this business like a cancer. I am a user. You are a user. If you work in the movie business you will become a user and not even realize it. Why? Because you have passion and you can't see what you are doing in order to get what you want. People outside of Hollywood sense this. That sickening feeling you have for pushing forward with your projects is a journey in which you will always be using people. The longer you're in, the more this feeling piles up. IF you have any conscience. And therein lies the problem. At a certain point, if you don't have any self-awareness, you can move forward knowing you are making art. And justify your behavior. In the end, you are just using people to get what you want. This should haunt you. But, after a while, you make excuses as to why this is justified. Things like "you're helping their career" or "we're all in this together" may comfort your guilty thoughts. But after years of this, you do start to feel some uneasy feeling as this is wrong. It was fine when you are just starting out. But the ability to hustle makes you better at it. Which isn't necessarily a good thing. A used car salesman who has decades under his belt has no use for a conscience when he tells himself he needs to support his family. Same with a scheisty lawyer. They can soothe their conscience by saying things like "everyone gets a defense." This will drain your humanity pretty quickly. So what is the solution? I have none. This is the levels in which you will have to decide. Most will press forward because they have a story to tell and nothing will stand in their way. Good people don't survive in this business for that reason. I've been here for 20+ years. Toiling and taking stock in this behavior. And, it sickens me deeply to feel that my conscience is questioning it. It creeps up, grabs you, then you can't stop. I often use the term "dragging a dead body up a hill" This phrase is used to be that when you make movies, most people are the dead bodies you have to move up mountains because you think you can still save them. Dead weight is also anchoring you down. You must inspire and move. In war terms, bringing back dead bodies is the honorable move. In movie terms, it could kill you as well. Good people understand the user. They don't want to be involved nor do they want to be sucked into it. Once you get a belly full, especially if you are on the receiving end of being used, the idea of going back to making movies leaves a bad taste in your mouth. No one needs to be remind how the movie industry chews you up and spits you out. Have dignity.