Users

I've been seeing this girl who use to choreograph dance in music vids and also model. I asked to come to my film screening and she declined. I was a little pissed but, her explanation was simple. The entertainment business is full of users. That thought has always occurred to me, but never did I articulate it. It is the reason why I always feel so nauseous after making a film because there are a few things that you don't consider when you make film projects. See, the original idea is that you just want to make "cool shit with your friends" But this is also a business. In that business, people still have to live. The balance is between your personal projects and peoples' time. If you don't compensate them with money, you have to give them material to make money. To me, I always felt sick because I paid people so low. Now you may say "well, they agreed to low pay or no pay" That is user talk. Users permeate this business like a cancer. I am a user. You are a user. If you work in the movie business you will become a user and not even realize it. Why? Because you have passion and you can't see what you are doing in order to get what you want. People outside of Hollywood sense this. That sickening feeling you have for pushing forward with your projects is a journey in which you will always be using people. The longer you're in, the more this feeling piles up. IF you have any conscience. And therein lies the problem. At a certain point, if you don't have any self-awareness, you can move forward knowing you are making art. And justify your behavior. In the end, you are just using people to get what you want. This should haunt you. But, after a while, you make excuses as to why this is justified. Things like "you're helping their career" or "we're all in this together" may comfort your guilty thoughts. But after years of this, you do start to feel some uneasy feeling as this is wrong. It was fine when you are just starting out. But the ability to hustle makes you better at it. Which isn't necessarily a good thing. A used car salesman who has decades under his belt has no use for a conscience when he tells himself he needs to support his family. Same with a scheisty lawyer. They can soothe their conscience by saying things like "everyone gets a defense." This will drain your humanity pretty quickly. So what is the solution? I have none. This is the levels in which you will have to decide. Most will press forward because they have a story to tell and nothing will stand in their way. Good people don't survive in this business for that reason. I've been here for 20+ years. Toiling and taking stock in this behavior. And, it sickens me deeply to feel that my conscience is questioning it. It creeps up, grabs you, then you can't stop. I often use the term "dragging a dead body up a hill" This phrase is used to be that when you make movies, most people are the dead bodies you have to move up mountains because you think you can still save them. Dead weight is also anchoring you down. You must inspire and move. In war terms, bringing back dead bodies is the honorable move. In movie terms, it could kill you as well. Good people understand the user. They don't want to be involved nor do they want to be sucked into it. Once you get a belly full, especially if you are on the receiving end of being used, the idea of going back to making movies leaves a bad taste in your mouth. No one needs to be remind how the movie industry chews you up and spits you out. Have dignity.

Losing Friends In Hollywood

You have no friends in Hollywood. Only people you use you for the purposes you allow them to use you. As cynical as it may sound, people in this business are gypies who aren't looking at your best interest. They are looking to move ahead, or survive. Sad as it may seem, the closer you get to someone, the more they can injure you deeply. You ever wonder why people keep a healthy distance between each other, it's because it's best not to know too much and best not to share too much. For the most part, everyone is also connected. So when you're this entwined into each others world, it's near impossible to get out of a "relationship" unscathed. A lot can pretend things don't bother them. But everyone will eventually bother you. I keep my distance where I can. Every once in a while you do get the person who can't help but integrate themselves into your life. A ball of energy. But then yank it away like they're a drug. Thing is, I get this now, when you have spent more life in this business than learning about the business, you develop an ego. You're experience in your field allows you to have a smidge of arrogance. When newbies don't listen or listen to others who have less experience. You tend to get defensive. Why engineers are so pissed off all the time. No one listens to them and everyone thinks they know better. This is the cycle of Hollywood. Hard to say if it exists in any other working relationship. I'm sure it does. Being dis-respected in this business is the worst. Being used is horrible as well. When all you want to do is make cool things. There are opportunists at every entry point. If you can endure people like that, you most likely have the ability to survive. If you don't, it will be an emotional roller coaster. To be slighted...some people don't realize it takes only one moment. Most people are dense.

Anyone Who Supports Biden is A Retard

Joe Biden is braindead. If you don't see that, you are a moron. The guy does idiotic things. Trump was actually a fantastic President. Again. think the movie "Dave" He was an outsider who embraced being a capitalist but also saw the stupid way government spends YOUR money. Joe Biden has lived off taxpayers his entire life. And has also now embezzled money from his position. Is it no wonder other politicians wanted him to be president. Those dummies want to steal from us too. That is the government way. He is a glorified postal worker who steals. The guy is a thief and moron. Worse, he thinks WE'RE morons. Says the guy whose son is crackhead. Pretty obvious this administration sucks beyond words. And people STILL remain stupid because they hate Trump's personality. Can't wait until the Left really sucks on common sense dick. That's the thing, everytime one of you Lefty morons excuse Brandon, I want to backhand you back to the hole you pulled your head from. Because you aren't paying attention. Or reverse engineering his actions. And now, too prideful to admit, your poor decisions caused the suffering of others. There's this guy who works at my company who voted for Biden. I call him an idiot to his face. No big surprise that he stays clear of me. But this moron thought because I was brown I'd support the Democrats, regardless. He's a racist as are all Lefties. They patronize the Black and brown people because they are convinced we can't help ourselves. The minute you get off Lefty plantation, the better. They want you to rely on their goodwill. Why I dropped the Left. Fuckers.

James Caan R.I.P.

What a career. I mean hothead Sonny Corleone is brilliance. As what he did in "Misery" Some say it wasn't too far from his personality. But it's hard to gauge James Caan other than to say, he wasn't traditionally handsome but still had an amazing career. That is what is missing in cinema. Real dudes who look like dudes. I recall many stories of his furious behavior. Hard cocaine lifestyle. The guy hung out at the Playboy mansion. So it wasn't like he was a saint. But, that was when men could be men. I suspect as he got older, he suffered less fools. Especially in interviews. He played a lot of strange roles as well. The villain in "Eraser" comes to mind. He was an oddball that Hollywood will miss. Or don't know they will miss. He was 82 and lived a pretty damn cool life leaving an awesome legacy. Perhaps he was the Steve McQueen predecessor.