A friend suggested a book to me in regards to the teachings of being and purpose. At first I was very dismissive, since most of these New Age-y books get on my nerves. And frankly, since the 1970's...what more can be said that the Zen Buddhist had not already said.
I also recently celebrated a birthday, and to be honest, this is one of the best birthday presents I've ever gotten. It's a gift to the soul to realize all the resentment, anger, jealousy and so forth does NOT have to be within me. While it's still often true that not getting what you want (desire) does send a jolt of pain, it doesn't have to consume your life.
I see this so far in a lot of people who suffered love lost. One woman, in particular, whom I went out with.
Here's the domino of effect... I emailed her to go out, she written that she would like to be friends but since she had recently had a breakup with a fiancee, she was in no emotional state to further any relationship. Honest and up front. We went out. Had a great time. And that was that. I regret being in the state I was at the time. Still drinking to conceal the pain of losing my own relationship. Bitter emanates from the core. What I gathered from our short meeting was...she was suffering much as I, with something we could not get. Then the rest of our lives, as we move with false sense of loyalty, we turn off the world emotionally. Whilst I still check in with her from time to time, I see that she is still stuck where I was stuck. In playing back the past (such is the nature of highly charged emotion). There is not enough sex, booze or other vice that satisfies this cycle other than the obvious:
You must realize we are just floating beings in life that have a small window to just...exist. Yes, our nature is want to leave a legacy (which are children), but also asking oneself, what is the purpose we hope to achieve? Will we be here when they grow older, see them succeed. What is benefit of life if not to gather up more joy or contentment than anger and bitterness. It's been 7 years since last I saw of her, and to the best of my knowledge she is still alone...waiting. I know this feeling. Hurt people do not reach out properly. They wallow in hurt. This is not the life you should hope to sustain if life is short. The emotional ties leave permanent marks on a lot of people. I oftentimes feel a twinge of regret. And this adds to the road map of who you are. This resentment is a thought process that manifests itself into the past. Something that has already moved forward. The "present" is what you can push or pull to your desired effect. Most of us are existing to purely exists. The ambition that most of us out here in Hollywood feel adds so much more pain and bitterness that isn't necessary (why I don't work in production anymore). Though many fool themselves into believing that they are not jealous or resentful of opportunities not given to them, this only enhances their emotional instability by pushing those feelings down until it burst. The trick is to allow that feeling to exist, but subside. When someone has it "better than you" or "is more talented than you" the ego wants to believe that it means you are less. The answer to that...does it matter? What we need to do, is to recognize ego is what is causing the real issues between us. Social media feeds the worst side of ego. As if admitting your accomplishments or "teaching someone a lesson" regards you as anything more than a braggart. It's not remaining humble but just existing in your comfortable self. Taking what is only needed and being...at peace.
Ego has ruined many people and causes people to ruin others. Check your own sense and allow yourself to be calm to the world you were brought into.
No comments:
Post a Comment