"Halloween" (2018)

SPOILERS
40 years ago, mis-casted teens posing as babysitters were murdered by the Boogey Man named Michael Myers who clearly wanted to see his sister's innards (they do a flashback to the scene where Judith Myers is hacked by Michael...you know something...what the flying fucking shit? The broad who was Judith most likely did the role and hoped no one ever saw her tits on the big screen again, but that is all they used her for...again). Thus a legend was born. The lone survivor was a square lame-wad named Laurie Strode who didn't drink or fuck. You'd think the feral mass murderer would allow this one to live. Instead...insane Michael Myers continued his rampage on anyone connected to his sister. Chased by a equally nutball psychiatrist Dr. Loomis, Donald Pleasance rocked that role with as much gusto as the meager paycheck allowed.

Now we're in 2018 and every fucking thing has to be about fucking women empowerment. Too bad the lady podcaster wasn't spared an empowering fate. Nor was the babysitter, or the...well, you get it.
This Michael Myers is now...60+ years old. Fuck! He's been in some mental hospital, possibly fuming about the one that got away. So, hey, why can't this be a movie about the incel who couldn't get a girl to like him. This version of Michael is...more confusing. He's an indestructible killing machine...sort of. They never do explain how he was re-captured after being blasted by Loomis and then disappearing. Or maybe they did in a looped line. Speaking of which...the conversation in this movie are HORRID. They explain everything without the slightest shame in exposition...
"remember when your husband left you and you were left with a child who was taken away by child protection services and..." I'm not joking here. This is how it went down.
I digress.
Michael returns to Haddonfield where life has moved on. The escape from the mental institution bus wasn't even fun. Because we didn't see it. Because the reason is revealed later. And it's stupid. Also, prior to this murder, a father and son driving to discover the bus have a stupid fucking discussion about his future in dancing. Seriously folks. This is that fucking retard Danny McBride's doing. I can tell. As is this fucking retarded conversation about bahn mi sandwiches while running protection duty for the new Strodes. I want to fucking punch these people in the face. Michael can't kill them fast enough. Or anyone else for that matter. Laurie now has a granddaughter (who fucked Laurie to get a daughter) and a daughter who is played by a sleep deprived Judy Greer. She ubiquitous to any ancillary character that requires you sympathize with her salamander looks (mother in "Jurassic World"). I love Judy Greer, but roles like this makes me think twice.

Anyway, Laurie is now a survivalist. Never mind she let some dude pump her for a daughter. I'd like to meet that fucking moron. Because the result is a woman who is suffering something awful over the events in 1978 (see Brett Kavanaugh). Laurie's home is some cabin in rural Illinois where she spent these years setting a trap. Yes, people...setting a trap of a person who may not ever be released if it didn't offer a movie moment. Also, none of her fucking contraptions are really put into play. In fact, it actually causes her more obstacles. You really wish Michael would kill her immediately, because of the absolutely DUMB shit she does. Like shooting through the basement floor and then going up through the trap door to make sure he's dead. Or maybe it's standing next to a glass window near the door as the super-human Michael Myers busts through the glass to strangle her. Speaking of which, why wasn't she  ripped in two. The fucking guy can take a buck shot to the hand and shoulder and still move around like nothing happened. God, I hate this movie.
Jamie Lee Curtis must've really needed the money. Because this is as stupid as a horror film gets. But as mentioned in other posts, maybe I'm over-thinking the institute of the horror film. In the 1978 one, people do STUPID things. Like, really dumb things, like not running to get help even after believing the Shape is dead. In this one, Laurie only needed to point shotgun to Michael's face and blast it into Rob Zombie land (total garbage). Instead, this is to stall for the outrageous ending I can't even explain. The cabin was an elaborate trap to incinerate Michael...seriously? How about we take the mask off so that we can blast him in the face for a satisfying ending. Most sexually assaulted women find this cathartic. Or blast him in the nuts to really pander to the Dianne Feinstein crowd. Blargh. This movie went full retard. Nothing is fun about it. Hemming and hawing throughout. And I rolled my eyes more often I thought I was having a stroke.
Most will see it. The thing costs nothing to make. So it's going to make money and fool people into believing a sequel is in the works. God help us if it's the same team. These people have no clue.