Hooterwatch

When I was a freshman in high school, boy was awkward. I had friends but acted sorta' lame. Being that I went to a wealthy white public high school didn't help.
My joy was when on a Friday night they'd air "Baywatch"
Call me whatever you want, the sight of hot women bouncing around in bathing suits in the warm Cali sun sent my loins a soaring. Man...I couldn't get any of those rich bitches to give me the time of day (still can't) which is why I disappeared into the warm bosom of dream weaving "Baywatch." To the best of my knowledge these people made a LIVING running in slow motion to un-offensive blue-eyed soul rip-off tunes. Even the theme reminded you of Bruce Hornsby and The Range. The cascading piano run made you think you could just soak up that sun and fun. All day long. Those innocent days are over for most. Since sincerity is seen as lame now. If people enjoy crap, it's out of irony. But I swear, so many people back then gave me shit for watching it, couldn't pull themselves away either. TO me, the girls jiggled for me. Erika Eleniak was my favorite. Playboy model who wasn't inaccessible like Pam Anderson. Erika seemed to be easier to hang with.

For all its corniness I would bet it did more for immigration than the thought of a better life for your family. To me, Los Angeles was the land of this babes on the beach. In reality, it's dodging homeless and buying street tacos that won't give you swamp ass.
I credit David Hasselhoff for embedding in my thick brown skull that stacked women have a function. And that life's a beach.