Autonomy

The hardest part about not taking money to make film projects is that you stress about the small details. The hardest about taking money to make film projects is that you stress about ALL the details. There are some people who can shrug this off. Typically they are people who if a project has low production operation, they do only what is necessary to function. They did this a LOT with sequel movies. When studios figured out that they established a brand, they were okay with handing the reigns over to a guy warming a director's seat. That's what I call a cuckhold.

Now that I've stepped into a producer's seat (have the money) it's a never-ending juggling act. As producer Brad Wyman had said on Illeana Douglas's podcast "I Blame Dennis Hopper" it's the most work (these days) for the least amount of credit. He went on to say...conducting a runaway train praying there isn't oncoming train on the same tracks. Now, as fatalistic as it may sound, SOMEONE has to be the foreman of the blueprints.
Typically speaking this person has to team people up with other like-minded people. For instance, I love that our new cinematographer has a calmness to her that I don't possess. I never heard her tell the director his idea was idiotic but set out to find a solution (maybe in time, she'll find her own gristle). This is a true diplomat and have faith she is going to go FAR. That's mostly what this is. Personalities making...something. To me (again, why it's much more relaxing what I'm doing now on production) I'm panicked in...how to execute. So many people can live in the "good enough" side. I can for myself, NOT for others. In other words, I can tell others "it's really fine and will be great!" But for me, it's never good enough. I go to bed, sick to my stomach over what I've failed at. The great thing about producing is that I can talk others' down from this. That creators feel like they've not gotten their vision across and get sick and bang their heads. I can be the one to say...nothing is perfect. I CANNOT say this to myself.
We are our worst critic.
But our team is expanding and I'm really stoked that more and more people seem to "get" what we're trying to do now. I'm very grateful for where we are now. I'm sure the fatalist in me is waiting for the other shoe to drop but I'll do what I can in the meantime.