I will never be this brilliant and it hurts my feelings...because it's so good.
From "Police Squad!"
Sally Decker: Well, when I first heard the shot, and as I turned, Jim fell.
Capt. Ed Hocken: He's the teller, Frank.
Det. Frank Drebin: Jim Fell's the teller?
Sally Decker: No, Jim Johnson.
Det. Frank Drebin: Who's Jim Fell?
Capt. Ed Hocken: He's the auditor, Frank.
Sally Decker: He had the flu, so Jim
[pauses]
Sally Decker: filled in.
Det. Frank Drebin: Phil who?
Capt. Ed Hocken: Phil Din. He's the night watchman.
Sally Decker: [crying] If only Phil had been here!
From "Police Squad!"
Sally Decker: Well, when I first heard the shot, and as I turned, Jim fell.
Capt. Ed Hocken: He's the teller, Frank.
Det. Frank Drebin: Jim Fell's the teller?
Sally Decker: No, Jim Johnson.
Det. Frank Drebin: Who's Jim Fell?
Capt. Ed Hocken: He's the auditor, Frank.
Sally Decker: He had the flu, so Jim
[pauses]
Sally Decker: filled in.
Det. Frank Drebin: Phil who?
Capt. Ed Hocken: Phil Din. He's the night watchman.
Sally Decker: [crying] If only Phil had been here!
Det. Frank Drebin:
Wait a minute, let me get this straight: Twice came in and shot the teller and Jim Fell.
Sally Decker: No, he only shot the teller, Jim Johnson. Fell is ill.
Det. Frank Drebin: Okay, then after he shot the teller, you shot Twice.
Sally Decker: No, I only shot once.
Capt. Ed Hocken: Twice is the hold up man.
Sally Decker: Then I guess I did shoot Twice.
Det. Frank Drebin: Oh, so now you're changing your story.
Sally Decker: No, I shot Twice after Jim fell.
Det. Frank Drebin: You shot twice and Jim Fell?
Sally Decker: No, Jim fell first and then I shot Twice once.
Det. Frank Drebin: Well, who fired twice?
Sally Decker: Once!
Capt. Ed Hocken: He's the owner of the tire company, Frank.
Det. Frank Drebin: [pauses] Okay. Once is the owner of the tire company and he fired Twice. Then Twice shot the teller once.
Sally Decker: Twice.
Det. Frank Drebin: ...and Jim fell and then you fired Twice.
Sally Decker: Once!
Det. Frank Drebin: Okay. All right, that will be all for now, Ms. Decker.
Capt. Ed Hocken: We'll need you to make a formal statement down at the station.
Sally Decker: Oh, of course!
Det. Frank Drebin: You've been very helpful. We think we know how he did it.
Sally Decker: Oh, Howie couldn't have done it. He hasn't been in for weeks.
Det. Frank Drebin: Well.
[pauses]
Det. Frank Drebin: Thank you again, Ms. Decker.
[to Ed]
Det. Frank Drebin: Weeks?
Capt. Ed Hocken: Saul Weeks. He's the comptroller, Frank.
Sally Decker: No, he only shot the teller, Jim Johnson. Fell is ill.
Det. Frank Drebin: Okay, then after he shot the teller, you shot Twice.
Sally Decker: No, I only shot once.
Capt. Ed Hocken: Twice is the hold up man.
Sally Decker: Then I guess I did shoot Twice.
Det. Frank Drebin: Oh, so now you're changing your story.
Sally Decker: No, I shot Twice after Jim fell.
Det. Frank Drebin: You shot twice and Jim Fell?
Sally Decker: No, Jim fell first and then I shot Twice once.
Det. Frank Drebin: Well, who fired twice?
Sally Decker: Once!
Capt. Ed Hocken: He's the owner of the tire company, Frank.
Det. Frank Drebin: [pauses] Okay. Once is the owner of the tire company and he fired Twice. Then Twice shot the teller once.
Sally Decker: Twice.
Det. Frank Drebin: ...and Jim fell and then you fired Twice.
Sally Decker: Once!
Det. Frank Drebin: Okay. All right, that will be all for now, Ms. Decker.
Capt. Ed Hocken: We'll need you to make a formal statement down at the station.
Sally Decker: Oh, of course!
Det. Frank Drebin: You've been very helpful. We think we know how he did it.
Sally Decker: Oh, Howie couldn't have done it. He hasn't been in for weeks.
Det. Frank Drebin: Well.
[pauses]
Det. Frank Drebin: Thank you again, Ms. Decker.
[to Ed]
Det. Frank Drebin: Weeks?
Capt. Ed Hocken: Saul Weeks. He's the comptroller, Frank.
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