"Call Me By Your Name" (2017)

First off, congrats to Doug Jones for winning against...a child rapist.
That's like Doug Jones winning against me. Not that I'm a child rapist, but the odds were pretty much in his favor. Or was it?
Let's now hiss at Alabama for the election to be THAT close. I can't stop laughing that a known sex offender was about to take it again. Guys...really?

Anyway, the award for gayest fucking movie ever is "Call Me By Your Name" Here's a few things why I loved this movie:
1) It really unequivocally proves I'm not gay. When one dude was sucking off the other dude...zero boner. When he was banging on a chick for a few seconds, and she was a sweet French doll. Schwing!
2) It really captured that first love experience. I could still smell the stale cigarette smoke of my apartment in Bowling Green, Ohio living passionate love as an early 22 year old. What this movie tells you is that these passions are fleeting and we're lucky to experience it at all. Some never will.
3) I went home and watched PornHub for hours until the gay left. The theater was next to a Red Lobster, which the last time I was at one...man...I should've hooked up with that chick.

The story is of an American who goes and visits Northern Italy in the summer of 1983. Surprisingly, the film stock captures the feel of that era. The late dinners in the outdoors. The smell of summer grass. Swimming at whatever opportunity. No technology. No social media. Just people reading and writing, learning and living a fine life. Armie Hammer plays Oliver, an American who hangs with a family over the summer who had inherited an Italian villa. They have a son played by Golden Globe nominee Timothee Chalamet, whose career has exploded. He plays Elio, a 17 year old who is enamored with the Oliver.

Little plot is involved here other than they have a sort of forbidden tryst between them. Or is it? Europeans are much more accepting. The rest is just the summer of '83. Like the "Summer of '42" some of the passion cannot last. In that sense, director Luca Guadagnino perfectly films the villa and their days and nights there with such patience that you absorb that era.
Is it a fun movie. Fuck no. It's not even a travelogue movie, which I was expecting. It's an insular movie of feelings and regret and...well, I recall meeting a girl in Taiwan in 1988. My cousin had taken me to do his charity work with retarded kids. She was a friend of his, she was 22 and I was 13 at the time. I was so stuck on her. She was beautiful. On our bus ride over, I recall her brushing my cheek and nicknaming me "baby face" which was in her limited English. At the end of the trip we parted ways. I can tell she had the same attraction. But she was an adult and I was a kid. It was bittersweet. I think that is always the sense we want to return to in ALL our romances. This movie captures that sense. Though dull for most people, if you long to return to a simple time and can stand gay shit, this is your type of movie.