We REALLY Don't Know Shit: Hollywood

If you were to ask any Hollywood creative type what works, they’d probably throw up their hands and say “fuck if I know.” It’d be honest. Instead, they give weird reasons. Things like: it’s the action, built-in audience, marketing, unique character and story. The truth is…no one fucking knows…thank you William Goldman. But people have made a fortune selling their story elixir to…um…idiots.

I’ve a co-worker who attempted to pitch me his story. It was beyond stupid. Yet, he paid some story consultant who has worked in the industry a lot of money to help doctor it. If this consultant was kind, he’d have told him up front it was the STUPIDEST thing he’s ever heard. Except we can’t do that. Because it might work. When people say they don’t know what works…it’s really true. Built on the machine which is…literally…the machine of a movie franchise like “Transformers” you have to know we believe a movie works because the box office tells us people paid to see it. It’s not about a good story, or even an interesting one. For sure NOT built on character study, or human behavior.  The value of those movies is to NOT remind you of the bleak nature of life. Movies are about escape. Always has been. I went to see “Raiders Of The Lost Ark” on film recently, and DAMN if it wasn’t packed. Why this many years later? Because it is a fun re-watchable movie. It’s probably eclipse billions if you count in the repeat viewings and how much VHS/DVD/Blu-Ray sales it has gone through. It’s a fun solid movie you can watch over and over again. In fact, this would be well over a 100 for me. First time ever on film. Would I say the same about “Transformers”? NO! It has zero re-watchability factor. That’s why it needs to make bucks up front. They know it will die in any other venue.

But again, I get why people pitch ideas left, right and center. And the good news is, whomever tells you you suck as a storyteller or your idea sucks, the easiest way to combat this is to actually make it. There was something about it that drove you to want others to experience it. That emotion you MUST capture for others to see. Trust me, someone OUT THERE will get you. The universal truth that compelled you to tell the story will reach an audience. If you feel so strongly about it. Recently a friend pitched his idea. It’s WAY too convoluted and dense, and to tell the story you would need to flush out a lot. I am CERTAIN, once he sits down to write it, he will quit. NOT because it’s not a good story (although it’s a little too inaccessible and…overdone), but because when pen meets paper, or in this case patience to create, it will die on the vine. I refuse to be the true naysayer of anyone’s project however lofty and ambitious. But the true test is getting it on paper which (and I’m being really generous here) 95% of these people with ideas never get around to committing to paper. The reality is, we get busy and sidetracked. As a creative type your brain wanders. And it always has this nervous need to be fed the shiniest and newest. The minute you hit a snag in your story (and we’ve all been there) that idea is abandoned. Since the initial thrill is gone, thank you B.B. King.

Your choice is simple. IF you have an idea, write it as fast as humanly possible. DON’T pause even for a minute to breathe. Go hide out in a hotel or motel, or hut in Tahiti. Don’t have any technology with you. I’m serious, write it on paper with that thing called a pencil. Immerse yourself in the world you are creating and just create it. No one is judging you at this point. Write until your pencil is a nub. You wanted to tell stories, this is how it’s done. Lazy is for yappers. You are making/doing something. AND when all is said and done, forget finding people to make it for you. Either write another and put this one away to fix later OR…just make it. With your own money. I’m sick and tired of people attempting to force people to believe in them IF they don’t believe in themselves. You want to feel real disappointment, do it on your own dime. This is, by far, the quickest learning tool I’ve been afforded, literally. When my dime is on the line, I’ve got no one dictating how I do it. And quite honestly, people you pitch the story to are way too stupid to understand what you’re trying to do anyway. I’ve sent my script out to many people who “just don’t get it.” Guess what, once they see what you made, it miraculously makes sense. Hey, I’m guilty of it. I told my friend about her short film. The script was trite and dumb and really judgmental to the plight of inner city gangbanging life and cycles. Fuck me. She made it anyway. Now it’s just trite. But she at least shed the dumb part. I can’t say she hasn’t put her own ass on the line and I respect her much more. People really are illiterate jagoffs. At most production meetings, I often find myself the ONLY person who read the script. People are so stupid even if you show them photos of your intention, they’re waiting for the dialogue to hear what it sounds like. I’m not joking. The only reason why the Wachowskis got to make “The Matrix” was because they had a graphic illustrator make a comic book. I think Warner Bros. was so stupid, they thought it was an existing comic and greenlit it based on…a graphic novel that was completely made up. Did these assholes get it? No. It confused them so much, the figured it HAD to be good. And sure enough, it blew people to the back of the theater. I’ll be honest, had I read “The Matrix” script, I probably would’ve been the same: dumb, nerd shit.

People in our movie business are in the business to say no. Because a TON out there is god awful. I mean REALLY poorly written, poorly structured and everything else. People sift through absolute garbage to get to one good project. Imagine how awful it is for development people to dig through thousands of “good idea” scripts but with TERRIBLE execution.

I am intimidate by great screenwriting (which is NOT the same as good writing). I often think that something is wrong. That this person can’t be a real person, or it’s a professional attempting to pass off as an amateur. It really stands out like that. Bad mechanics of screenwriting is the tell. Write what you can shoot. I try diligently to make it crystal clear without sounding like I’m speaking to a child, what you see in front of you.

But back to my point: I can tell you your idea blows, sucks can die in a fire, but that doesn’t mean it’s not good. That’s just my opinion. You can completely ignore me, make your movie and then shove it in my face…I TOLD you so, style. This whole new world of acceptance has really put a kibbosh on the feeling of rejection. Which is essential to life. This isn’t for the faint of heart. Writing stories and making them for the public is a grueling, heartbreaking sometimes joyous task that is a journey for most who survive it. The others end up spending more time grousing about how we haven’t seen your genius yet.

Make something where you risk your own neck (and money), preferably away from the hand holding of film school and then come back and tell me you don’t have the correct perspective about how things work in this business. I’ve gained a whole new experience making them away from the support of an institution. Most don’t survive it. The other side is actually really liberating. The other side means you learned a lot in the process. This is the sole reason why people quit.

Another thing, and this really grates on me, lose the people in your life that did quit. The reason being, why would you seek the advice of someone who gave up. These people maybe had one taste at making a project, discovered it was too many ups and downs and quit. IF your intention is to fail, then ask these people their thoughts. Which they have a never ending well of things you should do to make it. Why? They’re living through you. They get to see your failures and bristle at your success. These people celebrate your failure BECAUSE they don’t feel bad about their own dismantling. Get rid of these people immediately. There is no room for you to have any doubt about what you put your own energy into. You are in an envious position to succeed where this person fails. And EVERY filmmaker I know has someone like this. That is a friend who doesn’t want you to make it where he failed. Yes, I understand this isn’t a friend then. But, in a way, a person who exists like this needs you more than you need them. In that way, find some lesson that you see the pitfalls from their failures. Win/win.

Go out there and make a movie. I don’t care how you do it, just do it and people will respect you. It’s easier with technology but also harder as well. Since you need to stand out from the pack. Assume your path is not written and hack away at it with a machete. I have faith in anyone who puts in the leg work. Mad respects for the ones who are determined.