Guide For Newcomers To Hollywood

I recently met a filmmaker online who we got to be talking about film. Not movies. But film. Physical film shooting film.  He came out from Illinois and he told me he was going to come out to L.A. soon to start his career. At first, I thought “wonder what this kid wants to do in here?” Duh. He wants to make movies.  And he was asking for my advice. I sat back in my chair (as we were waiting for his film…shot on film was scanning) and told him, being in L.A. is a cursed blessing.

If you come out to L.A. to pursue filmmaking, I suggest you start with a few things…a strong threshold of disappointment. One of the earliest days of my beginnings here had me hiding out in a tiny office in Burbank repeatedly hovering over production to see where they were in terms of getting off the ground. We did film test. We did wardrobe. Make-up. Everyone was casted. Cameras were on hold. Deposits put down. This was a $4 million dollar movie (bigger than anything I'd done then and since). At the very last minute (and I mean one day before shoot) the plug was pulled. I assumed it, but nothing prepares you for that cold shower. So, don’t be surprise. Happens a lot more than you realize. I go back to a previous thought I’ve had…you only hear the success stories. But even in Hollywood, the failures seem glamorous (it’s not).

Give yourself 10 years. I’m serious about this. 10 is the minimum. There are stories of quick stardom or that you hustle enough after 5 you catch some heat. But, I’ve only seen people like that fizzle. At the 5 year mark, you establish friends and a lay of the land. During this time, LEARN. Don’t say a damn thing to anyone. NO ONE cares what you did in whatever town you were in. You are a pissant that ended up at the adult’s table and they’re all wondering who you are and what makes you so great. Answer: nothing.

Focus. If you’re reading this blog, you know I got sidetracked with a TON of boozing. And finding terrible women.  Not terrible human beings, but terrible for me. Focusing on what you want to do is essential. NO ONE remembers what you want to do. They only see what you do. In fact, once you do it once, no one can see you do anything else (sad but true). So don’t do craft services, if you want to be a production designer. Go volunteer in art department. Trust me, they’ll be happy to see you.

Speaking of women, DON’T bring your girlfriend out here. To date, I know NO ONE whose relationship has survived this. For one thing, we’re always in our heads. If you’re hustling like you should, your schedule meets NO ONE else’s. That’s really taxing on people. They will resent you. I knew a guy whose wife came out with him. He became an incredibly successful visual effects artist. Rakes in tons of money. Drinks himself into a stupor. Now in Australia…the town where stupors are the norm.

Try to make friends with people who aren’t doing what you’re doing. This is difficult, because if you choose something everyone wants to do, it’s near impossible. If you want to direct you will inevitably run into a key grip who wants to direct. Scratch that…direct AND write. Bolt from this conversation immediately. I constantly BEG for material. Writing for me is awful. There’s a guy who I work with who wants to write. I think he just likes being seen as a writer and never really takes the business side seriously. I pick his brain when I can. This is harmonious. Two directors trying to direct creates resentment. I had a film school friend who is a total bitter hater. I never tell this dude what I’m up to. Just do it, and put it out there. We struggled through film school together, AND we still don’t get along, since he wants to do what I do and thinks I’m grossly unqualified to do so (as he always saw me as a cameraman and terrible with actors …which is true). If you’re in town long enough, and if you gather traction…and you have a track record…it’s odd how little people remember it. As I’ve said in previous blogs, Hollywood-aspired people are narcissistic morons (me included). A few weeks back I had to remind this person I’d worked with TONS of times I worked on “Saw.” She seemed surprised that I did. Even though I told her 10 times before. And I shot a Steven Seagal movie when I was in my early 20’s. Nothing.  If you are driven and a step above, people don’t care, because if you’re in their perimeter you are at their level. Dunno what psychology this plays into, but it goes without fail. I’m always fascinated by who did what when and how. Perfect time to pick brains for advice.

Don’t compare yourself to others. It’s not going to further your life if you constantly spend it hating that a 20 year old launched his career within a few days in this town. No one knows what he/she deals with. And you’ve just wasted precious brain power dealing with something you get no reward in. Do you really want to spend more time jealous of others’ opportunity. Makes more sense to keep working at your own craft, no? I’m guilty of this sometimes, but then I remind myself it is a colossal waste of time.

Stand by your convictions. People will easily give in to people because they are life rafts. In this sea of muddled faces…you are really alone. The silence is deafening. People escape to other worlds. Possibly with drugs or booze. Try to sidestep it. Go out and meet people and be nice. Don’t lose that drive to be kind to people. I’m not. I was way past the 10 year mark when that kindness slipped. And it’s gradual. Undetectable resentment. Especially when you go back to a town where people treat each other civilly. In Hollywood, they don’t. To us, you’re a total nuisance. Even people like me, who’ve been here this long and know enough people, I feel like a nuisance. If you are inherently kind, stay that way. Don’t change because of bad things happening. It’s not being naïve, it survival.

I think one of the biggest misconceptions of Hollywood is that by coming here from some town that doesn’t have movie making aspirations you’re going to find a place FULL of support. That is a fucking lie. And a bad one. When I lived in Cincinnati, I freely made movies in locations most Hollywood places pay a mint to shoot at. Here…everything is an industry. And if you try to sidestep it, they will thump you but good. You don’t have a permit or permission to a PUBLIC place to shoot. They fine you. The wide open forest in Frazier Park, CA…park rangers find you if you attempt to shoot. They spend more energy on shit like this than you realize. In your hometown, I doubt it highly they care. In fact, most people would ask if they could help. This is a support system. Friends and families make you food for the shoot. They will knit costumes. Or build sets. They are desperate to make your dreams come true. They LIKE you. In Hollywood, your dream fulfilled is someone else’s failure.

I made the mistake of telling my supervisor recently that I was hired to shoot a movie in Atlanta for three weeks at the end of March. Whether it happens or not is irrelevant. He makes these videos with his wife on teen business ventures. I can see the gears cranking in his head how much it’s like acid to him that I work on legit projects. And before you think I’m paranoid…consider that this guy was kitchen help not but five years earlier. Literally, worked in client services. I told him about my short film (for which he got a credit for helping me secure a location). Waved it off. Never even asked to see it. This is how little they care about who you think you are. My small success is his reminder he is a failure. It’s human nature.

Come out to Hollywood if you have to. But I gotta say, with the digital world, and social media, it seems like anywhere can be your personal Hollywood. And why not be on the ground floor to that. Make your own cesspool…er...I mean...community of egomaniacal weirdos. I’ve always wanted my own posse, the same type as Ed Wood had. Those guys may’ve been weird, but in the end…they were genuine. For me, there was no other way...that's changed for a lot of you. You can do this wherever you are nowadays, AND you won't have to deal with borderline psychos. Yes, it's nice by the beach, and you may want to change scenery, but...the success rate is pretty low. Most of us fly just at the horizon. Very few soar into the clouds.