Happy

I was given so many opportunities to be happy. But I was too young and too stupid to really jump on those moments. Maybe it was for the best but I do consider it a form of regret.

I’m not sure what it is that makes us ignore these moments. I think we think we have more options than are available. Most would say…if it were meant to be, then happiness finds you.  I believe that to an extent. Happiness will find you. BUT…it ‘aint gonna show up to your doorstep and drag you with them. You do have to meet happiness halfway. In my case, I’d been slamming the door on its face like Jehova’s Witnesses. It took me a lot of time to even find a girl like Becky (years ago). And I think, and sometimes regret, that time had passed me. Being young and so driven in life, you forget to slow down and appreciate what’s in front. I think that is what people say when you “live in the present.” I was in too much of a fog of booze and self-loathing to understand the potential of a life together.

I miss what may have been most around the holidays. Maybe I wouldn’t have appreciated it. The way I should. But nothing beats having someone be your biggest fan. And be in your corner when you’re taking on the world. Nothing beats a woman who believes in you as a father of her child. You’ll never feel as awesome as when a person chooses you to spend the rest of their lives with. Conversely, nothing is as awful as when you aren’t seen in that light anymore. The emptiness you feel is debilitating. This is the risk you take. You decide if the prize is worth it.