The Kid From California

I went to a middle Ohio college for my undergraduate degree. The place was tiny yet yield pitcher Orel Hershiser, football player and Lamba Lambda Lambda "Revenge of the Nerds" chair Bernie Casey and Scott Hamilton. Not to mention the local film theater was supported by Lillian and Dorothy Gish. And had chairs held by Roddy McDowell, Douglas Fairbanks Jr. and others from that era.

Anyway, it has a really interesting history, yet forgotten or cared about.

I recall living in the dorms my freshman year. It was a broken down shit-hole. But, at the age of 18/19, it was freedom. Really cool place. We were so packed into that place, we became inseparable to the people who lived next to us. We'd go to meals together, study together, watch movies together. Go out to bars together. Anyway, there was a guy I remember who lived down the hall. He was from California. Man, that was insane. We all had so many questions for him. A kid from California all the way in Ohio was so mind-blowing (keep in mind, this was before the internet). It was like some mythical beast. Didn't matter that his head was fat, he looked retarded and looked older than the rest of us. He was from California.

Then I remembered the guy was a total douchebag. He'd walk around like everyone should bow down to him. Told us lies about how he played AAA baseball.And that he was at our little school with a scholarship. And how much better California was than Bowling Green, OH. That made the rest of us really make it a point NOT to invite him to anything we did. It did get me thinking...

..What is it about California that makes us think we're so much better than the rest of the country? Weather? Women? Money? No. Weather in Cali is warm, but oftentimes blazing hot. Women...I would attest more than half of Playboy models are from the midwest. Money?...Bro, we're broke. So who the fuck did this kid think he was? I'm just so fascinated by how when people travel from here elsewhere how much they have an air of superiority.

Now, my Mom brought it up last time I was home. It was winter time. I made offhanded comments about how the house was always cold. Or that they needed to remodel their home. She spoke to my Dad like I was invisible, she'd thumb towards me, "Look who doesn't think our place is good enough anymore" without saying the parenthetical I'm sure she meant to add "Mr. California over here." My first thought was "No, your place was never good enough." But...I get it. We're a buncha' whiny fucking babies in this town. Most people in Ohio DO NO GRIPE. In fact, people call you out on it. Call you "sissy" or "man-up" Imply that a dress comes with whatever you're about to say. In short, complaining is only done for serious stuff.

I gotta stop "going California." Man-up, stop complaining. Hopefully not here though. I hope it's at least entertaining in writing.