This morning I went to the gym. As is my usual routine. I wake up...get sober, take vitamins and head for the gym. Mostly it's for the hot shower. And every once in a while for the view of the dames. I'm in the cable exercise area. It's mostly where personal training happens. Also where most of the women are. Whilst at the thigh machine (because I have chicken thighs) a conversation piqued my interest. It was a man chatting up a girl. Or I should probably say woman. Seemed about 30's...it's hard to tell with Euros since they seem SO much more worldly. She was European chic even at 7AM. Matching gym outfit. Makeup was perfect. As was her indistinct accent. Mediterranean, maybe. She could tell people to fuck off and they'd think it was charming.
She was beautiful, no doubt. The kind of dark hair, smoky eyed woman who looks great in a Bentley, top down, scarf around neck. Large sunglasses. Really classy. Though at this moment, on the quad machine. She has one of those looks like she's never done serious weight training. It's something in her diet that keeps her this beautiful. And definitely not anything at the gym.
Anyway, the big lug that sidled up to her...they knew each other. He was a big fellow. Looked to have played...high school football, and maybe made Division II college ball. He'd look to have pounded many a keg stand. Ruddy nose. Clearly the result of being in a frat. He's the type of dude who comes with catch phrases. For instance, I'd seen him earlier bellowing to a couple of heavy-set Latinas "Hey, we'd all love to splash some water on our face and call it a workout, but you gotta want results." No joking.
To this classic beauty sitting on the machine it was "yeah, I was doing incline pushups this morning. Three hundred of them. I said to myself 'bro, you're 48, let's see if I can still do three hundred."
To which she inquired "When did you turn 48?" "Today" he beamed. That's when the flood gates opened for him to impress. First it was the empty compliment of how her cardio workout was working. Then it was back to him and his ability to still feel like a 30 year old. I think she'd been in some t.v. show. I'm not sure, because I overheard him joking "Yeah, must be nice married to Charlie Sheen." To which...she'd start laughing. That's when he said it..."'Two and a Half Men' is every single guy's dream. He's rich. Gets chicks. And gets drunk." Not sure I saw her expression to that, but I'm sure she played along. Who knows what happens when the ogre is upset. That's when it dawned on me. I'm 38. Going to the gym. Looking at women. Doing physical feats to prove I'm not as old as I am. I am, in fact, this guy in 10 years. And it's sad.
No one really counts on this guy to be anything but...that guy. He's probably the guy who re-lives glory days of how he use to get "hot tail." The days of playing football. The better days. Then reality is in front of him. The classy lady walked away. Did a classy exit. And he's back to pacing the floor of the gym. Wonder what that's going to look like at 50.
Nevermind, I'll just wait 12 years =).
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