He took the guitar, swung it over his head and pounded it into the ground, over and over again. Smashing it to bits. A splinter caught me in the eye. He proceeded to shove a stack of books off the shelf and onto the ground. He collapsed into a pile, head in hands and weeping freely.
This was Johnny Lewis. And he was in his element in acting. And I was on the other side of the camera to watch this commitment.
The tragedy that befell Johnny is still a mystery. I'm sure many people are going to want to draw their own conclusion. But the Johnny I knew was such a generous human being, what is being written about him is truly confusing.
About a few months ago, I emailed him to pick his brain about getting into the acting business for a fellow friend of mine. To be honest, it was me trying to hook him up with a very attractive girl in hopes that I would score brownie points with her. He didn't respond. Which was very telling. Since, good or bad, he'd always respond. The last time I saw him, I was on location scout with a fellow friend to shoot a very dark story dealing with a man who is being led to his final destination and having a conversation with death. I dropped from the project, but watched the final cut of the short film. Looking back, this is one of the saddest scene I can imagine now. He was working out demons. And it wasn't at a point where I could help him. He NEVER once showed anger. He NEVER raised his voice. He NEVER exhibited anger. I've NEVER seen him do drugs. Drink. Or as much as smoke a cigarette. This is so confusing to me other than he finally succumbed to the map of his life.
Of those who've read my blog, you realize that I bitch, moan and whine about my addictions. It dawned on me that maybe a true addict doesn't realize that they need help. That it's a person who has gone beyond wanting people to help them. That reaching out to anyone would be weakness.
I am not even going to begin to tell you the psychiatry behind this. I'm so unbelievably sad right now. Because I just remember the last conversation we had. Which was...he asked me how my life was going. And he shared his joy of being a father. Yes...Johnny is a father. Before he was an actor, he was someone's father. The joy he exude was priceless. He had hope. He had a new life. And we all wished him the best.
I wish...I just wish he could've shared his true pain. I shouldn't have outlived him. And to read this in the news...you can't imagine the pain and shock this feels like. Johnny just gave too much to the world. And the world seemed to want more.
Ride well, my friend.
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