I shot a 35mm short film on film. Look in your history books to remind yourself what film was. I also wanted to make as close to a Disney movie as I could. Since most of my previous movies were violent grotesque angry movies, typical of film school resources. Hey, it was either that or priest-molested-me-parents-don't-care drama. Take your pick.
To give you an idea of how big of a deal this had been, no other thesis project even considered this as an option. Why did I do it? I have no idea. All I know is the thrill I went through putting it all together. Getting a camera rental rate. Setting up film stock. Re-writing my story. Heck, even going over the details of every day meals. It was going to cost me $300/day. Which at the time didn't seem much. Looking back...what the hell was I thinking?
You can read a review of my student film here (I don't remember who sent the screener to this reviewer but I was touched by his assessment...although being a weird hothead at the time, I wanted to punch this dude in the throat for calling me "vague"...yeah...douchebag of me):
http://www.filmthreat.com/reviews/2305/
Anyway, I had an amazing time then. I had so many dreams to write and direct a feature film. I figure this was a step in the right direction. Sure there were people who told me I was foolhardy to blow all my money on a student film. But I had big dreams. I was one of those overzealous student that most teachers hated. In my mind, it was because I was so driven to go above and beyond expectations. I wanted to show those teachers I was different. A cut above the other losers who will fail. I had so many stories in my head. Vision is what some call it. Wanna hear a really humbling story?...
After film school, I went to work doing quality control work for a very large company. I eventually wanted to get a better position at another company we were associated with. But the only position open at the time was in the vault. Swallowing my pride, I transferred to the lowly job. One day as I was behind the counter, a production assistant was dropping off some film. I was checking it in. In the meantime, I was having a small chit-chat with her to pass the time. She said she was going to film school. I asked where. She was attending my film school. I brightened and started to talk about the program. She stopped me cold. "Wait...Tom...Tom Kuo?" My face soured. How did she know who I was? "They still talk about you in the graduate program...they project your thesis project to show what you're capable of doing in film school." My stomach went queasy. Here I was spoken about like some myth, but the reality is that I was checking film in some clerk job. With barcode scanner in hand, I went silent. The awkward moment could kill a rabbi. I remember when I first arrived to film school. They showed us films of past students. They were brilliant. Inspiring. They were successful. This production assistant left. I'm not sure this is the future she'd envision for herself. Cautionary tale perhaps. The reality slapping us both in the face. I hope she went forth and spread the news. Because I'm more than willing to spread it here.
What really is getting me, is that I've recently turned my back against the craft that had driven my life for over 25 years. Movies were my life. I ate, breathed and slept movies. I constantly kept journals of my ideas. I would have scraps of story ideas sitting around my home. I would write wherever I had time and space. I was so driven. I spent hours and hours in front of the computer pounding out pages of script pages. I had stories to tell. And NONE of it had form. But in my mind, it was such a cheap form of escape. I didn't have a job, so I'd write for hours and then go to the gym and then come home and write until I fell asleep. Ideas flowed. I'd get random sparks of inspiration. And I'd write it down. Somewhere along the way...I just stopped. I don't know when...it just happened. None of it interested me anymore. Maybe because I was so sick of hearing my stories that didn't have any interest to anyone but me. Dreams DO NOT make good story ideas. People resent you for wasting their time by telling them a dream you've had. Most pray for your death.
So, I've been sorta' cynical to the people who share with me their aspirations in this industry. I never thought I'd get to this point, but I just shut COMPLETELY down whenever someone tells me about their plans for the entertainment industry. I DON'T care who you had lunch with. How you pitched your script. What your script is about. A story idea you got while taking a dump. And especially your hopes and dreams about breaking into Hollywood. Dream and hope all you want. But don't think any of it equates to any form of logic. Because as hard as you work, nothing is going to propel you as much as being in the right place at the right time.
My friend Mark, has been working in the industry for years. He is famous in his field. You've seen him in movies. You've seen his friends in movies. Some with international stars. Mark is the type of person who when he says he's broke, it means he had to sell one of his five houses across America to buy a sports car he's been eyeing. To the rest of us mortals, poor means we didn't pay the electric bill and now burning community newspapers in a metal wastebasket to roast hot dogs. I bring Mark up because he really gave me an opportunity to see what it is to be connected yet so far from what you see on Entertainment Tonight.
The nuts and bolts of filmmaking...No one cares about. It's the worst feeling in the world to show up on an empty soundstage armed with plans and just absolutely lost when one thing goes wrong. You wanna know how to burn fat? Make movies. You will be too poor, tired and sick to eat. You hate humanity and you wish horrible things on people. Afterwards...the finishing part...mixing music, sound effects, special effects, story editing, color timing...you just want to jump off a damn bridge. None of this is remotely glamorous. If you think so, more power to you. AND...it will never be a moment where you could remotely explain to someone who has never gone through it, the miserable crap you go through to make a movie. So you get to live through this misery alone while people tell you how wonderful it is to work in the movie business.
Then...strangely enough, after giving live birth and, in essence, crapping out your vision...and you get the movie on screens. And they see your work. And you're criticized or praised, you say to yourself..."Man, that was fun...I really want to do that again". Like some drooling idiot, clearly with mental issues. And you know something else?...You actually mean it.
No comments:
Post a Comment