Juicy Juice

Alright, I'm doing the ultimate douchey thing. I'm at a Starbucks drinking a Pike's Roast tall and typing on a laptop. How many around me doing the same? How many with those epic screenplays that are going to sell...like...for a gazillion dollars. They peer above their screens scoping me out and probably thinking the same thing. But little do they know...I want to talk about juice.

Specifically vegetable juice. I don't know what inspired me to get into it, but...recently I've been into squeezing my own juice from vegetables. Maybe I'm a dummy, but I didn't think there was all that much juice in vegetables. And technically there isn't, compared to a more juice related item...like an orange. Even those take a lot of work to get very little.

So I went shopping for a juicer. These things are really pricey. I was shocked. It seemed to me, these things could be streamlined and put into the collective consciousness to make cheaper to the public and, therefore, provide a healthier juice alternative. I've read, and want to believe...they put all sorts of junk in the 100% juice we get from the store. I mean, a company can't mass produce a vegetable juice without it containing some level of preservative. Right?

I think a lot of people tend to believe they're too busy to properly juice. Which I completely agree with. I am lazy myself. The last thing I want to do is to blend a bunch of smelly vegetables and fruits and press it into a jar. But ever since I gave up drinking, I realize I wasn't lazy as much as I just couldn't be bothered. Plus that blending noise didn't bode well with the hangovers. Quite frankly...you get more benefit from eating the actual vegetable or fruit than juicing it. Which goes back to why these juicer cost so much. Alright, bitching aside...

I found an alternative that works for me...it you put some time into it. It starts with a blender. I use celery, spinach, carrots, cucumber and tomatoes. I dice these items up and place them in the blender under "chop". It takes some work but use a wooden spoon to push (SLOWLY) down to chop. Then liquify. It gets to a consistency of baby food.

Then I have a sieve...like this one:

You can find these at Target or WalMart really cheap. I put this over a tall glass and pour the blended mush. You'll notice this mush collect above the sieve as some of the fluid drains into the glass. That's where the press comes in handy.

First, you need to figure out the size of sieve you have. I wouldn't go with anything larger than 6" in diameter. That's the widest mouth of a glass. Also, I don't think they sell them, but it bears mentioning since you may find one in some Bangkok fish market and think the larger the size the more you can press thru. It's just a clean-up nightmare. As is a night in Bangkok. PLUS...the smaller sizes fits in nicely with...

...the orange juice press:

Mine is the one of the far right. The sieve fits perfectly in the press with all the mush. I use it to press the mush juice thru the sieve. Lookit' the juice just flow thru!

I scrape as much of the mush I can and press again thru the sieve. It drains nicely into the glass. I then pour the juice into a Ball jar, cap it and place in fridge. Some suggest you should cover in aluminum foil. Light is killer for the fresh juice. Know what else is killer for juice? Air. This bottle will last you roughly three days, so you have to drink sorta fast. This is what I consider a concentrate, so drink it straight or with a mixer. I squeeze a little bit of lemon juice in to extend the life and reduce the funk. But...the funk comes later.

Vegetables ferment like you wouldn't believe. Some people refer to this as rotting. And it leaves a pungent smell this side of Calcutta. Guess what it does when the enzymes in your gut reacts to it? Like toilet napalm.

For a few days while you're suffering the indignities of smelling like a hobo that tossed back a handle of Cisco, you will get a shot of energy tasting what comes down sucking down a garden. Yes...it will taste somewhat like dirt. Yes, it is really ripe and pungent. I cut it with freshly squeezed orange juice. But...you do feel energized. Go ahead and get creative with the mix. There is no right way, as you will discover. Waiting for passion fruit season to come around.

Another benefit I noticed...alongside making you feel energized, it does have an aftertaste that turns you off to eating. Don't know what that's all about, but I was not hungry for a solid half day. In my mind, the moment I started to feel hungry, I took sips of water and that feeling subsided. Try it and you tell me.

Maybe you'll start asking yourself why you would subject yourself to this gastrointestinal punishment. Well, like most things...we just have to get use to it. It's been a week and it tastes like juice to me now. I don't wince when I think of the concoction and I'm starting to enjoy the creative mixes I can make. There is obvious fear that you could potentially be developing a new form of diarrhea even people in the deep forest of the Amazon couldn't identify, but...it's a great way to get in your vegetables without the sodium of something like V8.

I'm a fan of making your own juice. There is a sense of accomplishment. It is a lot for so little, which seems to me, why people buy the juicer and be done with it. But, if you were concern about eating/drinking right, would taking the effort to make your own even be a question?