Student Films

I've most likely griped about this but here goes...for the cheap seats...
I had the opportunity to attend a prestigious film school's student film screening. Don't ask me why, but I went.
That's when the nausea hit. These movies are made by young'ins who want to work in the movie business. My friend who invited me to the event and I are way long gone from students. For me I'm nearly double their age, and if I had to say anything to this group, it's this:
Your movies suck.
They don't suck, in that you don't know what you're doing, they suck because their full of stories without a shred of heart. Not the heart that forces you into stories you believe in, but it lacks sincerity. And I'm trying to pinpoint how you can sniff out a student film. By all means, their production value outshines mine by thousands, but really is missing is...rawness. Instead, the opt for film festival showreels. Wrong.

The thing with young people is that they are so polished. That they follow a template to a tee. For my class, it was always debating religion or how divorce effected them. They sucked. Mine was about a kid whose parents died in an accident and gets sent to an orphanage only to escape in attempts to find his grandfather. Too much movie for a short...it sucked. Sucked because I tried to make a Disney film.

What these kids are going to find out, is that they aren't going to get these resources when they get "out here." They will struggle and most will quit. Most will take menial jobs. Others will become teachers themselves.

After the screening, a massive group of people meandered around the party tents and food truck (yes, they're this serious) and talked about...well, movies. And the business. What I discovered is...most are pretty full of themselves with hope. Blind ambition to pursue what the rest of us "out here" have concluded...the chances of you earning a spot at the big table is near impossible. If I had a lesson to teach it's this... make friends with dread.

What is dread? The fact that making these things will most likely never find an audience except for your parents. And that you truly feel less than your peers (well, most of them, since their movies suck more or less than yours). Dread is anticipation of the worst. Making plans to keep the worst at bay and then having something insignificant derail you (wasn't so insignificant now). It's being dragged to set terrified that you won't make your day. It's wondering where your next paycheck is going to to keep the ship sailing. On top of all that...dread of the personalities you have to juggle. Whether it is the actors or crew. Because at the end of the day, dread keeps you alive.

Most students do not know real dread. Their stress is contained in the warm embrace of an institution. Dread when you're a working professional is paralyzing.

Now I'm sure if any student is reading this, their question would be "why are you doing this?"
A) I have nothing to prove anymore, so it doesn't benefit me either way.
B) I need something to occupy my time.
But the one thing I have to say more than anything else...if any opportunity comes to do anything ESPECIALLY if you are offered it, DO IT. Students make the BIGGEST mistake of thinking these things come around daily. THEY DON'T. Feel grateful. Be grateful.
This is why I like doing things to support student filmmakers. They're annoying, BUT...I know at their level, a simple push (or in this case, bump in budget) helps. And they are most grateful for that. Yes, this makes me an enabler. So what? Student films suck.

Jussie Smollett Released And Charges Dropped

If you've been following this case, it's that gay dude from the show I never saw. People are upset he was let go with essentially a slap on the wrist for attempting to start a race war in a hoax. Black and White folk are burning because it really kills the call for help from REAL victims. Smollett was convicted in the court of public outrage. And there was too much evidence that proved its point. But the Attorney General of Illinois, a friend of Barack Obama and Michelle Obama seemed to have real sway. Most likely they greased that wheel that gave him an out (in case you're wondering how gangster the Obamas really were).
Didn't surprise me after Kim Foxx recused herself because of the connection.

SO the real outrage continues over justice. Or lack of.
Does it bother me? In the long run, not really. It was a stupid hoax, though could've gotten people killed. Not any odder than "Jackass" which I hate too. This happened to be the call to arms people like Don Lemon or Stephen Colbert wanted. That they manufacture lies if the truth doesn't fit their agenda. I'm sure he'll be coming out (again) to tell the public how he was stressed and anxiety ridden and so forth. But, if I were him I'd lay really low.

I think this may also be a response to the cop in Sacramento who shot a Black dude who was involved in a drive-by. The cop was acquitted. I truly think the Obamas or Foxx think this was a slap to Trump's face. How derailed and emotional the Left really are. There is no justice under them. As they most likely feel there is no justice under the Right (history). But, let's get perspective to commons sense.

Oddly enough, Black and White seemed to have banded together to hate on this dude. And that's a start.

"Us" (2019)

There will be SPOILERS so...read with caution

Jordan Peele blasted into the cinematic universe with his uneasy movie "Get Out" In that movie, I recall mentioning how fine of a line he crossed in which he was really calling out the White Liberals, but they seem too dense to know how patronizing they were to Black society. They, in fact, started using them as vessels to live longer.

In "Us" he uses a similar effect, except, now we have doppelganger/clones that are identical, or a little off-shoot of us. As strong and amazing craftsmanship this movie is, it falls under the weight of his own disgust for the present administration AND its people who voted him in office. It's an incredible comparison, and great...until you realize the logic and common sense of it.
It's 1986 and the Hands Across America campaign was in full swing. I recall this because I recall making fun of it. Lame and gay. Still is. But I digress. The next thing, a little girl goes with her parents to the boardwalk and she gets sidetracked into an attraction (house of magic). There she comes across her doppelganger and that is the cold opening.
Fast forward to present day, and the little girl has a family now, along with a Dad who is corny and two kids who would rather be in their own world. One girl, one boy. They go back to the vacation spot to where the Mother grew up. Uneasy.
After a few introductions to rudimentary characters...as the obnoxious party friend and his drunk wife...one night we come across...The Other Family...
This is where I'll curtail into the secrets:

See the doppelgangers are mindless underground dwellers whom are explained is a failed experiment. That  underworld got a taste of the upper world when I little girl gets pulled into its clutches and exchanged. Though they look and act like us, they are mindless. And dressed in Trump Red (yep, pretty obvious). Then as they start taking over the world (as Trump's people did) they start to mimic the ones living topside. That is how rural folks start to get into the modern world. By taking their culture and mimicking it. They also return to attempt the Hands Across America. Which resembles the wall that wants to keep Mexicans out of America.

So much good stuff here, EXCEPT...the logic. And that is tragic. How in the flying fuck did these dummies exist prior to a little girl showing them the way? How do they look EXACTLY like us when they have been living underground with artificial light, food scarcity, or commercial retail? How are they being trained when they doppelgangers are all mentally unable to comprehend the simplest of commands. And THIS is the issue with the movie that makes it okay when it could've been a PERFECT movie. It's so well made that many people will not see the common sense flaws, or will forgive it. It seemed, like most Blue state movies, that it desperately wanted to staple the message to the American Constitution, it forgot it was a movie first. Though, I didn't feel it was TOO heavy handed, and you can read what you want, the point Peele is attempting to make is that the underground dwellers (Republicans) have taken over by dumb brute force and violence. If you agree with this, none of the logic flaws matter, if you don't...then you will most likely not care for this movie.
To me, it all comes down to common sense. Maybe it doesn't require it, since it's maybe a spiritual commentary. It has nothing to do with science, but requires you allow these "experiments gone wrong" to be the only explanation (worked for Spielberg). Good on that.
I do love the references throughout the movie that tells me Peele studies HARD. He has all the beats of an 80's horror down and nice little references to other movies. Too many to put down here. And there are logic to some of the weirdness. Again, it's because this one nagging thought of the big secret at the end where the character of the upperworld is swapped and then we realize it's the underground dweller who infiltrated the upperworld and lived a full life while the upperworld girl lived underground and "taught" the doppelgangers? That is the core problem and the movie collapses under that weight.
I really wanted to love this movie, instead, I just like it.
Overall, Jordan Peele is a serious movie maker. He impresses me as he is a student of cinema. I'm excited he is the real new generation instead of put-upon token hires that don't do anything interesting.

America The Beautiful

A few things I noticed have disappeared from our pop culture. "G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero" or Superman's "Truth, Justice AND the American Way." This is a global market thing, but has slowly made America less significant. This is due to President Barack Obama's 8 years in a society that went completely social media. It's not to say Obama wasn't American or did things FOR America, he certainly wasn't America first. And that's something President Trump has embraced. Whether you believe his rhetoric or not, it's a pretty simple question as to where his allegiance lies. Because America has given him so much. Even then, in today's social media world, it is left to doubt. Because of conspiracy theories or whatever. Let's call it "propaganda" for now.
We have recently added Muslims into our state's representatives. They're all, obviously, from liberal cities. A few circumvented the system to win. They are also women. In Arab countries, the Muslim woman would never have these levels of rights. Shit, in Saudi Arabia they just RECENTLY allowed women the right to have a driver's license. That's how old school these countries are. Yet, they have a voice in America. And that voiced is questioned. And people are outraged.
Simply put, if someone asks me who my allegiance to, it isn't Buddha, Jesus, or Allah, it's the United States of America. Some Fox news lady got in trouble for asking a simple questions, "does your religion come first?" The answer better be "no" Instead, Muslim lady was insulted which made Fox have to issue a notice that they were outraged and pulled this lady from her show for a little bit. Not sure why this move.
It's not an offensive question, nor is it wrong. Though, I admit, this is borderline paparazzi level questioning rather than journalism. Which is the problem with Leftist media today. It's all agenda based activist. No one truly just reports news anymore.

So, it really sucks that there are those in America who don't take their pride for the country to heart. It is a land that has saved us from starvation. And where our poverty is a joke compared to the country this Muslim lady comes from (a refugee from Somalia...as if she shouldn't feel the sickening gratitude to America). This is the new ungrateful Americans, and why a LOT of other Americans consider them invaders rather than citizens. Also, most of her gripes are about how America deals with international policies rather than...say the state she represents. Nice going.

It is a testament to America, that they accept this Muslim lady as a new leader. Yet, always surprise that that wasn't good enough. Here's the statement I would make (say if I were her). "America has given me so much and I am eternally grateful. I do my best to represent the people who have faith in America. Because this country is great and took a poor refugee like me in and gave a future."
Instead...all she has is that outrage we're now familiar with.
Get real lady. It's clear her allegiance isn't American based. But who knows if that's the new norm. But in case you want to know how Trump gets another 4 years, this is one reason.

Victimization

There seems to be an industry in victimhood. You know that attitude that everyone is out to get them. OR that everything bad that happens is everyone else's fault but theirs. While we had a few years where this was the new norm, the new attitude seems to be that we're sick of being or playing victim. Or at least you should be.

The ones I see it the most from are the Left. And I don't blame them but I do need to say "grow the fuck up." In the past, there has been an ugly amount of bigotry. I've been turned down for a job in lily White Ohio simply because I did not fit the face of their shoppers. Which was pretty much any store in Ohio in the early 1980's. That was ugly. I don't think the people today truly understand real bigotry. They certainly have no clue on racism. The other day, a cop shined a flashlight in my face at a stoplight while I was on my way to work. Yes, my kneejerk reaction was "What the fuck, pig!?" But then, on my street there had been a massive amounts of drug busts lately. So...I was very grateful they were around. Now my friend at work, a Filipino who grew up in Los Angeles, would share a different opinion. He hates cops and has gotten into a lot of trouble because he is who he is. And no institutional authority will ever tell him any other way. Well, one of his kids were taken away from him, and he's on a tight leash with his remaining one. Guess who he blames? Not himself. The judge.
His assumption of me is that I'm a pussy for not standing up for my rights. But there are two things wrong with that. 1) I don't put myself in THOSE situations 2) I have nothing to prove. Meanwhile, he struggles through family court with a chip on his shoulder wondering why LIBERAL California doesn't see things his way. I want to tell him that the law couldn't have made it easier for him if he didn't fucking take drugs. or grew the fuck up. As intelligent as he is, he's also incredibly stubborn. So he suffers needlessly. Brown and Black folk share this pride. I'm not sure who they're trying to impress. But if the conversation came up again in regards to who the pussy is, perhaps the man crying in the corner whose kid was legally removed from him because the law thought he was useless. Nothing I haven't told him. Hard headed.

Obviously, a ton of Brown and Black folk have unresolved issues with authority. Either feeling they've been oppressed or marginalized. And the blowback is a bunch of marches that do, pretty much nothing. Regardless of what these people tell you, you don't do shit. And you're preaching to your own people. So nothing changes. Odd in Los Angeles, let alone hard Left leaning California.
Some people don't see the advantages that can be had, had they NOT been so determined to be a victim. Instead, should exercise discipline. Now call me White-washed or Uncle Tom (literally) all you want. The purpose of my life has nothing to do with having a 2x4 on my shoulders. That was 20 year old me. The 40 year old me just wants to live the remaining days in harmony with society. And those whom I choose to surround myself with or hang out with, I choose to be less abrasive towards their plights. It's hard already to survive in this town. Do you need to fight every wave?

25th Year Reunion

I didn't go.
But I saw the photos and we've gotten old, fat and grey. The three things that kill you in Hollywood.

But in Cincinnati...perfect. Because that's the way humans should be. Holding onto youth is a losing battle. Things will start to ache and hurt. And we're less mobile. I realize a lot of the women did have kids, so you have to take that into account. But also, we were the last generation to be power drinkers, so some people didn't seem to shed that yet. We're in our nearly mid-40's, though today, we rarely act accordingly. Luke Perry died in his late early 50's. So there's that.

They often tell you to take care of yourself. But that's such a vague term. Get exercise? Eat better? Yeah, no shit. But here's issue, the minute you get some ailment, all that goes out the window. In Ohio, people simply ate heartily. Biscuits, gravy and pancakes. It's also fucking cold there. And our metabolism slows. We don't have time for exercise and most of us desperately try to get sleep. That adds to the droopy weight. Also, there is the psychology behind it. One you find a mate, most people just don't care about it anymore. I think when you get past 40, you are telling most people "who do I got to impress?" So pick your mate wisely.

My suggestion to all of you as you get lazy, or more tired or start to eat poorly...change one of the three things mentioned. Just one. Go ahead and eat like shit, but go exercise. OR don't exercise BUT get busy with an activity. Activities keep you moving. Moving IS exercise, but you don't know it. It keeps you busy, mind and body.

Get some sun. Outdoors are great. I use to love the dark and dusk. Because it really was like my mood. Dark and angry. But having sun in your life does wonders as you are older. Put on sunscreen though, because you're old ass will leather. But it's good to get natural vitamin D.
Have a positive outlook on life. I know I sound dire a lot but, in truth, I've never been happier. Obviously little things bother me and I like talking shit about it, but it really hasn't effected my overall feeling towards the future. In other words, I still have "hope" you should too. This from having a purpose as well. And also checking my ego more and more these days. The world doesn't revolve around me. It won't ever. Embrace life.

Though I can continue to gloat at the singular life I've had, or better yet...survived, I know most people shouldn't consider or feel envy at anything based in non-reality.
Make your own life a good one, just continue to have hopes and goals and things will be cool.

My Friend Kurt

I was in my hometown to see my sister get married. I spent a lot of time with her and my niece who seemed to have been more pre-occupied with nothing than wanting to hang with me. Her new step-father, my new brother-in-law seemed to have been the father figure she needed. Which freed up a lot of time to hang out with old friends.
Kurt and I knew each other from...shit...third grade. He still likes to brag he kicked me in the nuts and I chased him through the playground. Him a tall, gangly weird guy, my a short feisty Asian kid, in the suburbs of Ohio. I recommend anyone who wants to raise kids to move to Ohio. It's a quaint state. From top to bottom. Well, maybe not Cleveland.
Every time I was in town, Kurt is the first person I text. Boy does he like to talk his shit. He swung by in his new Subaru...a quick purchase he made when his girlfriend had forced him to get something more reliable. Kurt was that slacker in high school who didn't show up to class and talked a ton of shit to teachers. I recall during our senior year, he wrote an essay on how dumb a poem called "Thanatopsis" was. He equated it to some kid in our school who rambled on until you forgot what he was talking about. That's what he felt about the poem. Needless to say, the teacher failed him, but I would bet you $100 she secretly wanted to give him an A++. Because that's fucking genius.
Kurt marched to the beat of his own drum. The rest of us were climbing over one another to get to a great college. In an Asian family, it was a no-brainer. Meanwhile, Kurt was at the fray, watching. Never complaining. The guy didn't whine like I did. I was that deeply injured artist type (some say I still am). We'd go hackey-sack in the park, smoke cigarettes and drinking shitty malt liquor. We spent many Octoberfest getting wasted at a mutual high school friend's brother's house. I remember getting blasted one year and vomiting all over the deck. Our friend's brother was so fucking angry. I felt terrible. But Kurt was at all my birthdays. Our birthdays are close. He likes to remind me I'm three days older. Surprising considering my classmates all look 10 years older than me. No ego there.

He told me he began a job working at a factory that made cloth that sift through fine material. They had massive corporate clients. This job offered him benefits. So he took it. The thing you have to know about Kurt was that he was a journeyman. He didn't care much about anything, but bounced through life as if it would always provided. Never an ambitious guy, nor was he maudlin about it. There was one time he expressed regret he didn't apply himself more. The guy was fucking smart. Kurt also really respected my Dad for something I had never noticed. One day he came over as my Dad was mowing the lawn, he simply said "Man, I wish I was your Dad." It seemed...weird. I had to ask why. He explained "look, he's cutting his lawn with a smile on his face." It never occurred to me that my Dad expressed pride in his home and lawn. But that's stuff that Kurt points out.

As we got older, we would continue to hang whenever I was in town. Or he would make random trips to visit in college. I have film from sweltering summer days in Bowling Green, Ohio. He was there at the opening of the film I made and showed at the local theater. That was so much fun.
A decade past, and I drank myself into a stupor out here in Los Angeles. Bitterness and anger and...I have no idea what else prevailed in my life. So I surrounded myself with others who did likewise. I didn't have a guy like Kurt to tell me I need to get my shit together. Though, on the surface you could say I was successful, having graduated grad school. The emptiness still was there.
Back to being back home for my sister's wedding...
He pulled up in a Subaru and we took a drive downtown where we ran into another friend. I gave Mike his first job. Well, I strongly suggested him to work at my job when we were in high school at a pizza place. Mike went off to Utah after high school got his college degree, married had a kid and returned to...managing a pizza place. Great dude. He kinda looked like the bully in all the Li'l Rascals series. Red headed with freckles. We dropped in unannounced and boy it was a hoot. Same ol' Mike. We were a ragtag group.
That's when Mike told me. Something that Kurt had not. Kurt was getting chemotherapy the next day. My mind was blown. And if I took a photo, my mouth would be open. I had no words other than to stumble over stupid ones. Nothing made sense. He had been diagnosed with cancer. Which made sense when he asked me about when I got a colonoscopy years ago. He had actually gotten a length of his lower intestine removed. And had a block put on his chest for where they were going to insert the chemo. I was speechless. A gut punch.

As we were driving back, I had nothing to say. He was sipping through a water bottle of vodka and he lit up a cigarette. We both cracked wise still but there was still odd silence. Somehow.

The day after his chemo, I dropped by his place to pick him up. See if he wanted to get something to eat. As we were driving, he told me how awful the feeling of chemo was. And that he wasn't going back regardless of how awful he was going to feel. To him, that type of living wasn't living. I thought of pleading the case that he needs to do whatever it took to survive, but again...he had a very sound position. Living in pain isn't living. We all say it, he lived it.

I didn't think to ask what his family thought. I was still speechless. He still had his water bottle of vodka. He drank it to dull some of the pain. He was eerily quiet. No shit talking.
But it got me thinking about my friend James. They were very similar. Never felt sorry for themselves. Made sure we didn't feel weird around them. I break down when I tell this, because...that is courage. I have never seen this in anyone else, in terms of the living. This realization makes all our other problems petty. Life and death. We see it as a very abstract thing. My two friends who were in their 40's faced it head on. It's probably selfish for me to admit, but I do think what I would feel if I had this diagnosis. And, I'd be crying like a bitch with a skin knee. I have so much respect for these guys who are what the word "true grit" means. I am so very privileged to know these two.