Dread

Do you know the concept of "dread"?
There are a lot of people in this world now that live in a constant condition of dread. It is the reluctance to face what is ahead. Most likely because it means some form of pain.

A lot of people wake up to it. Either going to school, work, dentist, mechanics, having to make rent...it's just a constant barrage of it.
Most people don't know this word, but know it by the way it feels. I think it sits in the subconscious. Like "man, Monday's suck." I would say you dread Mondays.

There is also a very dark version of dread, which is the one linked closer to death. I dread finding out the news of a loved one dying or dead. My Mom rarely answers the phone for this reason (and if she does, you can hear it in her voice).

I didn't realize how much of this I did get from my Mom. Not that I dread life...in fact, it's been great to me. REALLY great (comparatively to things I've read or heard). But I think when I wake up in the morning I think of everything I must do before I can get back to a comfortable spot (to watch 80's sitcoms tee-hee). It is a low level sense of dread. For other things that I can't speak of now, but I believe my Mom suffers from what others in this world may feel as a part of their dread which is...
...we have no control over our lives.

Nope. You don't. You can make choices, yes, and there is free will. But the world doesn't have a bubble around you to make it 100%. The dread most people probably feel is the lack of control. Think about it...you go to work...for what? So you can pay bills. Is that control? You go to the gym or exercise. For what? So you don't have a heart attack. Is that control?

If you come to the realization that the facade of control can be relinquished, I think you live a more enriched life. Because you understand that nature, Earth, celestial beings and the afterlife is around you. The illusion is that we have control. Especially in how we guide our lives (so we think). Or how others try to anyway. But we really don't have a choice. Our bodies will betray us, regardless of choice. This the thought that makes every second of every day precious.

I realize the people who have committed suicide in our lives lived in dread. Instead of embrace the lack of control (by the way, I feel their out of control behavior is due to the inability to control...guess what killing yourself offers...control). I think that once your dread level exceeds your acceptable living standards level, you do the unthinkable.

To me, it is a massive relief to know things happen regardless of your existence. While it's nice to consider that people rely on you and need you and the memories are precious. Absolutely there is sadness. But there were living beings here on Earth before us on a daily basis that tackled the topics we think about today.
The best thing for dread? Relinquish control. Stop being upset if things aren't turning out the way you want it to. Expectations are great, but don't let it consume you.