Why Are You Even Doing This?

Somewhere in your career, if you ever have one, you ask yourself...why are you doing this? The answer, obviously, is different to everyone. Some want fame or fortune. I've learned after well over a decade working in the film business, that it's not something you can easily define.
For me, it might be, simply because I took myself out of the real game (or rather, I aged out because of my reluctance to shoot digital). I have a TON of sympathy for people hustling out there, and also for students.
Film students, to me, are the true dreamers. Willfully naive to the disappointment that hasn't hit them yet. They enrolled in film school in order to tell a story that has been gnawing at them. At my college, which was Jesuit, they told stories of fallen faith. A ton of them. They suck. And no one wanted to see them.
A lot of the professors probably did their best to steer us towards a career. Many were fine to let us sink (as they are failed filmmakers as well). The ones who did make it, didn't really finish film school. Believe it or not. Spielberg, Coppola (never finished), Paul Thomas Anderson. These were dropouts or what I would rather define as drop ins. Because the best experience you have is on a real set.

The cinematographer I typically use has a bright smile to her face when she's on set. I recall that feeling.  The comraderie of people with a common goal. Most who come from the military function in the film business the best. There is a chain of command (union shoots anyway).

For me, I hate being on set. I think because I hate to see waste. Time ticks by and things move so slowly that before long people are there for 20 hours. The other thing, my own person feeling about my craft is always tearing out my hair. I see the mistake before I make it, then make it. It takes me months before I can accept that the work is fine and that people are happy. I take it personally. The ones who succeed in this industry DO NOT TAKE IT PERSONALLY. But I can't shake the feeling I've failed at the plan I set out. There are a ton of people who are perfectly okay with the result. They got it done, they're proud of it and they move forward. This is something that will debilitate many people who feel empathy. There's too much money and effort to half-ass something.

Therein lies the truth of this industry. We don't want to disappoint. To me, it's how criticism tears you up. So, admittedly...as a rule now, I tend to care less. Or attempt to. Which is why I do this. To make projects without the eyes of the universe bearing down on you. This is why I have so much respect for those out there doing their best in this brutal business.
And in some sense, why I offer a little bit of respite from the harsh reality about to hit the newbies in this town, by making these short films. I see their path and it's not easy. The tough love guy would shrug and nod as the weak start to trail off to other endeavors outside of the industry. The softer side wants me to warn them of the realities.
Of course, it's different for everyone, but if you play the odds...