Happiness

It's a tough sell to a lot of people out here in Hollywood that happiness isn't fame or fortune. I continue to tell people, this town is about fun and excitement but very few have happiness. We all pursued entertainment because of something missing in our lives. In my case, it was acceptance into a White America. I spent a lot of time at the movies when I was a kid. And it seemed that I could communicate better through film. The struggle with getting this point had a ton of sacrifice. And I doubt very few are willing. There is a difference between enduring hardship and REALLY enduring hardship. Most actors have an amazing drive and ambition coming in, but the reality sets in at some point and then the disappointment and then...they find other ways to vamp for time as they continue to toil away at a role that will turn their lives around. This is hope. Hope doesn't bring you happiness in that regard. In fact, sometimes it brings you MORE disappointment. The ones who exhibit the most amount of enthusiasm I  worry about the most. It's not that I don't appreciate the excitement, it's that, they are hanging a lot of hope on...anything.
Happy people in this business are happy to do what is in front of them. It's not glamorous or pretty but it's something that interests them and are able to make a living. I consider myself incredibly lucky to do what I do and grateful that my original pursuits were derailed so that I can be at this point. A lot of college professors who toiled outside of institutional learning prior to their return, find this type of satisfaction in guiding young minds now (though I think some bring their failed bitterness with them which is awful). There are a lot of teachers who live to teach. I think that's our profession anyway. Tech minds like to teach. I love making my videos now where I show how film gear works or what you can do with the gear you have. The tutorials are a fun way for discussion (I learn much myself). To me, this comes with no paycheck but if I've helped ONE person, it means more to me than living in a mansion in the hills.
The thing I hear most, and a LOT don't get. The Hollywood hills home and the nice clothes and cars that entice many coming here...that is temporary. A great deal of satisfaction comes from accepting what is in front of you and appreciating that you are in pursuit of something. That is true happiness. It's a underlying sense that you are where you are suppose to be.
This came at the realization that I struggled a lot when I was at my most drunk. Wondering things like "What the fuck am I doing out here, this place sucks?" Or "people are fucking retards out here, they're doing it all wrong." A TON of young people continue to think this way, and they will struggle as well. What finally dawned on me is that I needed to put my money where my big mouth was and just...do. Don't worry about acceptance, criticism, praise...just do (not do "it" since that's trademarked). The greatest moment for me was that nothing or nobody was guiding me into this path, it was for me to do. And most in this business are doing the same. Just making it for themselves, instead of waiting for others to find them. Being proactive in your life (and in this business) means a hustle...ONLY if that's your goal. The other goal (and one I find much more healthier)...do everything for yourself. When you are in this town, riches and slick shiny things, fast big breasted hot women and handsome men are distractions to the core of your happiness. What I really believe most people want is control of their happiness. It's not a pursuit (as I may have mentioned before). It's a being. I know a lot of hard liners simply say, you are not in this world to be happy. This is true, because it is fleeting. But you can make yourself have better days rather than not.
No one or nothing is going to make you happy, if you don't first deeply enjoy the fact that you are alive, breathing and can function for some other cause. Being needed as a function of the world YOU see. Not that anyone else does (Hollywood does that to you too). There is no agenda to happiness other than enjoying the short time you are here. It's not "fun." Because even that is quick. Not even experiences, because people move on. But the satisfaction you give yourself to like what you do and take pride in it.
I can readily admit, having stopped drinking was the beginning of this search for fulfillment. It clouds the reality of life. And life is pretty damn cool.