When I was in college, I use to hang out with these two
girls who lived upstairs in our dorm. It was the first year that it became
co-ed and they staggered the floors. Men were always on the first floor (rumor
being that it’s easier to climb in through windows and rape). Women on the
next. Mindy and Jen were their names. Mindy is that typical white trash name.
Mindy Sue. She was skinny with no tits (which I reminded her frequently) but
had a tight body. Jen was frumpier. They were roommates.
They were Sweet girls from small towns. One was from the
outskirts of Cleveland (Mindy) the other from real rural Ohio (Jen). Jen had an
overbite that could put Bugs Bunny to shame. But she was really sweet. I’m not
sure how I met those girls, but for whatever reason every weekend we’d end up
hanging out. We all became drinking buddies. Believe it or not, in college…I’d
get invited to the craziest parties. I’m really not sure why, other than I’d
get drunk and say the most ruthless things to women. In college that was seen
as reckless and awesome. College dudes liked having that element around, I
think secretly so they could swoop in and tell me to shut the fuck up and be
the hero. A regular party animal. I towed these two to some of the wildest. One
that took up a whole apartment complex off campus.
Anyway, one night we were getting driven back to campus by a
sober friend from this apartment building, where I am certain I polished off a
bottle of cheap vodka. Jen was a hot mess. She could barely stay upright. Mindy
was next to her. We were all crammed into the backseat of a Honda Civic. I
remember this, since I could still feel that cloth interior. I had my arm
around Jen, my face was buried in her hair. To this day, I had no clue what I
was doing, other than I wanted to fuck her. She was semi-conscious, and I was
drunk. She giggled every time I’d grab her boob. Then it hit me, here I was 20
years old…
…and I’d never had sex with a girl before. What the fuck did
I think I was doing? Especially since I was FUCKED UP and half-staffed. Mindy
watched in amusement. Even she was certain Jen was ready to be boned. For some
odd reason, I’d just…completely went numb. I couldn’t do it. I COULD NOT fuck
this girl. And I was in college. I took my arm off her. And she just slumped
drunkenly into my lap, like a rag doll. I just chit-chatted with Mindy the rest
of the way. And the most fucked up part? Mindy kept reminding me that Jen was
in my lap and incapacitated. She was wondering why I didn’t just start mashing.
Some friend. We got back to the dorms. They disappeared into their room. In a
daze, I slunk back to mine. Fucked up night.
The next morning, Jen, Mindy and I hung out at the
cafeteria. We didn’t say much. We
were all hung over. Except Mindy, who smiled ear to ear. Like she held a secret.
I knew nothing happened. For which that was more than likely the secret being
with held from Jen. And I thought maybe they’d talked about the night before. I
wasn’t about to get into that conversation. It seemed Jen was embarrassed. My
guess is that maybe Mindy exaggerated some details. In particular, me grabbing
boobs. Which happened, but not to the extreme I wish it could’ve been. Under
shirt/under bra. In middle Ohio and from her rural upbringing, a dark skinned
Taiwanese guy feeling you up isn’t something to brag about. I was also just too
tired to eat. I just drank coffee. Wasting precious time doing absolutely
nothing in college was the life.
I didn’t lose my virginity until 22 years of age. Hey, don’t
judge…Hugh Hefner was the same age when he lost his.
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