I Know Why Philip Seymour Hoffman Did It

Man, have I been in a bad mood lately.

Not just a bad mood. Just miserable mood. You know when your arm is numb. You could probably stick a knife into it, and you wouldn't feel anything. But you sense something is wrong. It should feel painful but it doesn't. It's sort of how I feel now. I get the sense that I should be feeling more optimistic about things. Or I'm looking forward to things. Like even a simple meal. But it doesn't even compute to me. This leads to frustration. Which leads to anger.

The other day I went out with a friend to lunch. It was a really painful conversation about what it means to be successful in what we do. He's an actor. I threw out this scenario.

The typical blockbuster probably has less than a 50% chance to succeed. With these odds, would you want to be put into a huge movie knowing that failure would just mean that, not only would this town see you as a leper, the millions who've read about your failure would haunt you thru tabloids, family gatherings or even a simple public outing to a baseball game?

He took the odds. That blew my mind.

These are the types of scenarios that I've seen go through many people who've chanced this endeavor. My friend Johnny comes to mind. He had success like you wouldn't believe. He was never happy. Something...something deep just ate away at him. He took projects he didn't want to do. He got paid handsomely to put his face on products. He was constantly working. Then he ended his life.

Philip Seymour Hoffman, a brilliant genius actor. Top of his game. What haunted him? What else? There is nothing new to conquer. Imagine the depression Alexander went thru when he conquered the lands as far as eye could see. Nothing stood in his way. His whole existence was to compete and defeat. He was at the top of his game. What else was there? Nothing but addiction. Probably what started out as recreational use, simply now was just to numb himself.

I feel this is what happened to him. No one would ever dispute his acting chops. Most of us are still clamoring for even a morsel of this success. Why? I think we still need a little bit to hope for. That we haven't exhausted our best. And the best is ahead of us. Think about all those who get inducted to the Hall Of Fame. I've heard somewhere, that the reason you hear SO many angry speeches, is because it's closer to a funeral than a celebration. There's no more records to accomplish in that sport. It just sits there waiting for someone in the shadows of you to break.

I feel, it's so much better the life that keeps things simple. If raising a family and making sure they don't end up a statistic is the only thing to get through in a day...it's not a bad thing.

In my humble opinion, most of us aren't equipped to handle the blinding success that others envy. Not that I've had this...but I've seen my friends topple under the weight.