Hiya folks,
Sorry for the really pissy posts lately. Giving up the creature has been more difficult this time than last. But I like that I can vent somewhere. Which brings me to this dude in Santa Barbara who shot up a sorority, killing many women, due to being (obviously) whacked out his mind of envy.
I'm really confused about today's youth. I ask my 14 year old nephew if he's excited about learning how to drive. He answers with a shrug. Man...back in my day, I couldn't wait to drive. The mystery of the open road lay ahead of me. And it meant freedom. Today's kids could give a shit. Nothing is fascinating to them anymore. And more than likely has caused this type of fallout between kids today and the previous years.
When I was in high school/college, the most of my worries were that some girl wouldn't go out with me. Or probably worse, that she would make fun of me for even asking her out. This was it. No fear of people shooting my school up. Or coming to stab me. And this coming from the very ultra rare Asian face in upper middle Ohio. So...what has changed? Well, we can't smack kids around anymore, and everyone gets a trophy. We've fucked up royally somewhere. In the very breath we claim that everyone is special, we've built up someone's psyche so full of themselves, we never questioned whether or not this would harm a person's actions. It boils down to this: rejection.
Yes, life is an abundance of rejection. Oodles or rejection. Rejection so hurtful it drives us into madness sometimes. But...BIG BUT...we get over it. We learn and we move on. We've crippled children today to NOT accept rejection. Yes, I get persistence is good, but absorb rejection and learn how to cope.
I hate rejection. So much, that I write about it here sometimes. I think it's funny now. These are stories I love telling people later on. The mishaps of very clumsy courting. Taking it all in stride. The fear. The pain. All of it goes for GREAT stories. So what does this fucking kid in Santa Barbara do? He makes videos. And then broadcasts his mental instability for a call to action. What a moron. In fact, at that point, authorities should have the right to beat him to a pulp and throw him into a well. Because you know a kid in that age group and demographic has enough follow through. Common sense here...when you take your precious post-teen life to make videos, upload to YouTube...guess what? You're a serious mofo. Me? I drink in a dark corner. Writing stupid blogs. But venting how lousy sometimes life is. I say to this kid..."man...live into your 30's get married and see if you still want women in your life." That's all it took. I think his imagination ran away with him. And it gets worse...
...so now there's this fucking boy's club about turning their back on women. Not that they're homos, but that they would rather label women as money grubbing slut whores than buckle down and find one for a wife. Dude...that's totally this cultures fuck-up. Kardashian, that whole clan should be held responsible for this nonsense. A whole culture so enamored with no one. She's totally no one. Or Paris Hilton. This is what we saw since they were children. I fucking grew up with Mary Tyler Moore and Golden Girls. No one would be caught dead acting like they do now. And if they did, the community would shame them into oblivion. Nowadays, they make front page. And in some sense, maybe emulated by women as empowerment. I don't blame women in the least. I think they're just moving along with their lives, living it...and becoming really aware, that we guys are, more or less, pretty useless. Which isn't a bad thing. Consider how your lazy gene kicks in when you're called for some speck of responsibility. I'd run for the hills. So, now, being down graded beneath the loyalty of a cat or dog...well, you decide how you want to deal with that.
Personally, had this idiot in SB lived long enough, he'd realize no one was laughing at him. Chances are, he wasn't even on their radar. Probably would've been a great opportunity to enrich himself with learning a craft. As most lonely productive people seem to find.
Friday, May 30, 2014
Thursday, May 22, 2014
Unpopular Opinion
Okay, I'm going to say what most people who work in the business in any capacity is afraid to say. YOU are NOT a filmmaker if you shoot digital. That, in itself requires ZERO film. Yes, it's become the axiom to movie making in general. But WAY too many people have sweated, feared, and sickened themselves in order to step up their game in order to shoot a format that is, to this day...superior.
I know what a lot of you fuckers say about "it's storytelling that matters." Fine, I agree with that. But so does discipline. I read somewhere recently that a movie isn't just one movie. It's actually three movies. You make it in writing. You make it in production. And you make it in post-production. By shooting digitally, you've in essence removed two of the three. Guess what you get? Garbage.
I get that a lot of people are saying digital is in its infancy and is only getting better. That is a colossal load of shit. It had (now) 30+ years to develop. And I can tell you...it's stepped backwards NOT forward. This fucking people are pissing me the fuck off. Because, in reality, people wave digital around in order to justify SHITTY filmmaking. They don't want to figure it out. Time was, you had to work your way to a position. We're so fucking entitled we want to helm big budgets before we even get a chance to learn. And learn by mistakes. Unfortunately what you have now is just some asshole kids with Final Cut, and a GoPro making this the standard. Nevermind that the style doesn't lend itself to that look. Just shoot it and if it's cool, we're rock stars. Go fucking kill yourselves. My heroes developed, learn and took chances on new medium when it called for it. Not because it was available. You're killing yourselves figuring out all that is new. Some moron was spouting off that the new digital medium democratized filmmaking. Before it was left to just a handful who said "yay" or "nay". Know why, dummy? Because that person's sole purpose was to stick it to the studios. What do we get from it? Just a mess of product that people are trying to figure out what sticks. Then laughing when it becomes to norm (at us old fogies). Hey idiot, this is the same moron that is swimming in your pool. I guess you like running against/with a one legged idiot. This is YOUR competition. And eventually will probably be your boss.
Yes, I work in a business where NO ONE KNOW SHIT. But, at least I have some knowledge and respect for the people who proceeded me. The movie makers today just feel that they have a voice. Glad they do. But you're fooling yourself if you believe someone will see your glowing talent and pluck you from the heaven. Stick to writing. Stop being a jack (off) of all trades. And figure out the ceiling before you decide it's glass.
I know what a lot of you fuckers say about "it's storytelling that matters." Fine, I agree with that. But so does discipline. I read somewhere recently that a movie isn't just one movie. It's actually three movies. You make it in writing. You make it in production. And you make it in post-production. By shooting digitally, you've in essence removed two of the three. Guess what you get? Garbage.
I get that a lot of people are saying digital is in its infancy and is only getting better. That is a colossal load of shit. It had (now) 30+ years to develop. And I can tell you...it's stepped backwards NOT forward. This fucking people are pissing me the fuck off. Because, in reality, people wave digital around in order to justify SHITTY filmmaking. They don't want to figure it out. Time was, you had to work your way to a position. We're so fucking entitled we want to helm big budgets before we even get a chance to learn. And learn by mistakes. Unfortunately what you have now is just some asshole kids with Final Cut, and a GoPro making this the standard. Nevermind that the style doesn't lend itself to that look. Just shoot it and if it's cool, we're rock stars. Go fucking kill yourselves. My heroes developed, learn and took chances on new medium when it called for it. Not because it was available. You're killing yourselves figuring out all that is new. Some moron was spouting off that the new digital medium democratized filmmaking. Before it was left to just a handful who said "yay" or "nay". Know why, dummy? Because that person's sole purpose was to stick it to the studios. What do we get from it? Just a mess of product that people are trying to figure out what sticks. Then laughing when it becomes to norm (at us old fogies). Hey idiot, this is the same moron that is swimming in your pool. I guess you like running against/with a one legged idiot. This is YOUR competition. And eventually will probably be your boss.
Yes, I work in a business where NO ONE KNOW SHIT. But, at least I have some knowledge and respect for the people who proceeded me. The movie makers today just feel that they have a voice. Glad they do. But you're fooling yourself if you believe someone will see your glowing talent and pluck you from the heaven. Stick to writing. Stop being a jack (off) of all trades. And figure out the ceiling before you decide it's glass.
Sunday, May 18, 2014
Life's Accomplishments
I was watching "La Bamba" last night. Don't ask me why or what inspired me to re-watch it. But I'm glad I did. Such a strange thing. Ritchie Valens died at the age of 17, yet accomplished multitudes in passing. It made me wonder what type of life, had he lived, what he may have been able to accomplish. Would he have a long fruitful career, like Chuck Berry, or would he have fizzled out like a Bobby Darin? More importantly, would a path have been paved from artists like Carlos Santana or Los Lobos. Hard to say. More impressive is the impact this boy made before the age of being an adult. Amazing if you boil it down to how we look at people like Bieber or Cyrus today. Yes, Ritchie was still a boy. Not old enough to vote, buy smokes or drink (in 2014 anyway). This is shocking, compared to today's 17 year olds who can barely drive a car. Nor find interest in anything, because they're too cool for school.
Ritchie Valens was driven by so much more than the trappings of money or fame. He was the American dream. He was able to buy so much for his family. To support his family, the way...it appears, his father never did. He became the man, but was able to balance it with a social life ANY teen would envy. I feel he was maybe rescued by egotism due to his appreciative career. Something today's teen singers could take a lesson from. It's amazing to hear the maturity in both his music (three hits...that's it) and his discipline. Even (my hero) Hendrix took 27 years to accomplish (three albums for him...official ones anyway). It's amazing what "genius" produces. So fascinated that more brain trusts don't go clinically insane.
What I love about Ritchie's story is that it seems more genuine to the working class than, say a Bruce Springsteen or a Bob Dylan (which incidentally, saw the last performance of Ritchie Valens). He didn't have the longevity but lives past the universe. I think the shame of a lot of rockers who stick around, is that they live to see their legacy and painfully fade into obscurity. Yes, at the time, very few thought of him in the rock n' roll annals. But consider what is a better legacy...sitting on your toilet dead, or flying off into the clouds?
Ritchie Valens was driven by so much more than the trappings of money or fame. He was the American dream. He was able to buy so much for his family. To support his family, the way...it appears, his father never did. He became the man, but was able to balance it with a social life ANY teen would envy. I feel he was maybe rescued by egotism due to his appreciative career. Something today's teen singers could take a lesson from. It's amazing to hear the maturity in both his music (three hits...that's it) and his discipline. Even (my hero) Hendrix took 27 years to accomplish (three albums for him...official ones anyway). It's amazing what "genius" produces. So fascinated that more brain trusts don't go clinically insane.
What I love about Ritchie's story is that it seems more genuine to the working class than, say a Bruce Springsteen or a Bob Dylan (which incidentally, saw the last performance of Ritchie Valens). He didn't have the longevity but lives past the universe. I think the shame of a lot of rockers who stick around, is that they live to see their legacy and painfully fade into obscurity. Yes, at the time, very few thought of him in the rock n' roll annals. But consider what is a better legacy...sitting on your toilet dead, or flying off into the clouds?
Friday, May 16, 2014
I Know Why Philip Seymour Hoffman Did It
Man, have I been in a bad mood lately.
Not just a bad mood. Just miserable mood. You know when your arm is numb. You could probably stick a knife into it, and you wouldn't feel anything. But you sense something is wrong. It should feel painful but it doesn't. It's sort of how I feel now. I get the sense that I should be feeling more optimistic about things. Or I'm looking forward to things. Like even a simple meal. But it doesn't even compute to me. This leads to frustration. Which leads to anger.
The other day I went out with a friend to lunch. It was a really painful conversation about what it means to be successful in what we do. He's an actor. I threw out this scenario.
The typical blockbuster probably has less than a 50% chance to succeed. With these odds, would you want to be put into a huge movie knowing that failure would just mean that, not only would this town see you as a leper, the millions who've read about your failure would haunt you thru tabloids, family gatherings or even a simple public outing to a baseball game?
He took the odds. That blew my mind.
These are the types of scenarios that I've seen go through many people who've chanced this endeavor. My friend Johnny comes to mind. He had success like you wouldn't believe. He was never happy. Something...something deep just ate away at him. He took projects he didn't want to do. He got paid handsomely to put his face on products. He was constantly working. Then he ended his life.
Philip Seymour Hoffman, a brilliant genius actor. Top of his game. What haunted him? What else? There is nothing new to conquer. Imagine the depression Alexander went thru when he conquered the lands as far as eye could see. Nothing stood in his way. His whole existence was to compete and defeat. He was at the top of his game. What else was there? Nothing but addiction. Probably what started out as recreational use, simply now was just to numb himself.
I feel this is what happened to him. No one would ever dispute his acting chops. Most of us are still clamoring for even a morsel of this success. Why? I think we still need a little bit to hope for. That we haven't exhausted our best. And the best is ahead of us. Think about all those who get inducted to the Hall Of Fame. I've heard somewhere, that the reason you hear SO many angry speeches, is because it's closer to a funeral than a celebration. There's no more records to accomplish in that sport. It just sits there waiting for someone in the shadows of you to break.
I feel, it's so much better the life that keeps things simple. If raising a family and making sure they don't end up a statistic is the only thing to get through in a day...it's not a bad thing.
In my humble opinion, most of us aren't equipped to handle the blinding success that others envy. Not that I've had this...but I've seen my friends topple under the weight.
Not just a bad mood. Just miserable mood. You know when your arm is numb. You could probably stick a knife into it, and you wouldn't feel anything. But you sense something is wrong. It should feel painful but it doesn't. It's sort of how I feel now. I get the sense that I should be feeling more optimistic about things. Or I'm looking forward to things. Like even a simple meal. But it doesn't even compute to me. This leads to frustration. Which leads to anger.
The other day I went out with a friend to lunch. It was a really painful conversation about what it means to be successful in what we do. He's an actor. I threw out this scenario.
The typical blockbuster probably has less than a 50% chance to succeed. With these odds, would you want to be put into a huge movie knowing that failure would just mean that, not only would this town see you as a leper, the millions who've read about your failure would haunt you thru tabloids, family gatherings or even a simple public outing to a baseball game?
He took the odds. That blew my mind.
These are the types of scenarios that I've seen go through many people who've chanced this endeavor. My friend Johnny comes to mind. He had success like you wouldn't believe. He was never happy. Something...something deep just ate away at him. He took projects he didn't want to do. He got paid handsomely to put his face on products. He was constantly working. Then he ended his life.
Philip Seymour Hoffman, a brilliant genius actor. Top of his game. What haunted him? What else? There is nothing new to conquer. Imagine the depression Alexander went thru when he conquered the lands as far as eye could see. Nothing stood in his way. His whole existence was to compete and defeat. He was at the top of his game. What else was there? Nothing but addiction. Probably what started out as recreational use, simply now was just to numb himself.
I feel this is what happened to him. No one would ever dispute his acting chops. Most of us are still clamoring for even a morsel of this success. Why? I think we still need a little bit to hope for. That we haven't exhausted our best. And the best is ahead of us. Think about all those who get inducted to the Hall Of Fame. I've heard somewhere, that the reason you hear SO many angry speeches, is because it's closer to a funeral than a celebration. There's no more records to accomplish in that sport. It just sits there waiting for someone in the shadows of you to break.
I feel, it's so much better the life that keeps things simple. If raising a family and making sure they don't end up a statistic is the only thing to get through in a day...it's not a bad thing.
In my humble opinion, most of us aren't equipped to handle the blinding success that others envy. Not that I've had this...but I've seen my friends topple under the weight.
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
Rejection Sucks...I Think?
I've got zero game. On top of all that, add to it, I'm not that interested in sharing my life with a girl anytime soon. What does that add up to? A pretty lame listless life.
I'll be frank with you. Life is depressing and there's very little to look forward to.
Dunno how it ever became this way. Had so much hope and promise. Nowadays, it seems it's so out of reach. I've burned so many massive bridges. Been so out of touch with people. I've pretty much became a hermit without even realizing it hit me this hard. And I've quit drinking to boot.
...or wait. Maybe it was the drinking that caused everyone to disappear before my eyes. It's hard to lean on anyone to share this meandering life. I sit around, smoke my pipe and consider what I did to get here. Where I'm going. I hear so much about life never quitting. Never giving up. And keep moving forward. It's hard, man. And I hope this can be inspirational for some people.
Oh, the rejection story. I visited my favorite Thai restaurant. There is a stunning Thai girl there. Seen her on many occasions. Had great conversations with her. In fact, I got so much sweetness vibes from her. Thought I was special. Well, I asked her out. Her face went stone cold. A flat "no." She had to study. This is when it becomes awkward. More importantly, I realize I didn't have any feelings whatsoever. No sadness. No anger. No embarrassment. Just...nothing. Dead.
So it got me thinking how devoid of emotions I've been lately. Just confused. I'm told things will start to get better. But I just can't seem to muster that hope. I get glimpses. I guess this would be the torture I deserve, for a life led hedonistically. I don't look forward to much. Not even to a simple meal I once cherished. I have to remind myself to push forth. I get really down when I think about what if...just what would my life had been had I married my college girlfriend and settled into a human being. Just lived for others. I'm not sure. It's so foreign to me.
I wake up with pain. And solitude. And silence. Enough time for really miserable thoughts. Thus is the life of rehabilitation.
I'll be frank with you. Life is depressing and there's very little to look forward to.
Dunno how it ever became this way. Had so much hope and promise. Nowadays, it seems it's so out of reach. I've burned so many massive bridges. Been so out of touch with people. I've pretty much became a hermit without even realizing it hit me this hard. And I've quit drinking to boot.
...or wait. Maybe it was the drinking that caused everyone to disappear before my eyes. It's hard to lean on anyone to share this meandering life. I sit around, smoke my pipe and consider what I did to get here. Where I'm going. I hear so much about life never quitting. Never giving up. And keep moving forward. It's hard, man. And I hope this can be inspirational for some people.
Oh, the rejection story. I visited my favorite Thai restaurant. There is a stunning Thai girl there. Seen her on many occasions. Had great conversations with her. In fact, I got so much sweetness vibes from her. Thought I was special. Well, I asked her out. Her face went stone cold. A flat "no." She had to study. This is when it becomes awkward. More importantly, I realize I didn't have any feelings whatsoever. No sadness. No anger. No embarrassment. Just...nothing. Dead.
So it got me thinking how devoid of emotions I've been lately. Just confused. I'm told things will start to get better. But I just can't seem to muster that hope. I get glimpses. I guess this would be the torture I deserve, for a life led hedonistically. I don't look forward to much. Not even to a simple meal I once cherished. I have to remind myself to push forth. I get really down when I think about what if...just what would my life had been had I married my college girlfriend and settled into a human being. Just lived for others. I'm not sure. It's so foreign to me.
I wake up with pain. And solitude. And silence. Enough time for really miserable thoughts. Thus is the life of rehabilitation.
Thursday, May 1, 2014
Miserable Hollywood Living
I've been reading a tell-all lately that basically has my guts wrenching from the awful things that have been told in it. Just the depravity of humanity that would disgust the most hardened criminal. This is the mirror that is held up to Hollywood. Now before you get all in arms about the sickness that prevails within us, let me assure you, this is not only reserved for this generation...oh no dear readers. This is in fact an on-going never changing piss-pot-hole where if you have any modicum of self-worth, you must check it at the door. Because the irrational is normal. And if you question the looney bin, you are obviously not a part of it.
This book aptly titled "The Devil's Guide To Hollywood" written by the schlockmeister, fellow Ohioan, Joe Eszterhas.
I believe, the whole sense of it is a tongue-in-cheek dissection of the miseries you take on when you play in the pissed in sandbox. What we think we realize we know, we don't. Granted, he speaks from a screenwriter's point of view, which happens to always be at the bottom of someone's shoe. But those shoes are expensive and you're the wheel that greases it.
Now a lot of it is anecdotal. Very telling of a tell-all in that he doesn't mince words. And, more often than not, he calls out specific names. Very famous names that do very infamous things. And it's heartbreaking. Your heroes will constantly be dragged thru the coals. Guess what?...you can either take the fact that they are flawed broken human beings and enjoy their craft, or judge them harshly for the life they lived. The old saying goes "sometimes, it's not a good thing to meet your heroes." It never dawned on me why. But then it struck. Heroes are suppose to be idealized. The minute they are real...they die. And who wants to live up to some snot nose who believes you should behave a certain way. If I were a person like...say...Superman, I'd start to resent humanity for putting ridiculous expectations on me. Fuck them. To be fair...I'm not a space alien who wants to be accepted.
Anyway, it just got me down lately. Mostly because I like to think I can sidestep the debauchery of Hollywood. I've seen enough, just not at the level that means succeeding in this cesspool.
This book aptly titled "The Devil's Guide To Hollywood" written by the schlockmeister, fellow Ohioan, Joe Eszterhas.
I believe, the whole sense of it is a tongue-in-cheek dissection of the miseries you take on when you play in the pissed in sandbox. What we think we realize we know, we don't. Granted, he speaks from a screenwriter's point of view, which happens to always be at the bottom of someone's shoe. But those shoes are expensive and you're the wheel that greases it.
Now a lot of it is anecdotal. Very telling of a tell-all in that he doesn't mince words. And, more often than not, he calls out specific names. Very famous names that do very infamous things. And it's heartbreaking. Your heroes will constantly be dragged thru the coals. Guess what?...you can either take the fact that they are flawed broken human beings and enjoy their craft, or judge them harshly for the life they lived. The old saying goes "sometimes, it's not a good thing to meet your heroes." It never dawned on me why. But then it struck. Heroes are suppose to be idealized. The minute they are real...they die. And who wants to live up to some snot nose who believes you should behave a certain way. If I were a person like...say...Superman, I'd start to resent humanity for putting ridiculous expectations on me. Fuck them. To be fair...I'm not a space alien who wants to be accepted.
Anyway, it just got me down lately. Mostly because I like to think I can sidestep the debauchery of Hollywood. I've seen enough, just not at the level that means succeeding in this cesspool.
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