Merry Xmas, A-Holes

Hiya all,
And a merry Christmas to all. Notice I don't say "happy holidays." Because, to be honest with you, I whole heartedly believe if you celebrate December 25th and you get the day off, you should honor the birth of Christmas. Any other celebration on this particular date is folly.

So I'm sitting at a Starbucks on this particular Christmas. I kinda' dig the low-key celebration. Last night, I watched "It's A Wonderful Life" drunk on single malt scotch. Don't you wish you had my life?

All jokes aside, I think I use to be a sentimental dude. It would grate on me when things didn't fulfill themselves. I never really had high expectations. I had the realistic pruning of Mom. She is a glass half-empty type person. Not that it's a bad thing...sometimes it's to protect from anger and pain. Sometimes, when someone asks me about working in Hollywood, I give them the reality of it too. I try to soften it with choices. But, it's like a plane crash victim that, they can tell you the experience, but it's still a foreign concept unless you go through the same thing. I feel Christmas can make one feel like George Bailey. Which reminds me...so Clarence, the angel, jumps from the bridge to save George. Now, isn't it presumed the impact would most surely kill him. So George jumped from the bridge anyway. AND survived. Kinda a flaw there somewhere. But, that's just my cynical self rising up. How about I just enjoy the message about friendship. Which, speaking of being jaded, nowadays, people can't accept the simplicity of humanity. We draw a lot of personal bullplop to explain terrible behavior. There's a certain level of distrust now that a town like Bedford Falls once had. I personally like those small towns. It was one big family. I think we look at those towns with contempt. Which is really strange, since it was ideal. People, maybe consider it too boring. Or too many busy bodies. I happen to like the idea of each one of us watching over each other. In Los Angeles, there is an enormous amount of distrust. And suspicion of your neighbor. There's too many shitbags that ruined it. It sucks. I think that's what is missing these days...neighborly love.

I've been watching a lot of 50's sitcoms lately. And, it's weird to see how people use to treat each other. There was accountability. There were parents who got involved with their children. Who actually cared, but still had time to crack wise. Yeah, I know it's television, and I'm sure there was a more darker side, but how is it that violent movies/video games can be blamed for violence, when we're not as influenced by good behavior?

I guess that's why I can't deal with a show like "Modern Family." It's just too painful to see how far we've slid down the sludge trail. It seems like it turns a mirror to life. But in reality, it just excuses the fractured idea of family.

Oh right, Merry Christmas to all!

Happy Holidays

As the year winds down and we get to the spirit of the holidays, I'd like to share a few thoughts of what I think these moments mean...
...a lot of nothing.

I recall as a child, being so enamored with Christmas. Dude, a guy comes down your chimney and leaves gifts. Well, my folks put a quick kibbutz to that by pointing out the obvious. How the fuck is a fat dude gonna shimmy down our chimney that's plugged up with dead pigeons?

Gotta hand it to Buddhist/Atheist/Agnostics...they know how to throw sand on a fire.

It didn't deter me from the hopes I saw on 80's sitcoms either. During these times, I look back on all those Christmas specials that would air during this time. A lot, surprisingly, had to do with the altruistic idea of Christmas. Which is, peace on Earth, goodwill towards man. This hasn't changed in over 40+ years. Yet, here we are looking at the commerce side again. And here they go pushing the non-commercial message of spirituality. A'int no kid gonna buy the fact of Jesus over a Big Foot kid-sized battery powered monster truck.

But, personally, I wouldn't have it any other way. In my family, it was (obviously) hard to share feelings. Feelings are those things that put on display weakness. Yeah, a girl will tell you that they like a man who can cry. But that man better be George Clooney or Channing Tatum. You start the waterworks, she runs for a guy (not you, because you're a girl friend). I've had this happened, and it's embarrassing. Moreso, looking back, I would've dumped me. So, saying shit like "I love you" or "love ya" or even "vacuum" (cause it looks like "I love you" mouthed) was a pain. It cuts into your gut like a tempered Ginsu. It took me a while to say that to a girl, and all the effort in the world not to vomit afterwards. I digress...what I'm saying is, money talks and bullshit walks. SO, Christmas is the perfect time to show how you care about someone by how much you spend. It's the perfect time for families, like mine, to do so without the mush.

So, here's the part where I get...ya' know....practical gifts. Food, socks and shirts. Basically, NOTHING on my wish list. In fact, I don't recall ever making one. BUT, here's the kicker...I'd play up the Santa thing with Ma & Pa Buddhist/Atheist, and they'd fucking eat my cookies and drink the milk. A-ha...gotcha'. Since Pa is lactose intolerant. There was some slight satisfaction in that revenge.

Alright, so I didn't really get anyone anything this year. As I get older, it becomes a greater hassle. Glad I'm not married. Then it'd be getting dragged through that hassle and hearing nothing but how things could've/would've been different. Yeah, the romantic tinsel has long since faded in my enjoyment of these holiday runs. The strangest part is watch "A Christmas Carol" where you start to sympathize with Ebeneezer Scrooge. I mean, in his defense, these ghosts who show his past, present and future gave him the "greatest hits" version. I could probably put together the same montage and he'd look how much his life really sucked.

Speaking of which...when was the last time you watched "It's a Wonderful Life?" Man, I saw the movie again recently (after watching my friend in a play version). Even in those days, Frank Capra (director) was called out for being a cornball. The message is, no one is poor who has friends. Who the fuck do you think makes you more poor during Christmas time, if it isn't friends?

Thanksgiving...sort of

This is a belated Thanksgiving blog, but I figure it’s a good time to maybe share my thoughts about the holiday push.

Thanksgiving is actually one of my favorite time of the year. I get to really whip up a tasty turkey and watch football until my eyes bleed gravy. It’s a great time. AND I have a tradition now where my two graduate school friends come over and we stuff our faces voraciously while talking smack about everyone from the ol’ days. Actually, we don’t really say much, because most of them have moved on to being married, having kids and well…living like adults. Not my friend Roxanne and Jen. I was wondering if either of them were wondering the same of me. How we leapt over adulthood and just…lived through others. Or just let that train pass and didn’t give it another thought. I wondered if it were rude to pry. Wondered even more if we even gave a damn. It’s a strange get together since none of us ever get together, UNLESS it’s Thanksgiving. And here’s the kicker…we’ve been doing this for the last 6 years. All in all, I can not tell you the details of their lives. But here we three were, sharing a meal and just enjoying the present company. Not sure what type of relationship you can classify this as, but it has a very bizarre tradition. And you know something…I wouldn’t have it any other way.

See, most people seem to dread their relatives. And the thought of having to entertain them causes a lot more stress than necessary. In my case, I really look forward to this tradition. We neither have a complete history, or don’t feel it necessary to continue a future one. It’s an unspoken thing now that once the food consumption is over, so is our communication. And any further contact. That is, until next year. Somehow…this seems so much better than the alternative. The in-laws, kids, uninvited guest come over and overstay their welcome. Someone gets drunk. Probably gropes a relative they’re not related to. And more than likely sticks some appendage in a soft food item. In which case, this is spread through history now. And these stories often start with “remember when uncle so-n-so stuck his schmeckle in the potatoes? God, how shitty was it to eat around that?!” It’s something that you live with for a very very long time. With Roxanne and Jen, no one in their close circle really know who I am and…no one in my limited relationships know who they are. It’s a really weird dial-a-family type scenario. And to be honest, one of the coolest arrangements I can imagine.

A few years back I recall reading why high stressed stockbrokers would hire hookers. These guys weren’t desperate for tail. They could probably get  married and have families. It was because the thought of introducing MORE responsibility into their lives sounded more fun than a chainsaw enema. Think about it…all the times these holidays made you MORE resentful for having to play by a set of rules set prior to the event. I remember as a teen being reprimanded by another friend for being late to dinner. To be fair, it was my fault. I brought a date that was (looking back) a real cunt. I mean she wasn’t consciously being a total cunt. But I was in so infatuated with her I basically wanted to impress her with my friend’s Thanksgiving shindig. So I drove ½ hour to the other side of town and waited as she readied herself at her home. All the while, not in the least bit rushing her, since she didn’t really give a flying shit about my itinerary. I was a throw rug under her feet. So, when I showed up late, my friend being rightfully drunk gave me such an earful. The door opened with “Where the hell have you been?” and ended with “I don’t fucking care who she is…” I really didn’t realize that I played a vital part in her festivities. Which I didn’t. It’s just the common courtesy that is involved in these matters. Anyways, this tongue lashing was done on the grand stage in front of the girl I was trying to impress. Which…goes without saying, but accomplished the opposite effect.

Anyway, if I were to be thankful for anything this year, it’s that I’m very thankful that I do have a set of friends who could give two shits about me and don’t require that I give a shit about them. AND, that there was wall to wall NFL on t.v. that day, so that drowned out the rest of the banal conversation most other families suffer with. My condolence goes out to all those who suffer the gene that forced you into wanting to be an adult. And give you high marks for not blowing out your brains.